mixed feelings about going back to UK

[Rillyrillygoodlooking]

Hi :)

We are in Christchurch NZ at the moment and have been for 18 months. We are due to stay another 8 months and then move back to the UK, to our old house.
We didn't move to NZ with the express idea of staying, and it has been quite a difficult 18 months, but now I have quite mixed feelings about moving back.
I know my old friends will have moved on, and I won't just be able to pick up where we left off, DS will be starting reception class late and neither DH or I have a job when we get back.
I have made friends in NZ, but I just can't imagine living here forever. The UK still feels like home, but I am kind of used to my life now. I guess I want the best of both worlds. We are moving back because of the feeling that we aren't really at home and to be closer to family. I really miss my mum.

But still, I just don't know if we are doing the right thing.

Have any of you moved away from "home", come back and then regretted it?

We were away for 12 years. Me and DD moved back last August and DH visits from Belgium.
I didn't know a single person here, and still only have nodding to acquaintances.
In a lot of ways I regret moving back, the economy is shit, the weather is poo and the cost of living ridiculous. OTOH, my DD is living the dream.
DH recently put forward the question of Singapore. He's been headhunted. I have to make the decision. Having made a list of pros and cons, I've come down firmly on the UK side.

interesting you still favour UK though, kreecher despite the downs?

We may well be in similar position at some point and relate to all your fears, Rilly. it's bloody hard to settle/sort everyone, make friends and then just as you do, you throw it all up to go back "home" which you have to remake, to try and refriend your friends who seem to be a little at you for having been on such a long holiday !

don't know what to advise, make simple list of pros and cons, must-dos before you go?

I've also got used to my life (and not working, finally) and cna't help thinking "is this it, for the rest of my life?" about going back. feels like a door closing. which i guess it is.

good luck.

Thanks for your messages.
Kreecher, do you mind being in a different country to your Dh? And how is your dd living the dream if you don't mind me asking?
Greatexpat, yes I know what you mean about is this it? We also think that we could be one of those families who come back to the uk and then decide that nz might have been nicer after all.
On paper the cons seem quantitatively so much worse than the pros.

I understand your mixed feelings. I have been in Malaysia for 18 months, and feel reasonably well adapted to it now, but it isn't home. I anticipate that going "home" won't feel like home either.

There was another thread very recently about how it is worth regarding the relocation back to the UK as another posting, and to allow time to adjust and so on. I suspect that being aware that it will not be an easy adjustment is a good start in itself.

We are in a very similar position Rilly - moved out here (Aus) 22 months ago, and go back to the uk in 6 weeks (omg - that looks scary written down!). My feelings are incredibly mixed - I found the first 18 month out here hard work, but I finally feel like we are settling into a routine and getting to know people etc, and we are going back. I want to go back to the extended family, but will miss Sydney more than I ever thought I would. I think I would feel better if popping back for a visit was easier than it is. Very hard feeling so torn.

Rilly it's not too bad being away from him. We speak on the phone every night and he gets back every other month or so and during school holidays. He is a teacher and coming back tomorrow.
DD is settled, she has a sense of home now and is even developing the local accent [shmm].
We are in a completely different situation though. He is only two hours away door to door.

Hi Rilly, I live in NZ too. I went back to the UK after living here for 2 years but then decided to move back to NZ again after another year. I do understand where you are coming from (although how you cope with the never ending quakes,I've no idea - my hat goes off to you and all Cantabrians).

Whichever country I'm in now, I miss the other. I love living in NZ but miss friends and family terribly. When I was back in the UK though, I found quality of life was far poorer - longer hours, smaller houses, busier roads, rubbish weather. I suspect I'll always feel torn now between the two countries. For now NZ feels right but if my parents get sick or I lost my job here then that might change - if so, it's not the end of the world to shift again.

Can I ask why you are planning to go back to the UK in 8 months? How does your DH feel about it? I guess I'm wondering whether you are going back just because that is what you agreed beforehand, or whether you have taken the time to reassess the situation in light of how you feel today?

Kreecher, one of DH's solutions to moving back home was that he get a job abroad and come home every few weeks. Given that we had been arguing a fair bit (through stress) I was warming to that idea
Pip, I have got used to it here and there are things that I will miss. I didn't think I would be saying that. The earthquakes are a part of why we are going back. Christchurch I am sure will be a great city but I am too impatient. And if we stayed in nz I wouldn't want to go somewhere else as I am used to Christchurch. We are moving back in 8 months because if we moved back when we had originally planned, DS would miss out on a lot of preschool time because of the summer holidays. It's important that he had this time as he has difficulties he needs help with.
I feel sad already as I have made a couple of really good friends and one of them is having a baby tomorrow.

ah, rilly, tha'ts hard. it's such a shame and so unnatural to rip up these ties we make, isn't it? just spent the afteroon with a lovely bunch of mums from dcs class after school outing. it was SO nice and i can really see me getting to like some of them, getitng to know their kids, all the normal stuff. and yet, we're probably moving (again) so what's the point? can't even talk about it with anyone here as it's such a small community and can't risk dh's work position. all in the balance but am going craxzy with the enormity of it all, what to do and how very much there IS to do if we really do go in a matter of weeks. it's tough. That saying (Chinese?) "may you live in interesting times" was a curse after all. We have such interesting lives being overseas, I reckon, but i'm not sure they're happier than the relative simplicity of sticking closer to your roots, your family, not uprooting every couple of years..Damn hard..