do you worry about your own long term future - no job, no pension.....

[bankofbigland]

going through a rough patch with my DH. I think usual stuff wherever you live, two children under 5, little time together etc. etc. However the added ingredient of being an expat means I have no job, nothing if things really go belly up. I am already the wrong side of 40 and if as is planned we stay abroad for the next 10-15 yrs I am pretty shafted in having significant employment and pension.

No one's marriage is gold plated so do you just live with the risk?

I think you need to be doing something whether it's a college course or work of some description. Too many woman expat or living in gloucestershire put themselves in a vulnerable position.

Yes you are right and I know that. Much as I like where we live part of me thinks about the life I could have had had we stayed in the UK and that would have involved working, even part time. It is not a good time to go back to the UK now for either of us to get work. It is also not easy for me to work here - yet. Both children are only in nursery in the mornings and there are two more yrs before I will hopefully have them in school full time. Maybe during that time I can think of preparing for work and the best thing I can think of is TEFL. Not hugely interested in being a teacher but not sure what else I could do. Any suggestions gratefully received.

I would do an OU course, an MBA anything at all to boost your cv and keep your mind active.

I am learning the language (been here a year).

And start paying into your own pension! It's hard to have that conversation if you are going through a rough patch but take a deep breath and broach the subject. It may be the kick start your marriage needs to look into the future and lay it on the line in a very gentle way!!

that is a good point about the pension. i will look into that

I live overseas and had the same fears as you OP. I decided to become self employed. I don't earn much and have to pay lots of tax on what I do earn but at least it has given my own identity in my new country and Ni / health numbers which are separate from my Dh's

could you tell me what work you do?

I am in exactly the same position as you OP in as much as I am an expat with no job in my new country and pension worries. I already have a deficit in my NI contributions as I was employed for years when I was younger and my employer was not paying those as he was legally obliged to (he was jailed for that eventually, not just me but about 40 employees - taking the money off our bottom line but not paying it to NI).

I have just recently started up dialogue wrt paying my NI contributions as NatashaBee above recommends.

It is a worry indeed, we moved here because the job market in the UK in my husbands sector was in decline, we have a nice life here but it is a risk as you say.

It is very difficult, I was a trailing spouse for 6 years and am now struggling to get back to work. Even if I manage to get back into my previous career, it will take a long time (if ever!) until I'm back where I was before financially.

On the brightside OP, if things don't end well for you and DH and you do go down the divorce route, you would have a claim on his pension so don't worry too much about him having a huge pension and you little to nothing. The courts do take pensions into divorce when considering the finances on divorce.

I have contacted the pensions service to get a pension estimate. Even though there is a very good chance the state pension will be means tested in 25 yrs time I might as well get my NI contributions up to date. I am sceptical about getting a private personal pension and as you say the pension would be split.

We are no where near divorce. I guess I am like many women overseas - children are fine, husband has his job, what do I have? Maybe I am melancholic because I see an ok marriage, not the worst, not the best. Staying out is by far the best for all of us, but for me I wish I had made different work choices, had a career. But then had I had a decent career then we would not have come overseas with the benefits that has brought. You cannot have everything and all is a compromise.

I have ended up in a position I swore I would never be in - financially dependent on a man.

I need to use the next two yrs to train for some part time work. TEFL is so far my best idea, any others would be gratefully received.

OP, I know this may not be the best time to bring this up with your husband, but when things are a bit better how about suggesting that he pays your UK NI pension contributions?

This may not apply to you but not all expats have their savings in UK or an EU country. Furthermore in a worst case scenario (divorce) one may find that the divorce laws in one's country of residence are applied, which again may not be beneficial to the non working spouse in terms of spousal maintenance and other entitlements considered to be the norm in UK.

Looking around me I am of the opinion that the company offering the expatriate package should pay a part of the monthly overseas allowance directly to the accompanying spouse as a sort of compensation for upping sticks, forfeiting own career plans etc. This money could be used to fund pension contributions, be they NI or private.

I do worry about it. DH is older than me and I've never really worked. It is a worry but we are doing things that will benefit us as a couple such as an overseas pension, investment property etc.

My fear is turning around to a future employer, them asking me what I did in China and me saying, "Well, I had a lot of long lunches..."

TEFL is a good idea (and usable in the UK), OU are good as is University of Phoenix in the US. Actually I was VERY impressed by Phoenix. Incredibly well designed courses that are obviously for distance learning (reading material is published online, brilliant online library etc) and well used by people like SAHMs, Armed Services, etc. Open University Australia is also worth a look as it is like an umbrella organisation that sorts out the distance learning for a number of excellent unis in Aus.

Volunteering is a good use of time too. Really it's all about getting lines on your CV so that if you DO go back to the UK you can show that you've had a productive few years away.

As a total side point I think this is why affairs are rife in Asia. A lot of women turn a blind eye because leaving is far more difficult than simply Leave the Bastard.

Best wishes OP.

TEFL only takes a couple of weeks if you do the intensive course. However, unless you do private tutoring, the pay is shite and the hours can be quite unsociable (weekends/evenings)

Although popular amongst trailing spouses, I'm not sure how much credit employers really give for volunteering and University courses unless they are directly relevant to the job you're applying for (e.g if you're applying for a job in finance, the employer might care that you spent 3 years as a volunteer treasurer for an NGO but would not care if you spent 3 years doing art with kids at the local orphanage). It does show that you didn't just sit on your arse all day getting foot rubs, but not sure it really improves employability much, not when you're competing with bright young things with the same number of work years and more recent experience. Sounds harsh, but that's the way it is.

However, you do still need something "for yourself" so if the course or volunteering gives you a focus and challenge, then do it, but don't expect it to pay massive dividends beyond the immediate.

So yeah, I think to an extent, you have to accept the risk where one partner throws their weight behind the other partner, in the expectation that the total family income will be higher like that than if both were working on lower salaries. With all decisions there's upside and downside and no certainties, and this is an issue for many people in the UK as well.

What did you used to do - pre kids and before emigrating?

I did work and I have carried on paying NI but fir me its more£500 a year. I had paidover 20 years of contributions so diddn't want to loose my penison. The rest you can't get back it has gone into the pockets of others .
I do part time teaching, but want to improve my local language knowledge written ,and maybe get a better job. Possibly translating ...anything to work the brain cells!