Tips on keeping English culture in your family when living oversees

[ShakeWhatYourMamaGaveYou]

I have had 3 dc overseas and the oldest 2 are starting to get a sense of identity and whilst don't want to confuse them, them knowing they are half English and that's where I come from is really important to me.

I am trying to recreate English family traditions from my family and childhood as part if this..

Do any of you have tips on retaining a little Englishness in your family? (if that's what you want!) How do you go about raising your children to be 'half english' when you live overseas?

Thanks

I don't the answer to this one but I'm wanting to do the same thing.....

My parents absolutely forbade us from speaking French at home for a start. "English!" was a very common refrain. That preserved our mother tongue for starters. We also had loads of books in English.

Christmas and Easter we celebrated very much à l'anglaise. Presents for birthdays when our school friends all got their presents on their saint day rather than their birthday. Radio 4 on long wave (much easier now with the internet) Really simple things but helped us keep our identity. My mother never cooked anything but good solid English fare even with local ingredients. The bread was different but in a good way.

I don't know where you are but being in France it was quite easy to get back regularly (and thank our lucky stars for not living in Britain during the 1970s every time we came- it always looked so dingy and grey compared to SW France).

My sister and her family live in SE Asia and I think they have struggled to maintain their Englishness a bit more since it's difficult to get loads if things (many meats unobtainable for example, and can't get milk or the doings for a basic cake) although they are visibly expat and are surrounded by other expats. Coming back to the UK in a month though- they've decided they need a change of climate for the DCs.

I read them English stories like Burglar Bill and Just William.

I celebrate mother's day at the same time as my own mother in England.

I tell them that they are English when it comes up.

I correct them if they say back yard instead of garden

Sorry, meant to mention my other sister who lives in France with her 3 DC, two of them half French half English. She struggles a bit more due to the constant reminders for her 8yo DC that he is "mostly" French in that he has French father, French extended family, French school, French everything around him apart from my sister and my mother and father. He is bilingual but not as bilingual as his older brother whose father is English iyswim. The 2yo is bit young to tell at the moment. I think maybe they don't spend enough time in the UK- that might be the key, I don't know.

I want to do the same.

Tried to organise a diamond jubilee celebration but plans have fallen.

I did think that celebrating a British only tradition would work, eg. Guy Faulks night, then found out we are not allowed bonfires or fireworks without local authority permission. Kind of killed that plan...

Mint- sparklers and sausages?

Feed them marmite.

Yes I have sparklers and a cake piled high with chocolate flakes to cunningly represent the bonfire.

Our cultural situation in further complicated by my dh being from the West Indies and my dc are mixed race.

My oldest had a bit of a race issue last year when she was 7. She became obsessed by Africa after seeing some drummers from Ghana. I don't think she knew whether she was coming or going and I think that a lot of it stemmed from my dh not 'giving' her anything from his culture. He's not interested in it at all and I think when she saw all those black drummers she thought that she belonged with them. She was confused.

Or maybe she really wants to take up the drums? pooryou

I struggle with this one too-my DC are half French and half British, and DS1 at 4 is not as bilingual as I want him to be!
We do 2 visits(ish) to the UK per year, Skype UK friends and relatives fairly regularly and I speak English as much as I can to the DC.
Stories are in English, except school library books.
We watch English tv as well as French.
Christmas UK style, Birthdays a bit of a mix.
I (boringly) talk to the DC about the UK often, show DS1 where I was born on Google Earth, show him where Granny was born (Scot) etc.
Would be great to do something for the Jubilee-but not sure if I could get anyone on board to do it with me! (Good excuse to make scones though)

She was banging away on two massive milo tins she decorated with Ghanian flags for months! Very cross cultural with the Ghana/Australia thing going on.

No wonder she doesn't know what's going on!

sage- do a cream tea and invite all the neighbours in! They love all things English and you could do some cultural ambassadoring. I think it's good to showcase your own culture in front of the DCs- being in charge of an event that is appreciated by the people of the prevalent culture is very empowering for them. They feel like they don't need to be ashamed about their non-French side, if that makes sense. I used to love it when my parents hosted parties and refused to do in a French way, and most of all, all the people who came loved it too.

Savoy- definitely a drummer in the making there! ime children routinely develop violent passions for things or activities- it may be nothing whatever to do with her thwarted sense of identity.

Mintsorbet - sorry to hear your Jubilee attempts fell flat. My playgroup friends have been very accommodating of my efforts - today we had Jubilee craft in preparation for our Jubilee "street" party next week. It's been very difficult to buy anything proper over here (Australia) but I have managed to get some free downloads for crafts and today we made bunting, paper plates with Jubilee printouts stuck on for the children to colour in and stick prettystuff on; and I managed to get some gold crown blanks and a pot of mixed jewels so they could all make their own crowns.

Next week we will be having British themed food (although I had to explain that English muffins really don't count! ) for the party, with little Union flag cocktail sticks (managed to buy those, goodness knows how!) and stringing the bunting etc. I've promised to teach them the British version of the Hokey Cokey instead of the old-people version they do here, and we'll have some British music going on - can't do much else.

The diamond jubilee has been on the news regularly and they have shown Andrew Marr's 3-part Diamond Queen documentary over the last 3 weeks, which I really enjoyed watching; but in general, there is nothing obvious being done here. The party shop man didn't even know about it, which was a shame.

In general, though, the best I can manage is to keep DS using British words for stuff (sweets, slide, wellies, rubbish etc.) and trying to keep his pronunciation a bit more "English" - although I know I'm onto a losing wicket with that one as soon as he goes to school next year.
We have books of British wildlife, British birds, other British story books etc. - but in reality there's not a lot else we can do apart from having British-style food - Haggis on Burns' Night, roast turkey or goose Christmas dinner, proper Christmas pudding - and generally British style cooking, bangers and mash sort of thing.

In the end, I'm mostly doing it for me I think - he is half English but he's going to grow up Australian, like his Dad did (half Irish, you'd barely know) - so all I can do is show him that Britain/England has good stuff about it as well as Australia.

I'm the same with me DCs. We live in Turkey. I speak English with the Dcs (unless we are in company) cook some English meals, watch a Mix between English and Turkish telly, read English stories, regular holidays back to the UK and do the birthdays/christmas thing UK style.

The thing is I guess it is natural when they become school age to associate more with their friends. It has become really exciting for mine to sing the Turkish National Anthem (I get this face when I introduce them to ours), they spend every journey spotting Turkish flags and the Numerous statues of the Founder of Turkey and if ever there is a Turkey vs England Sporting event I don't even have to ask who they are supporting.

I was exactly the same. Mum Irish, Dad English and I was brought up in England. If you ask me my nationality I'd say England without even thinking. I wouldn't worry about it too much. When they become teenagers and are finding out for themselves who they are their intrest will be awkened. In the mean time isn't it lovely that they feel so at home and fit in so well with the world around them? I am sure your Dc's are much happier than children who feel very much a foreigner.

Savoy - do you manage to find Mothers' Day cards ok? I've seen a couple in March, presumably for sending back to the UK, but not many - or do you get them in May for the following year?
My mum is dead so it doesn't register for me so much, the UK date - it did this year because I was in the UK for it, and one of my lovely friends did me a Mothers' Day parcel for DS to give me (none of my family bothered their arses ) which was just wonderful of her.

Thanks guys! I am based in Nz, so whilst language I'd the same (just!) the culture is quite different and v v v far away!

Based on your replies I have a list:

Food
English books from my childhood
General chat when if comes up in conversation
Getting home more (tough when flights are sooooo expensive from here)
Sport- I.e olympic games will be a chance to explain why I'm supporting GB, not NZ although dcs can obviously support who they want!
Festivals and traditions: halloween, guy Fawkes, Christmas Brit style
Clothes- been ordering English clothes over the Internet - cheaper and nicer than here!
House- also been ordering some bits and bobs for the house from shops in england to keep it looking a bit brit..

On a personal level:

I am LOVING MN for getting back in touch with English things...

Trying to retain my English accent- I felt a bit upset the other day when I spoke to a friend back in the uk and she didn't recognize me as I sound so kiwi :( any advice how to get back your accent!?

If anyone had any more ideas please share them here..

I'm in NZ too shake. In a way I am kind of lucky as DS aged 7 in still adamantly very English in his very own, very stubborn way. He wore his English rugby shirt very proudly during the rugby world cup and constantly wears the London Olympics t-shirt my mum has sent him.

How long have you been in NZ? Guy Fawkes night is big here, lots of big community fireworks displays and you still get loads of stuff about the Queen and Royal family in magazines. I've actually been surprised on how much the Jubilee has featured in window displays in some local shops.

DS's Godmother is a history teacher and she sends him lovely children's books about British history.

One thing that DS loves, and I have to admit I do too, is the odd visit to one of the English Grocer shops in Auckland for sneaky supplies of English biscuits, chocolates and Yorkshire tea.

There are loads of people from England in NZ. Just about everyone I meet of european descent was either from England, had english parents. I think the culture in NZ is more "English" than you would expect, and very much more so than in Australia.

One thing I have found is that Kiwi's just love English comfort food - sunday Roast, toad in the hole, apple crumbles and custard. Don't be afraid to serve English food if you have guests for dinner!

Yes I buy my mothers day card a year in advance. My dds make me a daffodil each out of egg boxes so I have a bunch now.

Shake - watch more UK tv! do you have any box set DVDs, if the local tv is too crap? Listen more to it and talk slower - the faster I talk, the more I can hear the Aussie inflexion creeping in. I have to slow down a little and be a bit more careful, because I'm quite determined to hang onto my English accent (tragic I know but still)

thumbwitch aah that would be nice! :) ok will remember that- speak slowly... I am also determined to keep my English accent! Will start watching more Brit tv- a lot of the tv is British anyway.

shelscrape I am a bit embarrassed to say that I have actually been here nearly 7 years!! Dh is a kiwi and I feel a big like I've fitted in with his family and their traditions etc and let mine slip a bit. It's just sort of hit me recently- in the last year or so. Feeling horribly homesick :( But instead of whining about it I thought I'd try and bring as much of 'being English' as I could back into my life - try and counteract the homesickness..

Dd1 just started school and I realised that my dc really are little kiwis!! so they should be, but I realised I don't involve them in English culture as much as could. Dd2 is only 2 and ds1 3 months so not too late I'm telling myself.

Yes there are lots of Brits here.. Which helps! but strangely I don't have many in my close circle of friends - need to change that! I've only just discovered MN and am wondering how many MNers over
here?

Um that was not meant to sound like I'm embarrassed to be here 7 years but more that I sound like a real newbie!

We are in NZ shake and have been for just over 2 years. We do a bit of mix and match. Christmas I have really enbraced as kiwi, it doesn't feel right having roast turkey in the heat, this year we went camping. We did have a Christmas tree though.

We eat all the jaffa cakes we can get our hands on, we have pancakes on Shrove Tueday, celebrate Guy Fawkes - bought a olad of them ourselves and had friends over.

I know I use loads of phrases that mark me out as English (including loads of instead of heaps). DS1 & 2 were aged 10/12 when we came out so are pretty English. We look at photos of DS3 from when he was in the UK, I have made a photo book up for him which has him in the snow, at Hadrian's Wall dressed as a Roman, on the London Eye and we talk about this grandparents a lot as well as Skype. When my family in Uk or us in NZ have a birthday we have a cake with candles and sing happy birthday over the computer and 'blow' them out together.

I want to make sure he does not feel that the UK is superior to NZ which is a kind of feeling I have seen in others from the UK. He speaks better Maori than any of us.

Good luck

There are a few other MNers in NZ, if you look back through the topic thread titles, you'll find some about NZ and pick up the names - or you could start a thread asking who lives in NZ and see who crops up. :)

I really appreciated MN when I first moved over here, nearly 3y ago - it gave me a continuity that would have been hard to find otherwise - and I have made new friends by going to the Sydney meet-up, admittedly all UK expats so far but that's not a given!

Same as Horo. I have brought pancakes into nursery and then school every year to share with classmates. Bonfire and contraband sparklers on guy Fawkes, lots of good English tv (when we generally watch very little otherwise). Food is a very big way we do it (and one that gets the kids very gungho about being British). A normal birthday request here is 'a cake, homemade-not-from-a-box-English-style please mummy'.

They don't have English accents, I tried but failed. But they do use plenty of British words and phrases and my husband and I have conciously kept our Brit accents as best we can.

Talking to grandma/pa as often as possible. Talking about things like Eurovision. That sort of thing. It is important to me that my kids feel English as well as American.