Bullied 7yoDS - Swiss school, German Speaking - Any advice

[heather1]

Grateful for any advice from people who have experienced similar. My DS started at his new school in October 2011. He speaks some German and Swiss German but is by no means fluent. He wants to make friends, obviously there are some language difficulties with this but he perseveres.
So he is being bullied - one boy in particular and a small group of others in his class. Examples:being dragged around a break time and pushed to the ground and kicked, held under the water in swimming classes, clothes thrown around after swimming and punched in stomach and back, dragged around in the garderobe. You get the general idea I hope. He is now of course worried about going to school and anxcious before breaks. He is also sometimes having confusing thoughs - another sign of anxiety. We have been into school on numerous occasions. We know we are not the only parents whose children in the class are experiencing this. We also know that Swiss schools are not so protective of the children as UK schools and children are expected to be more "independant" I have suggested to my son that he hits back - but never to hit first but he is really reluctant to do this. It is just not in his nature, at the moment, I think. Sorry this is so long. I just feel so awful sending him off to school every day knowing that 1. he is really worried and 2. He could be physically attacked. He is doing well academically so thats one good thing. I have been into the school on many occasions but it makes no difference. Any advice gratefully recieved. I cant keep him at home (which I would like to if it doesnt stop) because you cant homeschool here. We cant afford international school. The school do not have a legal obligation to keep him safe but I am legally obliged to send him to school. We have spoken to the headmaster and he spoke to the class but the next day my DS was swung around again in the garderobe and went into the toilets to have a cry. Its killing me to see him unhappy. First we disrupted his life to bring him here and he coped so well and not he is facing this horrible situation. I feel so guilty. I know that if it doesnt stop we will have to come back to the UK because there will be no other option if we cant stop it as homeschooling is not allowed and international school is just too expensive. Rambling now so will stop!

Bloody hell. Sounds horrible. What about going to the police? Or just telling the school that's what you are planning to do? Or getting a solicitor to write a letter to the school saying you will sue if they can't stop your ds from being physically assulted? Sounds like school is being utterly crap and need a kick up the arse. Are you sure their lack of action really is a cultural thing and not just a crap head / school thing?

If you re-posted this in the bullying section in education you might get more responses.

Eeek that is horrible! I have a 6 yo dd in the first class in Germany and cannot imagine sending my child into school knowing what you do, law or no law... what a horrible situation for both you and your son.

I have (fortunately) no direct experience BUT although you can't afford international school, could you find an alternative school - an Eltern Initiative if they have those in Switzerland, or some other school that will take him, just to get him out of where he is now. I work/ed (on parental leave atm) at an Aktive Schule here in Germany - it is an Eltern Initiative and the parents have to help quite a lot - not with teaching but with cleaning the school on a rota, cooking lunches on a rota, accompanying trips, donating materials and various other things - the fees are hugely less than an International school though - in fact not much more than Kindergarten fees, the school gets a certain amount of subsidy and fees cover the gap to pay the teachers' salaries, the rent and heating etc. but there is no profit motive and it is run on a shoe string. I always think that the parents who choose this school are the ones who would home school in the UK. The children are there for all sorts of reasons, mostly strongly held parental principles but some of the children couldn't "fit in" to the very rigid mainstream primary school (including being too bright and teased mercilessly, very off the wall personality also bullied) and are switched out of mainstream school for that reason by parents.

I hope you find somewhere else your son can be happy and learn in peace - in the UK everyone would say make the school sort it out, but we all know the approaches of schools are not the same everywhere as they are in the UK and you have to do what is best for your child if fighting the system isn't working.

Big un-mumsnet hugs to your DS and you!

Hi,

Can you go and see someone at your gemeinde? You can move schools under certain circumstances. Also heard of one gemeinde actually paying for someone's daughter to go to private school due to integration issues but this was mainly due to language problems.

If it is one child that can be singled out can't you ask for the address and go to the parents house to try and sort it out?

Where are you living, can you pm me? I can't offer experience, my son is same age but we put him in a bilingual school which has a mix of kids. I can offer a listening, private ear. So sorry this is happening to you.

Try also posting on English Forum Switzerland, I have read similar posts on there, and someone will definitely post some wisdom and advice. There is a Swiss teacher who regularly posts on the site.

Have you asked for a bursary/grant from the Intl school? Not the ideal answer obviously, but it could be a route to explore.
In your shoes, I would approach the parent. DD was at Int'l school in CH and being bullied. School were next to useless.
Parent much more receptive.
Good luck.

Thanks for your relplies. If is isnt resolved we will definately try the moving schools route. Im hoping it can be reolved in the school he is in though because so far we have been her since last year and he has had 1 kindergarten and 2 schools. Thanks for all your suggestions. If we get a positive result Ill be sure to post an update. At least it is Sports Ferien so we get a bit of a break!

Heather - that's awful, I'm sorry your DS (and you) are going through this.

Try posting the same post on www.englishforum.ch you will definitely get some really helpful advice about the best steps to follow.

Good luck and I hope you get a good solution to this.

That sounds terrible, I'm so sorry your boy's going through this.

My DD's English and in 2nd grade of swiss school near Zurich, I asked her if she'd heard of such bullying going on at her school, she said she'd never heard of anything so awful, the teachers are very strict about any hitting/fighting/name calling: kids get kept back after school and sent home with lines to do that have to be signed off by their parents.

To me it seems the teacher/school are letting down your son, it's not just cultural differences and not your fault for moving him here.

The Yahoo Swiss-Schooling group might also be a good place to ask for advice too.

Good luck and have a nice holiday.

I'm sorry that your ds is going through this.

My dd is mainly sidelined.

One of my friends moved to go to a different school and it worked out for her son and her.

Could you call a direct democracy meeting? Try asking.

Best wishes a

Ignoring the kindergarten, it's the two schools that worry me. Has he moved due to bullying before and were the previous schools in the same area?
If so, I am wondering whether classmates from previous schools have spread the word about him?
Poor little boy.