Finding purpose as a trailing spouse

[grundian]

Hello

I am looking for any ideas. We are planning on the expat life for the next 15 years. In the next yr or two both children will be in school all day. So what work could I do - something part time and portable - has anyone found something? I am already the wrong side of forty. I would love to hear from a trailing spouse who has found something fulfilling to do.

Which country are you going to?

I enjoyed being a trailing spouse, but it coincided with having young children so no guilt trips about the SAHM vs WOHM thing.

DH has mentioned that we may move overseas in the next couple of years, and I have wondered about the career I have been building up. I don't think I could really launch myself into the charity side of things, but if we had enough money, I could see myself as a lady who lunches :)

I really think a lot depends how well off you are, tbh. If your DH earns enough to give a comfortable life where you can fund hobbies and the gym, then it is a pretty nice lifestyle. If you can't contribute to the family finances and have to watch the pennies, it is a different story.

really does depend where you are- my SIL was in your situation and as far as I could gather was prohibited from working in the country they were in- personally I would find that a deal breaker- but surely in most places you would be able tofind some sort of charity/volunteer work? Assuming you don't have hobbies or interestes you could develop independently?

What do you do now or did before you had children? What qualifications do you have?

After 3 years out of the workforce as a trailing spouse, I am now working for my former employer from the UK but in a different role. I do 21 hours a week which is a great balance as I have a toddler. I'm lucky as I live in a country where spouses can work without separate sponsorship, English is the business, although not official, language, and childcare is very affordable. I don't earn much relative to DH (c 4% of our monthly household income) but I really enjoy the work.

Prob around 50% of the trailing spouses here work. Many have their own businesses (web based retailing, lifestyle websites aimed at expats etc), quite a lot transfer their roles from the UK, and others just find work when they're here or work remotely in freelance roles, getting work from UK contacts.

A lot of people suggest charity work, but IME, unless you have professional skills (legal or finance) which you are prepared to offer on a pro-bono basis, or you have skills relevant to the charity's aims (e.g. they do vacc programs and you're a nurse), you often end up on some tedious fundraising/events committee, the internal politics of which make you want to kill yourself after about 5 seconds.

Do you have to work? If not, what about an OU course? It would keep you occupied.

Thank you for your replies. I don't need to work for financial reasons. I was an accountant but not a great one and I don't want to e behind a desk. I don't want to think my working life is over and I have no personal achievements left. Those do not need to be work I know but a lady asked me the other day what I do and nothing really is the answer. I need help to generate some ideas. We are in Germany.

I guess your kids are at international school, otherwise you don't have to worry about filling your day when your kids are at school really, as they'll be home before lunch in the state system :)

I think if you are going to have whole days to fill study would be a good option - if your German is already fluent then the OU degree or a masters or PhD or whatever your level (higher degrees might be an option in English via a local university) would certainly be an option if you can fund it ...

Teaching is the eternal option work wise but bits and bobs of language teaching won't earn lots and can be frustrating for one reason or another. If you have other skills of course you can teach other things, not just English, for example via VHS, or take courses to learn all kinds of obscure things from martial arts to a totally new language to crafts etc. etc.

Write a book? You can answer "what do your do?" with "I'm an author" even if you don't get published ;)

Write freelance articles and send them to local papers in the UK and see if anyone will publish - you might not make any money but you can then say you are a travel writer or journalist?

Join an international women's group - if you have time to go to their lectures etc. you might make contacts and get some ideas...

You can volunteer for Caritas I think, doing practical stuff...

Shame you don't want to use the accountancy as most charities will bite your arm off for some pro-bono finance work, and it would probably be very very part time (I used to do one day a week for a charity in Dubai) but you can still go around saying "I'm the financial controller/operations manager at X"

If you don't want to do a desk job at all, does that also rule out studying? Also, do you want something that brings you into contact with other people/ connects you to your community? I tried studying in Dubai, but I found I just kept procrastinating and it made me feel very isolated to just be beavering away alone in my apartment. So I'd say consider it, but it has to be something you really want to do vs a time filler, otherwise you just dont do it.

Wildcard suggestion- are you athletic? How about training your way up to an iron man/ultra-marathon etc.

For me it was teaching... I did a TEFL when we left England and it has been my passport to as much/little work as I have wanted. Luckily it's a job I really love and, 10 years later, I have turned it into a permanent (part time) job. Age has never been an issue and I am now mid 40s.

Before we moved to Germany I did a TEFL course and taught business English for 6 years.
After ds was born I studied with the institute of legal executives.
Now we are in China and I read with kids in year one and two and run the school library ( for free). the remainder of the time I am an expat stereotype and go out to lunch, have facials and play mahjong.

Am in similar position to op so this is a very interesting thread. I long for the uk and the country life we were giving the kids and now we are here in the middle east, I am so lonely although know lots of people. How do you know if it's your marriage that is in trouble or the expat thing? My sh keeps saying this year to go back but he doesnt want to. Feel like the whole thing is pointless, I just don't know now if it's our lifestyle which is causing thf trouble or we are unhappily married and should split up. How can you tell?

Hello grundian, I am in Switzerland! If you were not overseas, what would you be doing? Can you do it despite being in Germany? If not, what are your obstacles, and can you work towards overcoming them? Maybe you won't overcome them before you return, but maybe you will. If not, can you work out what you'd like to do when you do return, and work towards that instead (e.g. OU course)?

If all else fails, write a book