anybody out there

[squeezytentacles]

Hello! Got guided here through the chat section!
I would try to link to my original thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/1550365-Would-like-another-perspective

Hi love!

Love, if it is any consolation, I chose to come here and was miserable when my son was small. I think being away from "normal to me" magnifies the typical struggles of a mum with young children.

If you fancy a no holds barred blurt to get everything off your chest...go for it. And then we can bounce about ideas as to how to get your DH to understand how you feel and what stratgies you can use to ease the unhappiness in the meantime.

And another big fat hug, cos I know it feels awful not to have any obvious and easy solutions at your fingertips.

Hi Suocera. Thanks for understanding!
My DH is a good guy. He is decent, and is genuinely thinking of saving up for DS's future. Hence I feel awful mentioning my desolation.
But being alone , with no support (emotional, the baby is a really good one to look after)never lets you have calm thoughts, does it.
My big rock, my mum passed away nine months ago too..
Mat leave has not turned out as I imagined....

Oh sweetheart, dealing with such a huge loss too.

I don't have a big fat hug big enough, I am so so sorry.

IRL good men are not paragons of virtue than never make a mistake or have perspectives of their own that they feel are just as important as anybody else's. He isn't a bad husband, he is just seeing things from another angle becuase he isn't living inside your head and feeling things the way you do.

I think if you felt you had been able to communicate how you feels so he understands it, even if that means you all stay there and focus as a family at helping mitigate the negatives for you, that will help a lot.

There is nothing more lonely than feeling like nobody understands, especially when the nobody includes the people you love the most.

I am going to write it down as you suggested in the other thread.
May be articulated better.

That does help sometimes.

My DH is Italian, so has no idea what it is like to be an alien here. Or anywhere else for that matter.

When things reached a fairly dangerous head I wrote it down. Took care to make it non accusatory, not a liteny of his failures (which were many ) but more a clam and fairly non emotional explanation of what my life was like from my perspective and asking him to not "fix me" but at least understand my experience of our life was not the same as his experience cos we were dealing with very different realities.

It wasn't a quick fix, we still had hiccups, rows and still do even now. But it was a start, and I think the first time he "heard" me.

And I'm still here. But becuase we worked through things I chose to live here, rather than feeling trapped into it. Which IMO is a vital element.

Hi there I don't know if this is going to be helpful, but what you are feeling is really normal for 'trailing spouses' (lovely term ) and I think probably exacerbated by your only planning to be there for a very short period of time.

It's really tough moving somewhere new without all the other really big things that have recently happened to you and it's not surprising that you're finding it tough.

There have been some very good and helpful threads in this section with advice on settling and making sense of the expat world. I don't know if you can look back through the history here?

Hang in there and some far more experienced expats will probably be along shortly with some good advice...

Hi - I know two Doha-based mums on Twitter, one has a blog - shamozal.blogspot.co.uk/ - Dm me if you want the details of the other. I'm so sorry you are having a hard time, moving overseas can be awful, so isolating, but everyone back home thinks it's all one long party and beach holiday!

I think i have turned into a 'wilting spouse'!! But is reassuring to learn I am not alone