How did you make the decision to emigrate?

[RecursiveMoon]

DH and I considered emigrating to NZ a couple of years ago, but decided against it at the time. We're thinking about its again now, but usually just go around in circles when we talk about it.

We've both spent a fair but of time in NZ, and think that we could have a great quality of there. But we feel very guilty when we think of leaving family behind (although we hope that we and they could visit every year or so).

It feels like we're in danger of choosing to stay in the UK for our parents, rather than for us all as a family (DH, DS, and I).

Does anyone have any tips about how to think about this objectively?

I think you just have to stop over thinking and go - it is always possible (but costly) to return. As long as you have thought through the practicalities - mainly financial - do you have a buffer saved, do you have a job waiting or know one of you has an in demand line of work, and also non financial - is your ds is either very young or if older eager to go, then over thinking the extended family and emotional side will have you going around in circles indefinitely - go with your gut...

You might regret it either way, if you stay or if you go, nobody can tell you, and you won't know til you try...

We had 4 weeks to decide, which is probably best, we're only in Germany but I haven't got back to the UK in 2 years, it's not always as easy as you think. I am a bit sick of it atm but I feel that way if we'd stayed in the UK for all I know...

We had a week to decide - 4 weeks from then to move, is what I meant :)

Well, for a start we didn't know if it would be an option, as dd2 has a physical disability. But we decided we would have to try, as we didn't want to be the 'I wonder if...' people. So we did. It took 4 years for the application process to Canada at the time.

We've just been back to the UK for the first time in three years, and are completely skins as a result.m it won't be happening again for another few years!

Initial decision made for us by DH being offered a job, but the decision to actually go for it was tricky. Twice before he had been offered a role in the country (Singapore), and twice the timing had been off (birth of child, death of mother). It's me that is the home-body, he's the traveller, and I think when he came home from work and told me that another role had come vacant, that I just thought - why not?

Then I happened to be chatting to a friend who lives and works in Spain (moved entire family from UK seven years ago to run her own holiday villa, amazing choice and a brilliant one). She said - it's the things that you don't do that will always leave you wondering.

And that pretty much did it for me. If there is the smallest element of What If, I think you need to give it a go. Doesn't need to be forever - it won't be for us, that was one of my provisos. Having said that, if we love it, who's to say?

Good luck with the thinking. It makes your head hurt, eh?

Thanks all - yes londonmoo, it does make your head hurt!

DH and I need to think about the practicalities a bit more (jobs, £ etc). It's funny, DH was keener the first time we considered it, but now I'm keener.

I think how close you are to your family and how often you see them now are important factors to consider. It can be expensive to fly yourselves back from NZ on a regular basis.

We're in NZ and we probably see my in-laws for as much time as we would if we were in the UK - they visit for 6 weeks a year which is plenty

I think you're right What. I try not to think 'We can visit our family every year and they can visit us every year' too much, as this is likely not to be possible. Or to actually happen in the case of my parents. Ho hum.

I married an Australian and it was part of the "deal", iyswim. He would have been brokenhearted if I'd reneged on it afterwards.

I realise that's not much help to you...

We made the decision because DH took voluntary redundancy. then worked as a consultant but he isnt really cut out for the not knowing where the enxt job is coming from. Headhunters called him all the time (and still do), usually for underdevelpoed markets and whilst I have loved visitng China, Russia and otehr places Im not sure I would want my child educated there (for my own personal reasons, not a comment on any oterh countries education system). So we came to the middle east. We all enjoy it, DH much happier than he had been for a long time, Ds happy at school (last day of compulsory education today). Im happy in my own right and happy because my family are. DH family are very elderly and have never flown so have never been to visit. However Ds sees them for a few weeks each summer at the begining and end of the summer hols. My mother flies over every year and we stay with her in the summer. Friends love to visit for the sunshine year round.
Biggest problem, mother is becoming "pleasantly confused" and is currently in hospital. Question is when do I go home? Now or end of June for the summer. Can I leave Ds whilst he takes his GCSES?
Financially we have always included an emergency fund on one side so we can go home at a moments notice. Already this year I went to a funeral. We always have that money for just in case. We have never used it before but its always been there. Sorry I digressed.
Final point chose for you and not your parents.

I'm a dual national and had never lived in my other country for more than 7 months and never as an adult. I told DH that I wanted to and he was all over it. He asked his company to send us and San Diego was one of the places they offered. It then took two very long years.

Really shit schools - lived in the Cheshire 'triangle', and realising that we had enough equity to last until dh's pension kicked in.

Also, dd was 8, so if we hadn't got our arses into gear, 10+ years time, we might have felt it was too late (for dh). Not been easy without the support network that would have come with a job, though.

We moved for work and a better quality of life than we had in Canada. It was really hard to leave family and dd still sometimes cries for grandma 8 months later, but we have had all three sets of grandparents visit and we skype almost weekly.

In the end, we had to focus on what would be the best for our family ( dh, dd, and me), and not gps. I think we made the right choice!

We took baby steps really. Went to the Middle East in 2008 for "two years" for DH's job as he felt in a rut in London - i.e. we always intended to be temporary expats rather than immigrants. Actually only stayed a year, but moved to Asia from there, so been away nearly 4 years now with no plans to return. Can apply for permanent residency here in another 4 years but can never be citizens as not Chinese.

We don't really have any ties to anywhere (sold up in 2007 in the UK, no property here) so I guess we'll just go with the flow

I suspect what will trigger our return is when our parents get older/ infirm (currently all mid-sixties and in good health). I'm not sure we'll ever be permanently resident in the UK again though- prob try to find some way of splitting our time between 3/4 places.