Anyone escaping the heat soon? And going "home" ?

[Windandsand]

We will be leaving the middle east for the summer soon and will be staying at mil for the whole if the summer. Dh says its good for the kids to see their family as I have none. He will be there 3 weeks. We won't do anything else as also dh says its too expensive and we should be saving. Although mil lives in a lovely part of Europe, it's a little isolated, me and the dcs don't speak the language and no one speaks English. We all try by usually give up with tiredness. Does anyone else do this every year? Dh says we have to and I am ungrateful for not wanting to let mil see the dc and spend time with them. I would love to take the kids somewhere else, but dh refuses as its free at mil.

What do others do?

Personally, I would not dream of leaving my DH over the summer, but then it's different as he would not want us to. I know that loads of women and kids do de-camp for the summer; I also know that the seedier hangouts here are full of abandoned men over the summer looking for someone to 'keep them company'.

If I were you, I would go for a short time only. Not being able to speak the language is a real handicap. For the rest of the time, if he won't let you take them anywhere else, then stay home.

We're in California and going home for a month - DH will be there for a week and DC and I return 3weeks later.

Totally different though, we'll stay mainly with my parents but will be traveling around seeing others and mum is taking care of DC occasional days so I can escape to London for a few days.

If you don't want to go and spend all that time with MIL then don't! Sounds pretty isolating and not much of a holiday for you

I live in HK where the mass exodus is about to start (The Americans have gone already - other nationalities leave end of June until mid-August). I am staying here this year as having a baby at start of August and also I work so can't really do a long trip right now.

Last year I took DS (then 10mo) back to the UK for 6 weeks. Based myself at my mum's but DH came over for 2 weeks in the middle and we then hired a house in the New Forest near his family. It was lovely, but was too long away. I almost found I had to reintegrate myself when I got back. I'll go back to the UK next year (as wont then have been back for 18mo) but prob only do a month- 2 weeks with Dh, 2 weeks without. Not worth doing the trip with 2 under 3's for less time than that.

I do think it's important for the children to spend time in the UK and the HK summer is uncomfortably hot (although not as bad as the ME). However, I would be not jumping with joy at the prospect of your summer I must say, largely due to the isolation and the language barrier.

My view on the husbands "looking elsewhere" while the wives/DCs are away is that if the only reason they're not in bars looking for pick ups is that you're there policing them, then they ain't worth having, so better they bog off with someone else asap

WindandSand - if I were you, I would just go back for the 3 weeks your DH is going.

I'm not in the ME, but it seems a bit mean of your DH not "let" you explore one or two other countries in Europe while you are there. I mean, its family money, not just his. You could take the train!

I thought all ex-pats in the ME were on HUGE tax-free salaries, so you could easily afford to travel

I'm in Japan, where the heat doesn't hit properly until July but I am not going to the UK to visit this year (teenage DCs with plans over the summer, and I work full time so am saving up money and annual leave for a trip next year)

Yes - leaving Shanghai today and cannot wait! This is our 6th summer and for the first 4 or so I swore I wouldn't do the whole "expat families leaving for the summer" thing but it's so miserable here over the summer (too hot to go outside and do anything and ds is still too young for any of the summer schools - plus there is nobody here at all!

DH is coming for a month in the middle (he's arranged some business out of UK) and we're staying a whole 8 weeks. This is the longest we've been gone since we became expats and we do think it's really important for DS - and for us - to spend time with family that isn't a rushed week here and there. We tried staying with family the first time we did it but it's claustrophobic and we were glad to go home. last year we experimented and rented an apartment close to the inlaws (with enough room for my parents) and it was brilliant being close to everyone but without the obligation to spend every waking minute with them. This year we've been very lucky and have bought a house - I suspect this means I will be living in a building site for 8 weeks! but as an expat child myself it means a lot to me that my son gets to spend a long period "back home" since he was born and has always lived outside his countries of nationality. and I really want to give him a home base that gives some stability when we'll probably move to several different countries during his childhood. I know I'd have loved a constant "summer home" when I was young.

I feel for you having to spend the time where you don't want to be, but I do think that the kids benefit from real connecting time with their families that they don't get when they live in the expat bubble.

Is there any way you can arrange a break in the middle to go and visit some of your friends? that way at least you have something to look forward to and it might make it a bit more bearable. I think your DH is being a bit unreasonable saying you're ungrateful - it's not him who has to stay with his inlaws for that length of time! but if there really is no option, I think we all do a lot of grinning and bearing it when it comes to visiting family!

Windandsand is it really all up to your DH? Its your summer - wanting the DC to see their grandmother (and vice cersa) sounds finem, but something sounds wrong to me if your DH gets to say what you are doing and you just have to do as you are told... 2 weeks max would be enough with your MIL then 2 weeks in a budget holiday cottage somewhere you actually want to be, then go home a bit sooner???

Situation doesn't apply to where we live but being "packed off" like a teenager to your MIL when you don't want to go (at least not for so long) sounds awful!

Queenofsheba... really ? I think it's a sign of a healthy relationship that you can spend time apart ... They've demolished the rattlesnake FYI.

I'm leaving for 8 weeks and can't bloody wait, its got much hotter this past week and i can't cope with that AND Ramadan so dh will join us for 3 of those. Weeks and then go back to earing his nice tax free salary

but we're moving around staying with friends and family ( no longer than a week anywhere except 2 weeks when I'm house sitting. And a week camping I France.

exactly! it sounds as if OP is being "packed off"

seriously, Wind, tell him you are not happy with the arrangement and would like to spend some time elsewhere

I went back to the UK last summer for a month as I was on maternity leave. But normally I can't take a month off work so it isn't possible for me to do this in the summer every year.

That said lots of expats here (Singapore) have gone or are going soon as the various schools finish for the summer (we don't have any seasons in particular it's just hot all the time but not as hot as with you). I would love to go back to the UK but having been back at Easter as Richman says there is a certain period of readjustment when you get back and the jet-lag was pretty horrendous for us this time.

But that is completely different to your scenario as although we would spend time with DH's family we would also be seeing my family and there is no language barrier. I would essentially be going 'home'.

Can MIL come to you or could you go for less time?

Richman it can be a bit of a pain having early August born dcs as there's never many people around for their parties (ds is one) - of course that can also be a blessing .

Hmmm, I'm going back for two months. I know it's too long because I did the same thing last summer and it felt almost like a fresh start when I returned. However, it is the right thing to do as regards my DCs; two are students in the UK, and two are out here at school but feel a strong attachment to the UK and want to go "home" for as long as possible.

We have a house in the UK though, so I can be much more of a free agent than if I were staying with relatives. DH will join us for three weeks.

OP, how old are your DCs? Can you leave them with your MIL and you go off somewhere to see friends, so that you get an actual holiday?

Yy to richman, if there's a worry that a DH might stray if left alone, then the marriage is a lost cause. DH and I are OK with time apart. Lots of practice at that.

Sorry OP but your DH sounds horribly controlling. He's not the one staying with someone else's family for a long time in a country where you can't communicate. Three weeks (while he's there too) seems like plenty of time with your in-laws - you need to tell him you are not doing it and work out your options for somewhere else.

As to the OP .. I agree with the others ..it's surely not his sole decision to make,

An expensive holiday is still a lot cheaper than a divorce settlement.

it can be a bit of a pain having early August born dcs as there's never many people around for their parties (ds is one) - of course that can also be a blessing

I know- rubbish birthdays and youngest kid in the class . I should have planned it better!! I figure I've got 3 year's grace until (s)he notices the lack of proper party. Then I reckon I'll either have to have them in June or September.

What Sunnydelight said. ^

Your DH sounds like a controlling pita and tightwad.

The big issue here is who makes decisions about money. From is arises the question of where you and your children are shunted off to for long stretches of time apparently against your wishes and with the interests of the ILs and not you in mind.

Is marriage counselling available locally in the ME?

What would happen if you told him there was no way you were going to do it any more?

OP before we haul your Dh into the stocks, can we clarify whether it's a case of you desperately wanting to leave the ME for the whole summer, and your DH saying that the only way you can afford to do so is if you can swing free accommodation (i.e. stay with ILs) OR is it a case of you being happy to stay in the ME for the summer but him insisting that you go to ILs for longer than the 3 week "joint" trip.

Just asking as there is a big difference between the 2 scenarios, especially if you are genuinely skint. I know DH and I were surprised by how much 6 wks in the UK cost us, once you included our 2 wk cottage rental, a few nights in hotels when visiting friends with no spare room, the hire car etc.

Good point, richman about the costs of going home. We factored that into our consideration about whether to rent our house out or not whilst we were away. Holiday rentals in the UK are incredibly expensive in the summer. Also I really wanted to keep a bolt hole there, not only for me, but also for the DC who want to have a UK home while they are at university.

I'm just going back to the UK for 2 weeks with the kids (without husband as he is too busy at work at this time of year), but will be spending the rest of the summer in the ME. I have stayed here all summer before now and enjoy the quiet roads and time to do a bit of exploring. I am only going back for the 2 weeks, as I've promised the family I'll visit with the kids, to be honest I'd happily stay here.

There is a mass exodus each year and some families go for the whole 2 months, but me and 3 kids without husband is no fun!

I'd have a word with your husband about what you want.

V interesting replies ! Dh doesn't like to spend money at all and is a tad jealous of my big holiday in the summer. However, ladies I thank you as I discussed it with him as suggested and he is ok with me going to the uk and seeing my friends then off to mil... Which is ok, as I won't be there without him this time.

We prefer the kids to be in Europe over the summer for a change of scene and get out of the sun. Have to agree if dh looked around the minute I left would leave him, if I found out.

It's a big expense, the summer exodus, but I can't live here full time without leaving for the summer. We don't really have a big expat salary and dh is nervy of losing his job as are most people we know.

cool- glad you sorted it out. Seems like a good compromise

No need to leave the bastard

:) richmanpoorman!!!

But we need a regular place to stay, ESP as kids grow up and he has all of us not wanting to wait out the summer at granny's...

Yep, we leave next Friday till the begining of September for Ds and the middle of august for me (returning day after GCSE results). Dh will be coming with us for the first 2 weeks, then back to Dubai. Then in Ramadan Dh and his friends will be going to KL to play golf for 4 days (if they get it sorted). Then he will be back in the sweltering heat.

Ds stays with friends, goes camping with said friends, sees his grandparents in a different part fo the country twice. Last year he even got 2 weeks in Portugal. Sadly I get to look after my mothers house as she has recently gone into a home. Generally we have a good time, get lots of things done, theatre, medical specialists etc.

As for DH he gets to eat all the frozen meals I've left for him, go to steak club with his mates once a week (rules are eat steak, drink red wine and talk crap). They get up early 4.30am and play golf, go back to bed and get in work for 10.30, get home about 6 before the mental madeness of pre iftar driving hits the streets, have a rest and then play more golf. Sigh. At least its cheap. Do I miss him? Yes, do I think he will stray? No. Are there temptations? Yes. Is he really pleased when I get home? Yes yes yes.

Qatar here, 7 days and counting down. I can't wait. It's the first time I've been home since I arrived and I'm ready for a break from the madness now. Plus I am starting to really flag in the heat. Have had a thumping headache today.

I will be home for 8 weeks, but luckily we have our own house to go back to. I'd go insane having to stay with relatives for that long. DH coming for four weeks only.

Haha - yes, DH arrived last year just in time to experience the phenomenon that is pre-iftar driving. I'm not sorry I shan't be here to see it. I like to keep as many of my nine lives intact as possible.

IDKWIC look up there ^