DH wants to move to Oz. I am not so sure. But is this the end of road to us going anyway?

[ODearMe]

Hi all, I have posted on here a couple of times about this:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a1426300-AIBU-to-take-my-1-year-old-DS-to-the-other-side-of-the-world-to-fulfill-my-husbands-dream

As it was my DH's absolute dream but not my own, I decided a compromise was the only way forward and agreed I would move to Oz for 2 years - for him.

We are currently applying, the forms and references have gone off; dh has sat an IELTS exam. Medicals were next on the list.

HOWEVER, he received a letter today from the skilled migration assessment people saying dh's application has been unsuitable but he is welcome to appeal for $350.

The issue is that he is a specialist quantity surveyor, not a general one.

Do you think this means we will be access denied completely? DH has contacted our agent to ask if it is the end of the road but I am too impatient to wait for her response - i want to know if any of you out there can tell me!

DH will be devastated if it is a rejection. I will feel sorry for him but I will be doing cartwheels on the front lawn for my own self. The decision will have been made for us iyswim!

Thanks all xxx

bump

I'm afraid I can't answer your visa question ODear, I'd suggest maybe the Poms in Oz site may be a good place to ask though.

I really hope that things work out for you.

It may not be completely the end of the road, but it may mean that your DH would need to get a job out there and get the employer to sponsor him into the country, rather than going on spec, as it were.

I would also look at www.immi.gov.au for more information as well - there is an online check you can do to see how many points you achieve for purposes of immigration (assuming you haven't already done this).

I really think you need to bear in mind that if you go as PR that the second your children land on Australian soil they become Aussies. That means if, god forbid, your marriage breaks up and you want to return to the UK it becomes a whole heap more difficult. There is a thread about it on the Poms in Oz site.

I feel horrid talking about that, but it is something you ought to know/think about carefully.

Your agent will have the specifics of your case so, while I completely understand your impatience, they will be the ones who can answer your question, not us internet randoms

Generally for skilled migration you are applying to be considered for a very specific occupation as listed on the "occupations in demand" list. This is updated every six months. When we first considered the move DH's occupation was on the list, then it went off so everything was on hold until it came back on again (which luckily it did six months later) so your agent would be able to advise on whether this is likely to happen to you.

We did consider looking at ways in which DH could show that he met the requirements for other, similar, jobs which were on the list but tbh that is quite hard to do as skilled migration looks for experience doing EXACTLY the job they currently want.

I would look very carefully (and take advice) about the grounds for appear before spending more money. If it was your dream, rather than your husband's, I probably wouldn't be so blunt, but for a lot of people it just isn't possible to get the necessary visa. However, if it really is your DH's dream and he won't be satisfied unless someone in authority tells him categorically that it won't happy it might be worth spending the money just to have closure.

SISS Permanent residency is not citizenship. You have lots of rights as a permanent resident but you are not Australian. Your children cannot get Australian passports, nor can they vote as adults if only PR

True Allthree but her Dh could stop her removing them from OZ should the marriage break down, she would be stuck there till they are 18. She couldn't just up and leave with them if things went wrong.

Sorry California but that isn't correct. Australian law would stop the children leaving only if they are Australian CITIZENS; unless I have misread the OP her DH isn't Australian, and they would have to be in Australia as permanent residents for five years to acquire this. The people who fall foul of this are usually those with an Australian spouse in which case Australian law is very protectionist around the children.

i split from my partner in australia and we all have PR and i left and came back to uk with my DD, not that ex would have tried to stop me!

I have heard of the Hague Convention, whereby I would not be able to take any DC out of the country without DH's permission. If I did, it would be deemed as child abduction! DH has said that if it makes me feel more relaxed about going, we can draw up an agreement which he will sign, giving me the freedom to take any DC back to the the UK when I want.

There is no update, other than DH is going to appeal the decision. I will let you all know the outcome. x

Sorry OP, we strayed off the point Good luck.

The agreement wouldn't be worth the paper it's written on. Austealia was used a lor in the past as a way of hiding children from the other parent so they are quite sensitive about these things. Bottom line is if the child has two living parents then permission is required from both to enter or leave Australia. You simply will not be able to board a plane without it even if the other parent hadn't been in contact for 12 years, believe me I know.

I got on a plane two months ago without my DP. I was carrying a letter in case I needed it but no one asked. I had my 9 month old DS with me. My last name is different to his and I was going to Nz where I could have stayed indefinately if I had wanted to. Applying for a passport requires both parents signatures, unless you jump through hoops though

I always take a letter with me as well, whenever I go back to the UK with DS (DH hasn't left Australia in 3y, DS and I have been back and forth 5 times) but have never been asked for it either.

However - if I was fleeing the country with DS, DH could easily put a stop to it by alerting the airports, so I wouldn't be able to take DS out without his agreement.

Thanks all. Bit of an update - dh wants to appeal the 'not suitable' decision and has also asked me to send my cv to our agent to see if there is anything they can do with mine. It is very doubtful, i hardly have what would be on the wanted list. I also feel very funny about giving in my cv because I really don't want to go - I am a bit worried it will backfire my giving it in in case they can do something!
DH has been in a terrible mood since the rejection and there is a horrible atmosphere in the house. He keeps asking me to send my cv, he doesn't seem to be hearing that I do not want to go but he is like a dog with bone. I said perhaps we should just accept we didn't get in - he is not prepared to give up. I am only entertaining it in the first place because I am worried he will be unhappy for the rest of his life and take it out on me and our DS.
I dont know where to turn! Help!
x

The thing is (and I haven't read your other threads) you did agree to go, not to try once and stop at the first hurdle. I don't think his behaviour has been reasonable in response to the rejection but you probably do let things run their course if you are still committed to going for 2 years for his sake. On a practical level, if your CV proved more successful would that mean you were the only one with a work permit? Is that an appropriate outcome for you both?

It's pretty clear you really, really don't want to go and pretty clear he really, really does. There is no obvious compromise in that other than he goes without you and you review the situation after 6 months or a year?

I don't think you should do this because you think otherwise he will take his unhappiness out on you, btw.

I think your DH should maybe consider doing a spot of retraining himself, if he's that desperate to go. If he can broaden his own skill-set, he might end up being more suitable - and then it might work out.

He is being unreasonable to try and get you to be the worker out there, especially if you don't want to go, IMO.

If he really wants it that badly then he needs to do the work to get himself up to scratch, as it were, and then try again when he's done it. I agree with you that you need to probably allow him to have another go, and if it works out, to go with him for a couple of years - but I don't see at all that you should have to be the worker for it.

As a quantity surveyor, his skill set might not be that much in demand at the moment anyway because the building industry has slowed down quite dramatically - house prices have started to fall and the whole property market is more stagnant than it has been, so property developers are holding off a bit (which is beneficial for people trying to buy houses but not so good for those in that trade). But he might not be in the building trade of course, so that might not be relevant info to you.

I think you need to seriously discuss going at all because you do not want to go.

If he takes it out on you, that's being unreasonable.

But this is a huge decision you shouldn't undertake if you don't want to.

Thanks for your replies. I know on previous threads I said I would go - and I have changed my mind to not wanting to go because of dh's attitude. Everytime I want to discuss it, he tells me there is nothing else to discuss - or 'that's it, we are not going then are we?!' and I never said for one minute I wouldnt go, just that it is such a big decision and I want to feel good about going and work through my fears with him. It is things like this that has re-opened my eyes to a new dimension that I am supporting him in his dreams but I am not being supported back - i do feel rail-roaded into it now, and it is has turned me off the idea.

We are applying for PR and his CV has not worked, so if we were to get in on my CV - does that mean I would have to be the employee and DH stay at home with DS? I just thought it would be to get the points and then how we arrange our family set up?

I have suggested to DH that he re-trains anyway, not to move to Oz but for his own sanity (he hates his job and probably the crux of why he wants to start afresh in OZ) but he responds by telling me I am in cloud cuckoo land, and we have bills to pay etc, and he cant just take time off to train in a new career.

Sorry to drip feed by the way!

If you're going out on a working visa and you are the one with the suitable points to go, then yes, I believe you are the one who needs to get the job. But I don't know this for certain - you do need to go onto another forum (such as Poms in Oz or British Expats), or discuss it with your migration assessment people directly.

ExpatinScotland - I have tried to discuss it and he is not hearing me. I even resorted to writing a long long letter and sitting there with him while he read it. It did seem to sink in at the time, but now he keeps reminding me i need to send off my CV - even though I said I thought we should accept we did not get in and I felt physically sick at the prospect of going.
I am partly to blame for the situation as I did tell DH I would trial it for 2 years in the first place, but his behaviour about it has made me feel like he does not respect my thoughts and feelings, obviously not good a good sign!
I am worried that if I do develop a backbone and insist I am not going, then this will have serious consequences.

As I think I said before, the other option is to try and get a job directly with a company in Australia and have them fix up your visas - they will sponsor you into the country. But in that instance your visa would only last as long as the job - if your DH didn't like the new job, and was unable to find a new sponsor while in Australia, then leaving the job would mean leaving Australia again. (This I do know as it happened to acquaintances of mine).

'I am worried that if I do develop a backbone and insist I am not going, then this will have serious consequences.'

It's going to have serious consequences regardless because, as you have said so yourself, he is expecting you to support him 100% in his dreams, but you are not getting this back in return. And isn't all about him - he's part of a unit now.

You are allowed to change your mind. You did not sign a contract saying you'd go.

You don't want to.

And from the sounds of it, he's being very childish and selfish about this.

So would you rather the 'serious consequences' happen here, or when you're stuck tens of thousands of miles away from all your support network, job opportunities, etc. in a place where you don't want to be?

Because that's the real heart of the matter, not the visa situation.

Yes Expat - nail on head x

You could try a 457 visa which can last for up to 4 years. It is only temporary so you need to consider the consequences of this. You need to find an employer willing to sponsor either one of you. That could may be work in that you will stick to the 2 years.

However. It will be a very long and lonely 2 years if you genuinely do not want to give it a try. You need to have a proper sit down conversation. Cards on the table time.