How did you decide to go, esp. wrt to moving kids

[RillaBlythe]

so...

DP & I met working overseas & it has always been the plan to spend time overseas again. The usual things intervened (mainly just the kids actually!) but we now have two small DC (4 & nearly 1), & he is in a position where he could find a job overseas. This is totally driven by us, there is a long & detailed career path here he could follow & going overseas would be a diversion!

We've been tossing this idea (this specific move I mean) back & forth for about a year now. We would probably go when the DC were 5 & 2, for a year/2 years.

DP is all for it. I am more hesitant, mostly wrt to the DC. I worry about the effect of disrupting them, not so much in terms of schooling (although I might have to homeschool the elder one!) but the leaving of their social networks here, being in a foreign environment, & then the effect of coming back again - we would hope to get them back into the same schools, but I know that is not a given, & all their friends would have continued on together without them - how easy would it be for them to slot in again?

I am sure all this is stuff everyone who has moved away temporarily has hashed over & would love to hear your thoughts & experiences.

PS not to drip feed - we would probably live rurally/in a small town, in the country my dad originates from. I have family there still but we would not be living near them. I have lived there for a year after uni. So there is a "story" for the DC in moving there, if that makes sense.

I would say re-consider your timelines. I don't think going somewhere for a year is worth it. By the time you get there and settle everyone in, it'll be time to start thinking about moving back. Two years would be the minimum time frame for which I would consider another overseas move with kids (barring insane offers of wealth and fame of course ).

We were in Dubai for a year (pre-kids) and it really did feel very very short. Now been in HK for 3 years and it's really flown by.

I wouldn't worry too much about them slotting back in at primary level- friendships are pretty arbitrary/ fickle at that age anyway. I think it would be harder at secondary level once friendships start to firm up.

I agree with RichMan. Two years - you spend the first year settling in and the second planning your return!

We have been in Singapore for 6 weeks. We are here for either 2 or 10 years I think. Our DSs are 9 and 7. We figure if they don't settle we'll go back after 2 years. Otherwise we'll stay until the youngest is at uni as we wouldn't want to disrupt them during the teenage years. That was the thinking before we arrived here. We have settled well (so far - we have friends here which helps hugely). But now I'm leaning towards 10 years. I have to say the kids have struggled with it more than I thought. They were in village schools in the UK and had known their friends since they were 4 so don't really remember life without them. Ppl say kids are resilient, and they are, but I think it's far easier if they're younger. Helping them with the fallout of their emotions, and dealing with the guilt of uprooting them has been hard for us to deal with. So once they're settled (and I'm sure they will, especially when they start school in 2 weeks) we'll most likely stay for the long hal, especially when we consider all the other variables like the UK economy, the career opportunity DH has here etc.

One funny story. The boys were saying they thought all the kids here would be mean. We didn't think too much of it. Then they finally explained their thinking. They had watched Karate Kid and all the baddies are oriental kids so in their minds they were gonna get attached by the kids here! Helps to understand what's going on for them...

K xx

Just to add too, as my post sounds a bit neg, that I try to remember the opportunties we're giving them. For example, where we are it's much safer than in the UK so I can give them a bit more independence, plus we could never fford a private education in the UK. So there are lots of pluses and they will benefit. They just can't see that!

We moved when our children were 7 and 8 and our children did find it difficult for really quite a long time (not helped when we unexpectedly had to move again six months after we left the UK). I suspect that moving with younger children is harder for parents (just because looking after small children in an unfamiliar environment can be tough) but easier for children. We originally planned to evaluate at 2 years, and I think if we had stayed in the States (our first destination) we probably would have gone back to the UK at that point. Now we are hoping/planning to stay put until the children are at university.

I think that if you only took a year away it would probably be very easy to slot back in, and it would probably not be very difficult after two years, depending on the environment.

We are on the move again soon. DD was born abroad and lived in four different countries before she and I moved to England last year. DH joined us a couple of months ago.
Since he hasn't been able to find a job locally, we are off to Malaysia in a couple of weeks time.
IME, our DD (now 11) has benefitted from her multiple moves. She is, fortunately a confident little girl though. She is greatly looking foreward to going back to Asia.
We are planning at least two years, possibly three maybe four. I'd like her to come back to do the last bits of her education in the UK.
My only piece of advice would be to make sure their education is either Ib or Igcses. I think it's difficult to move between the two.