For whale watching, I usually go with www.montereywhalewatching.com/
I've never had trouble with lunch in Monterey, but I usually go mid-week or in winter, so YMMV.
Carmel is kind of fun for people-watching, IMO, but otherwise not as exciting as billed. The scenic loop, however, is gorgeous.
I liked Hearst Castle, but I thought the price was a bit steep for touring a fancy house. Winchester Mystery House in San Jose is much more entertaining. The lady that built the place was mad as a hatter, and it's a fun tour. www.winchestermysteryhouse.com/
Ooh, for an American classic, the Santa Cruz Boardwalk!
www.beachboardwalk.com/
We also usually do Solvang, but I'm not sure a fake Danish city is as exciting to people who can get to the real thing a lot easier than we can. :)
The wharf can be a bit on the crowded side, yeah. But it's fun. I like Pier 39, though as a local I'm not supposed to admit that. There's a ton of crazy attractions near it, too, if you're in the mood for OTT. Ripley's, the Wax Museum, and so on. The Musee Mecanique is there! www.museemechanique.org/ I usually go for a lobster sandwich instead of a hotdog. Oh man, now I'm hungry. The piers nearest AT&T Park are particularly busy when the Giants are playing. It can be a bit mad-house-y.
For food reservations in SF, we use www.opentable.com/san-francisco-restaurants as it does reviews and is just an awesome resource for finding fun food.
The wine train! winetrain.com/
Oh, my go to silly hotel. Very OTT and amusing. www.madonnainn.com/