I just dropped my daughter at her new school and I feel so sad that we are not back in the UK

[actiongirl1978]

We moved abroad to an English speaking country last week. The house is almost sorted, boxes almost emptied, I have done lots of practical things like shopping and admin etc. So I should feel together.

Instead, when I dropped her off this morning I felt dreadful and I just keep crying. I want to be back at our UK school where she was happy and I knew people. I really miss home and I am not sure I can feel like this for the next few years until we go back!

Tell me that this gets better and I will stop crying?!

Oh and I have to go to a new toddler group with my 2yo DS in a minute and I am absolutely terrified and I think I might cry if someone is nice to me!!

You need to give it time. Sorry but this is part of the process f settling in a new place.
It will get better.
Try to think of something you can do you couldn't do in the UK, for instance it is raining here right now - so could you go for a walk? Or buy a nicer coffee and cake? Or whatever, just find one good thing to focus on. It might help.

We move frequently and I always have a stage where the move hits me and I feel weepy and sad for a while. I spend too much time comparing what was with what is!

Sometimes it hits me within a matter of days but the last few times its been a few weeks in, once the dust of the move has settled etc. It does not last too long though.

Its normal I think. You soon get into the swing of your new life but it just takes a while to get to know people and find a routine and comfort zone. One thing I have found is that its best to push yourself out there to get to know people. 2 moves ago I got some kind of apathy that me not bother much and I can honestly say the 2 years we lived there were the most miserable of my life. You need to go the extra mile to be positive for the DC and when you feel ready arrange play dates etc. Join anything. Go along to any local socials - even if its not your cup of tea. You never know who you may meet. You certainly wont meet anyone sat at home.

I know its hard and sometimes just popping out to the shops can seem a chore because its all so different but keep at it and you will soon start to feel at home and happier.

We recently moved overseas a number of weeks ago and my daughter starts her new school this coming Monday. I have got past the initial 'wrench' that saw me anxious most days and now even though I am still anxious I am making efforts to meet new people - its exciting and nervewracking at the same time.

Give yourself time, you will get there.

It will get better - the first month in Australia was horrendous for me, and if we could have afforded the air fare home, I would have gone like a shot.

7 months down the line, and I wouldn't go back if you paid me. I love it here. There's lots of things I miss, don't get me wrong - my friends over here aren't a patch on my friends in the UK, but so many other things are better. Over time as we make more friends, I hope we will form stronger bonds, as good as those we left behind.

Hang in there, it will get better, and if you need to chat, or if you're in Brisbane, just pm me :)

Thanks everyone.

I went to the playgroup, started chatting to a lovely lady and then promptly burst into tears - I was howling!! So my 'first day at school and playgroup makeup' is streaked and I had to blow my nose on babywipes!

I think it is quite a stressful day doing school and playgroup together! Now I am off to collect my daughter and meet the other mums (we went in early to meet the teacher this morning).

Mummytime - I understand what you mean. We can see the sea here, whereas back in the uk my view was a main road and a co-op! There are also loads of lovely independent shops instead of big supermarkets. So it is indeed a lovely place to live.

I think I am really missing my mummy friends who I had my babies with and have been through all the ups and downs with me.

Arana - I am as far from Brisbane as I could be, but I will bear your very lovely offer in mind!! Thank you! I think just talking it over with people who have been through it themselves is quite cathartic.

I was told to expect six months of feeling wobbly and it was very true for me.

Thanks Hopandaskip... I shall put a big red circle on the calendar 6 months hence!!

I am feeling much better this afternoon, we have just stayed in and done some glittering and box unpacking. I feel a bit drained though and I have my eye on a lovely restorative glass of red when my husband gets home.

It is so much easier for them - they have ready made 'friends' with colleagues.

I love where we are living now, I think the emotional stuff just got the better of me.

Just out of interest - how many people listen to UK radio over the internet instead of their local stations? My husband thinks I need to acclimatise but I can't not listen to radio 4/2 all day...

IME the less I hung on to my old life the easier it got to assimilate. I have to say I was also told it would take about two years for it to really fully feel like home and that was true too.

I remember how hard it was, even when I made friends they weren't people I had any history with. It is tough to constantly try to be friendly and outgoing when everyone else already has friends. I took an evening class which helped and volunteered at preschool. It really just took time though.

Are you doing things to help yourself, like taking an exercise class? Not only is it the chance to meet people and learn something new, but exercise helps elevate your mood.

I have to say, despite how hard it was, I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. It has been totally worth it.

I couldn't ignore your question about radio actiongirl1978. I have been "away from home" for over ten years. I still listen to Radio 6 in the mornings, Radio 4 in the afternoons and even my teenagers (who have very little memory of living in the UK) prefer to listen to Radio 1. If you have a smart phone there is a great app called TuneIn which allows you to listen to any radio station in the world from your phone, so I even listen when walking the dog.
When we first arrived here the only British television we could get was Changing Rooms. This was in the days before iPlayer. I think I must have seen every episode dozens of times - it just gave me a sense of comfort.
You sound like you are doing a fabulous job of getting out there and trying to make friends. It is so difficult when you are coming from an established support group to nothing. Hang in there as it will become easier.

Someone mentioned dale Winton the other day and I got supermarket sweep flashbacks.

Hopefully the playgroup mums weren't too traumatised by your weeping and will be your new group of mummy friends.

It does take time x

Thanks everyone. It is all good practical advice and emotional support.

It sounds like I am trying to do all the right stuff anyway. But yes, I can honestly say it was harder walking into a new playgroup today than when I was giving presentations in the City 5 years ago. Having said that, I probably wouldn't have got away with crying then though!!!!!!

Nogood - thanks for the great tip! DH just bought me a blackberry when we moved, so the moment I get my DS 2 into playgroup in Sept, I shall start walking a bit more on my own and listen to the radio!

Madwoman - let's hope so!! Either that, or I will be getting a wide berth next week!

x

Actiongirl1978 The radio issue is the same for me! But this week I have started listening to a local radio station and its quite entertaining really!

I am still waiting for my furniture which should be here within the next week so it has hindered our settling in but I am hoping from then on it will be all engines go!

I hope each day gets a little easier for you.

I carried on listening to Radio 4 for a while (missed the Archers!) but as my rountine naturally changed I got more and more infrequent, and I haven't listened to Radio 4 now for months.

I think its part of a process. If having something familiar on helps you adjust at first, then go for it.

The traffic bulletins on Radio 2, especially Friday night, should help you feel glad you're not in the UK anymore!