Moving to NY, looking to settle in LI, Manhasset area. Any advice?

[FamousFiveForever]

We have just received our visas and my DH is starting work ahead of Memorial Day. I will follow with our 3 young daughters aged 4.5, 2.5 and 1.5. I am also in the very early stages of my fourth pregnancy.

We will live in a serviced apartment for the first month (at least my DH will) and then hopefully move out to Long Island, Manhasset, Sand's Point or Washington Port. We are looking at 4 BR+ houses with a sizeable garden.

What advice would you give us newbies? What do you wish you had known before coming to the States?

As I had a complications in my 3rd pregnancy and am now facing my 4th csec I would like to feel reassured of excellent medical care. Any pointers?

Our rental budget hovers between USD 8-10k. We will be keeping our house here. The children would ideally go to a private school if there are good ones. I would like them to be challenged academically, not just pay to have teachers make it as easy as possible.

What are your thoughts? Would we be better off in the sticks or in the City? Your experiences and cautions most appreciated. Thank you!

With that kind of rental budget you'd be crazy not to look at apts in NYC either near private schools which appeal (they will cost you $40k-$60K per child) or the few outstanding public schools with specializations in science or music etc.

Hi LittleMissLucy, I know the rental budget may seem a lot but we cannot afford 5 beds and a big garden with it. I am unsure about schools, too because my children are so young they may be better off in a nursery at the moment. I certainly don't want my kids to go to a private school just for the name of it, so we get to pay indiffent teachers with huge class sizes. Even my eldest seems too young for Spence and the likes.

I'm sure with our kids' ages ranging from 20 months to 4.5 years they will fare better in the country instead of an apartment. I don't know New York well enough to guess what it will be like with children. City dwellers don't usually seem keen on kids being kids and class them as obnoxious little people that should be seen not heard. I'm afraid mine are not tame enough I think [:-)]

So can anyone tell me what is New York like with children?

You obviously need to go to NYC and do some first hand research. But if cities aren't for you, I do understand...

There are many areas which are highly child friendly. There are playgrounds on the upper West side and the Lower East side which are well kept and great fun. There is central park too and lots of little companies are set up all over the city where you can go and get a coffee while your child paints / glues or jumps around with giant bouncy balls.

I should add that Americans are generally more child friendly than Brits. Restaurants usually have high chairs, crayons etc. and child menus. Its quite different all round. Its very British to think cities are for grownups and children are obnoxious, tbh.

Manhasset has great public (state) schools. It's a very cute town too. We looked at it but our Relocater said Brits don't tend to like LI. I've since met plenty who do! It's also an easy commute.

Welcome to NY!

With your budget, I'd stay put in NYC, but then I am a city person!
There's plenty of family friendly areas in NYC, Park Slope in Brooklyn springs to mind.

Manhasset is supposed to have great public schools. Also, kindergarten here is the age equivalent of yr1 (although often with a later cut off) so your oldest may only be in pre-k.

Have you thought about queens? If you're going private, you may find you get more house for your money because the NYC property taxes (which pay for the schools and are included in the rent) are far far lower than in Nassau county. Areas like kew gardens, fresh meadows, forest hills, forest hills gardens may be good for you. Good private (secular - there are also catholic and Jewish schools) schools nearby are the united nations international school (they have a small queens campus which goes up to 8th grade), kew forest school and the garden school (a bit further away). I think you're right about the rental budget for manhattan - it sounds a lot but won't give you much space for a family of 6 in a decent area. But i guess it all depends on your priorities and the lifestyle you want.

Where does your husband need to commute to? Will his employer cover the full cost of private schooling for each child (or will you pay all or a percentage?). The schools I listed above are around $28,000 pa, the manhattan ones are often around the $40,000 mark.

Btw, if you DO consider the manhattan private schools, you'd need to start preparing this summer for sept 2014. Your dc have to take the erb, you have to write an essay about them, they'll be assessed at 'playdates'. A lot of the preschools are also very competitive (you should watch the documentary 'nursery university', it really is like that in some circles!). Have a look on the website 'urban baby' - you can ask new York mums what they think!

We did the whole process for k for our dd - she actually got into all the manhattan schools we applied to but we decided we'd rather live in queens and prefer the vibe of the queens schools.

My youngest was born in the us. You'll get excellent care here - what you need to look out for is that they give too much of it! The you get the bills....make sure you read the fine print of your health insurance especially if you have a choice of provider!!!

Hi everyone, wow, so many responses, thank you!!

LittleMissLucy, I think it is a British attitude but trust me the Germans are much worse. We are in southern Germany now and seldom have I had so many encounters with rude people who go out of their way to show you that you are not welcome with 3 little children ( all of which are well behaved in restaurants and don't throw food or scream the place down). Kids being kids they have spilled juice or dropped cutlery and we have always been given the worst tables, told by people that they 'wanted a nice, quiet time' which they apparently had until we rolled in...sigh. I'm not sure my blood pressure can take it. I'm very much a city person for the convenience alone but my DH and I also ride and hunt, so we're fine in the countryside.

I didn't know about those cafes, sounds lovely. Must do a bit of research before I fly over. We'll move just ahead of July 4th, so this should give me ample time to make a few lists of what to do and where to go.

CoolStoryBro, may I ask you, why they said that Brits won't like it? It doesn't seem to be the place where lots of expats from different nationalities congregate but that's okay by me. What is the reason for the dislike?

I know taxes are high but we'll rent for a year before we buy out there or anywhere around NYC.

My husband has thrown Westport into the ring but the commute looks awfully long!! Just over an hour on the train seems crazy when I'm stuck up there with 4 small kids. (Panic!)

Kungfutea, wow, thank you, so much info. Is it really that bad with schools? It seems crazy... What is an ERB? Sorry, I have no idea. I have been on urban baby once but the aggressive tone, sniping and general neurotic paranoia have put me off. Idon't think I'm tough enough for New York, I'm already afraid of some of those mothers!!!

Queens and Great Neck seem to have a more buoyant housing market than Manhasset (for rentals). I have put our kids down for aMontessori school in Manhasset which is heavily oversubscribed but after writing an essay why this school works for us, they have found two spaces. Our youngest will only be eligible for pre-k next year.

Most Manhattan schools start pre-k at 5 and Kindergarten at 6, is that correct?

Westport is completely lovely (Paul Newman used to live there). But its definitely a long commute.
Greenwich Ct and Riverside Ct also good - with excellent schools and 35 mins to Grand Central Station commute...

The thing about Long Island is this - its like Essex to Manhattan's Chelsea in terms of people's perceived snobberies.

\link{http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/North_Shore_University_Hospital\North Shore University Hospital} is in Manhasset - it's part of Cornell University - so you shouldn't have any worries on that score.

I had a section there 30 years ago & it was fine

(We lived in Great Neck at the time, & liked it very much, but I gather it's changed a lot since then)

we had \link{http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Health_maintenance_organization\HMO medical cover} which (for us, then) worked pretty much like the NHS - you didn't have your own specialist but saw whoever was available at the Health Centre, & it was all paid for.

My section didn't cost us anything apart from the bill for TV & the bedside phone. I don't know if it still works like that though

Ah, thank you LittleMissLucy, I heard similar comments but I will still have to see those white stilettos for myself :-)

Thank you Ponders, we had the choice between HMO and blablaservice plus something. Can't remember...sorry. DH is keen on BUPA but not sure how well that works over there.

Husband now sending me info about Old Greenwich because he has two colleagues living there... I think we really have to get over there to see it in person.

When we were there I always thought places like Mamaroneck & Rye (S of Greenwich so a shorter commute) sounded nice. But you're right, you really can't decide without seeing for yourself.

Good luck anyway, it'll be exciting

FFF I have pm'd you with some further details.

I'd be very very careful about UK based expat health insurance in the US. There's a lot of new legislation regarding US health insurance such as no lifetime limits or exclusion of pre-existing conditions that might not apply to a UK based company. Read very carefully what's included and what's not, especially given that you're pregnant with potential complications (hopefully not!), god forbid if it should happen but if you have a baby in the NICU, you'll find that the costs add up very quickly and you could hit the lifetime limit before you know it. Please do look through this carefully. There's no safety net here and it'd be awful if you had to move back to the UK because of medical costs.

When is your dd's birthday? If she's 4.5 she'll definitely be OK for pre-k (reception) and possibly even k as they often have a later cut-off than in the UK (the Manhattan privates are usually rigid about 1 Sept cut off, they need to be 5 by then for K - and parents often redshirt which is why you get 6 year olds starting k - but publics have a 31 Dec cut off and other privates are often flexible).

This is the infamous ERB erblearn.org/parents/admission/ecaa

You and your husband should probably give some thought to his commute and that could guide where you live. If it's midtown east then Westchester/CT could be good as metro-north goes into Grand Central (as well as parts of Queens(!) - the E, F and 7 subway trains all go into the east side). If it's midtown west then the LIRR and NJ transit (NJ could be an option?) go into Penn Station. If downtown then maybe NJ as the PATH trains go to the WTC or even Brooklyn which has good subway connections.

The thing about renting is that the property taxes push the rents way up since the landlord has to pay them. That's fine if you're using the public schools but can stick in the throat if you're paying through the nose for private school as well!

I have friends in Bayside, Little Neck and Floral Park as well - they're also nice areas.

ponders my cousin is an ob-gyn at North Shore! Do you remember the name of the dr who delivered you? He's been there a long time!!

little miss lucy I don't think LI is considered like Essex (I think that's NJ - also unfair as it has lovely areas). Then again, Manhattanites tend to look down their noses at anyone who has stepped off the island (apart from to maybe to Brooklyn) . I remember speaking to someone in Brooklyn about the schools and mentioning the one we were thinking of and she said to me 'Well, that means you'll have to live in Queens, ha ha ha'. I quite like the down to earthness and lack of pretention thanks very much

Kungfutea - yes, Long Island - its very much looked down upon by Manhattanites. My Essex analogy was a rough guide.
I am now on the West Coast and know quite a few ex-LI women who just prefer to be seen as "from New York"

Yes but Manhattanites look down their noses at anything that's not Manhattan!!! Although it's quite acceptable to have a second home on Long Island (but only in the Hamptons)

Kungfutea I don't remember the name, but it was one of the 3 ob-gyns who were based at our Health Centre (& I don't remember the name of that either ) I used to be really good at remembering things like that - 30 years & 4 kids & lots of wine have taken their toll on my memory...

In fact the only person whose name I do remember was the lovely nurse who did the stress tests I had to have when they were worried about DD1's prenatal growth - & that's only her first name, which was Iris. She was in the delivery room & saw DD1 before I did

Those are lovely areas of LI. My sister is in Port Washington and her BIL ans SIL are in Manhasset. Great public schools (state). Traffic can be awful.

Hello everybody, thank you so much for the PMs, I will try and respond today and tomorrow. I have been feeling unwell and so so tired with this new pregnancy, apologies that it has taken me so long to reply. Not even freeloading on carbs will alleviate this all day nausea. It's not bad enough to trap me in the bathroom but I feel queasy all hours and with the kids running around and the current heat it is too much for me.

I have been busy packing and organizing the belongings which we will take with us immediately. We are going to leave here on the 1st or2nd of July and will stay in New York till the 20th. Then we will move to our new house which we hope to sign off on today. It's in Manhasset, the Plandomes. The school for the kids is sorted and now all that is left to do is sort the house and the au pair out here. Sigh...dreading it.