WHERE'S BEST TO LIVE IN NZ ETC :PART 6!!!

[AngryBeaver]

Wow! Part 6...got to be a record.

MN Towers, where's our prize?!

frik so sorry about your friend - heartbreaking.

[hugs] frik and justa

Frik

Thanks everyone. It really helped being able to write about it on here, and I know I said you needn't reply, but you know, having my grief acknowledged is hugely comforting.

No one here in NZ knows about it because how do you fit that into conversation? And when i Skype with friends and family, it doesn't seem ok to talk about it when they have been waiting hours to call etc etc because of the time difference. And of course the kids are always around. And, perversely, I don't really want to talk about it because it is hugely upsetting!!!

Argh. I don't do emotion very well at the best of times. That's not to say I am unemotional, quite spectacularly the opposite actually. I'm just not very good at expressing when I am in pain, or in need of comfort, or basically anything other than chipper and in control and upbeat. I'm not even talking to DH about anything at the moment which I know is a bad road to head down, but I just feel so enormously out of my depth emotionally that I really don't know where to start.

Sorry, it's not cool to be all confessional on this thread really is it. Poor potential migrants will be all like, but where's the bit about how expensive kids shoes are?!!

This is thread has had all sorts frick! Particuarly depressing for around 3 months beginning May last year So go on, type it out.
I totally get that it all feels so big you don't know where to start.
Really relate to thta.
It must be incredibly hard to not be able to talk about what you're going through in rl.
So, we are all here for you (I sound like a cheesy american tv shrink) but, 'tis true.

Thanks justa, I think Mum had time to absorb what I said yesterday. So I hope that she will go home and tell db to stop with the emotional abuse.

In other news, had a great time last night at Farewell meal...but got quite drunk and did something shameful!

And we have 3 viewers for our UK property, so fingers crossed!!

AB, I have a very difficult brother. I have found that the best way to deal with the crazy, is to agree with it. It basically achieves two things, gives him nowhere to go with the argument, and allows you to re- direct the conversation.

It does initially feel like they are 'winning' but the truth if it is, absolutely nothing you say or do in argument or mitigation is going to make him see your situation differently. He just wants to be 'right'. So tell him he is. It makes no difference to your actual situation at all. Except you will have removed one of his buttons to push.

My take on it anyway :-)

Cross posted!!!!

What did you dooooooo

And are there pictures?

I might try that approach too frick!

Oh god, I have had to text everyone to apologise.

I had an unusual bra on last night. It is a strapless one, but had big beads attached to the centre that tie around the neck with a ribbon, and then a smaller string of beads that do same. Anyway, at end of night when we were all outside restaurant, one of my friends says "I am facinated to know where those beads go and how they're attached?!"
So ...I showed her and then I realised everyone else was looking too, and everyones husband .
What they must think of me now Oh god

Escuse spelling/grammar/typos...I have a very sore head

It really does work justa.

One of my brothers favorite buttons was to say all the time that proof of my lack of familial feeling and general arch bitchness was that i never visited him. Which was delve stating to me because it was really really untrue.

I used to spend ages explaining that i was usually travelling for work, or that the 2 weeks total leave allowance i had a year was better spent going to our parents etc etc. But of course, that just allowed hom to keep making the same point, and because i engaged with him over it, he felt perfectly justified in texting me and making comments on my facebook everythime i went somewhere, which was bloody awful. so eventually, i just agreed with him.

That I didn't visit him because, yes he was right, I did have other priorities. He was stopped short. He then about a month later said I can't believe you admit that you have other priorities than me (!!!!!!,) and I wonder if everyone who thinks they know you would be disgusted at you. So I said, maybe they would be, I will happily tell anyone you think I should, that I have priorities other than you. Silence greeted that! He then asked me wasn't i ashamed, I said no, he said you should be and I said.... You are right! I probably should be.

You see how it works?

AB just as well you're leaving town, eh? Nah, only joking, I'm sure they'll all recover from seeing your undergarments

Dh is making lots of noises about being Very Unhappy in his career and Wanting To Change. So it could be an interesting few months. I really feel I need to get back to work at some point but have no idea what I want to do and am feeling very unconfident about my employability after 5 years at home...

Frik- I think in reality the illness and loss of a young person is horribly difficult to deal with, whatever the circumstances. I sadly lost a BF before we left the UK, after she had been sick for some time. I found it hard to talk about with people- because it was so difficult that they never asked about it. My pals would ask DH how I was and he would say fine. Mutual pals were really crap at staying in touch with her and she kept her final diagnosis a secret for a long time which put me in a tough position.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that what you are going through is shite and feel free to vent away. Some things are unbearable and yet bear them we must.

It's six years since my pal passed and while I still feel her loss, my grief is very different now. Inevitably things change. Last year I spoke to her mum and she told me her family have found peace which is a huge comfort to me.

Thanks littlest, that's made me tear up a bit. You are spot on about no ne asking either. Which makes me feel like I am somehow being dramatic if I bring it up.

But also, reading your post I realized that one of the reasons I'm not really talking to DH about it, is that he has never lost anyone close to him. And I am finding it difficult to articulate to myself, let alone someone else, that hearing you talk about it having experienced it, it's just so different. You 'get it' and I know DH doesn't really, even though he will be sympathetic and lovely..... Oh I don't know, it's all a bit shit :-(

Thanks very much though everyone, I really do appreciate you all letting me moan on here

Frik, just adding my hugs and good wishes to the others. Be kind to yourself and unload here any time you need to.

Would you believe we've had someone run up the back of us again!! At the same bloody junction too. DH's car this time & he was driving. Thankfully a "gentler" bump, so no injuries and not as big a fright for the girls, and no need to go down the hassle of new car seats etc. But still a fair bit of damage to the car.

But seriously, the same bloody junction??!

Justabout is right- it is a big deal Frik. And hard to understand unless you have been through it I think. I sometimes wish I had gone to grief counselling but at the time my loss seemed small compared to her family so somehow I didn't feel like I deserved it.

I'm not religious so what helped me the most was getting outside into nature. A walk on a beach or in a forest.

Well, given that in the last week I have bought a bike and a kayak, I think maybe there is something in what you are saying justa and littlest!

At the moment for me, I dread waking up in the morning because I'm scared every morning that today will be the day and she will have died.

Vvv sorry about your car accident, how unbelievable it's at the same junction! Is there a way they can make the junction safer? My folks had one down the road that they put a speed bump in to ensure traffic slowed down enough before the junction. But of course, only after there had been a bunch of accidents there!!

AB, how goes the move?

Oh, I'm jealous Frik. I've been hoping to get out in a kayak all summer but it hasn't happened due to having to look after DD. I'd been hoping for another summer weekend away but DH can't fit one in.

Vvviola. Some junctions are just more dangerous. Maybe you should contact your MP? Hope your insurance pays out.

I'm jealous too, frick.
I have only kayaked once, in the Maldives, but I loved it!
It's on our "to get" list.

Sorry about the shunt, vvv, can't believe that, what a pain! Glad you're ok.

frick,We are leaving on Thurs and staying in a motel in Half Moon Bay (how fabulous is that name?!) then getting the 8 am ferry over to Waiheke.
I'm not really looking forward to it,tbh. But, hey ho.

Had a great day today with Mum and the kids at Rainbow Springs in Rotorua.
I will be really sad tomorrow when she goes home (sniff)

and this...www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151400337388612&set=a.99675113611.90773.67341283611&type=1&theater