Regretting turning down a move to Oz

[lme30005]

Hi
Hoping some of you lovely ladies can give me some clarity on my worries and whether I've done the right thing or not
DH got offered a great job in Sydney on more money for someone he likes working for. It all came a bit out of the blue so I just couldn't make the decision to go. Now I'm wondering if I made the right decision - its possibly not too late to go.
My main worries are:
Kids schooling - will they have to repeat work in schools, get bored etc. Would private schools be a better option to keep them interested so they are not behind going back to UK in a few years?
Spiders! Are there a lot? I think I would freak if a huntsman was in my bed
I've never been to Oz before and I wouldnt know anyone or have anyone to help with my 4 DCs. I don't want to be there feeling lonely and resenting my DS while he's at work. It could put a lot of strain on our marriage.
Everyone I've spoken to thinks I'm mad to have turned it down, now I'm wondering if I've made the wrong decision based on neurotic worries.
Any advice/info on how great Sydney is would be appreciated!
Thanks
Louise

I think you did right. We had same decision for New York when DS was due. In the end we didn't go and no regrets. A move of that magnitude needs both your backing to work and loads of marriages break up because of going without sufficient thought. Of course it works out for some, but quite a gamble. Plus I read an article recently that loads of folk are flocking back to UK now after one or two years over there as it doesn't pan out as they imagined and they feel isolated once the shiny newness of the adventure wears off they miss friends and family and realise what really matters to them. If you aren't both 100% behind it then it would put a huge strain on you and your relationship. I have been over to Perth and there isn't much going on in the suburbs, it all revolves around family, which is nice but can be isolating. Granted Sydney is a vibrant city, but how much of that would you be able to enjoy with four kids in tow and no childcare on hand to free you up. Don't look back, just look at what you have got now and enjoy it or you will spoil the choice that you made. Incidentally we were offered the same NY post twice in two years so it isn't impossible that other opportunities could come your way again, perhaps when the time is better for you. I think people who comment just look at the surface of their lives and see it as a fun thing to do and makes them look quite carefree etc if they say the usual you are mad business, but I really do wonder if they would if it came down to it.

Id say if you dont want to go.. dont go..
I dont see why kids would repeat lots of stuff? Schooling here is different but not backwards! Particularly in NSW. So Im not sure why.. If they are very advanced they would be moved up a year. In NSW on a temp visa I think you pay for schools?
Spiders.. not like they crawl up every wall? and there are spiders in blighty too. Huntsman spider.. yes big.. can be done away with with fly spray or a shoe..not going to eat you.
Friends.. like any move it is about effort.. fake it till you make it.
I know plenty of mners do a temporary move.. many times in some cases..not sure its easy tho as you have to make make friends quickly and move on again.. as an army child we did this often and i'm not keen on doing this for my kids.
I still think tho its something you would have to want to do.

Bigpigeon - you are right that the people saying I'm mad for not going, probably wouldn't do it themselves if it came to it. My DH is one of those people that thinks of things on the surface and none of the detail. I can see all the potential problems and my life there will be the same day to day stuff but harder, without any help. I wouldn't want to put that strain on our marriage.
Saying that I still have a nagging doubt that I have turned something good down. It's very hard when the weather is so cold and miserable and I'm sick of doing the school run!
Thanks for putting a positive spin to staying in the UK

Chloeb2002 - I think it would only be temporary as I can't really imagine living anywhere else long term. Saying that, I could really love it and not want to come back. One of my concerns is moving schools too much as I don't think it's fair on them, even if they did adapt quickly. Schools being behind is only what I've read elsewhere but probably not as much in Sydney

look, it's ok to say 'i'm a bit of a homebody and don't like change'. no-one will shoot you.

i did lol a bit at the schooling thing. i have 3 dc (the eldest is y7 in her 6th school) and would have no qualms at all at jumping ship and trying oz either. (we are currently in canada) not everyone has the temperament for globetrotting! (the dcs are fine. one was born in germany, one was born in canada when we lived here before - ten years ago, and one was born in scotland. they embrace wherever they are. they are all listed g&t wherever we fetch up.). here we have bears and cougars rather than spiders, but i get it. dd1 was 11mos when we left the uk the first time.

if your instant reaction is one of fear and worry, rather than excitement and adventure, then you made the right decision. usually i tell people to give it a go if they can;t make their minds up, (you'll never know until you try it etc) but your op makes me think that might not be wise. all those dreadfully ill-educated australians and wild animals. i suspect you would feel the same about moving to the other end of the uk though...

a bit of regret and 'what if' is healthy. you wouldn't want to find out you were wrong or try something new by stepping out of your comfort zone... i mean a pay rise is a terrible thing...

join britishexpats and ask lots of questions about where specifically the job offer is. and visit. oh, just noticed it's sydney. i love sydney.

there are sharks, too, y'know. but fish and chips in manly makes it all worthwhile. just don't bother with bondi.

I'm not a complete homebody! We have moved around the UK a lot and it's nice to feel settled somewhere for once. We did consider applying to live in Canada as we visited and loved it but never quite got round to it, and we are waiting (a very long time) for sponsorship via my DHs parents to USA.
We have both always wanted to live abroad and a couple of years ago I would have jumped at the opportunity but things have changed recently and I think I'm just too settled and past wanting an adventure (unless US comes up but kids will have left home by then!)

ach. so you say....

cold feet when you got the chance, though. talk and action are completely different.

what's changed recently?

Well, we've just done it with 2 DCs and it is a lot of upheaval. Like you, I wasn't biting anyone's hand off to come here, primarily because I was really close to my family at home (and so had loads of help with the DCs) and was about to go to university, which I can't do here on my temp visa and without family to help out with childcare.
But I am glad that we came. Not many people get the chance to come here all expenses paid, and I can see why so many people love it here. It is an amazing place and I think it has shaken us both out of a rut we'd gotten into at home. The kids love it too and the people are friendly. The schools are comparable to the UK in my opinion, yes they start later but kindy is like year 1 at home. DD left year 1 and went back into kindy for a month and the transition has been fine. On our 457 temporary visa we pay $4500 per year for each child to go to public school, so $9000 when DS starts next year. It's free to permanent residents and if you live outside of NSW and ACT.
DH got a good pay rise when he moved here, but our standard of living is much the same because the cost of living here is much higher than it is in the UK. Our rent is astronomical, we could probably live much more cheaply if we were further out of Sydney, but while we're getting settled we wanted to be close to work and the couple of people we do know here. Food is about twice as expensive for us now. The money really has to be right, and there's no way you can make a decision without knowing how much DH will be paid. There's no point coming here and having to penny pinch the whole time. Also trips home will be expensive with 6 of you. We're putting $500 a month into our flights fund!
We've only been here a few months so we're still in the settling in phase, I'm homesick sometimes but much less than I was at the start. We definitely plan to go back to the UK in a few years, so we're just trying to enjoy Australia while we can and will hopefully come home much better for it.

Oh and I was really worried about spiders before we came and I feel really daft now. I saw more spiders in the UK!

Thanks SeymoreButts, that's really good to hear it's working out for you. The salary is very good but I have pointed out to DH that living costs will be a lot more. Is your DS pre-school age? I'm having trouble finding pre-schools that aren't all day ie 8-6 and cost over $100 per day! My DS (3.5) currently attends pre-school 3 hours a day free so it could be a major cost to factor in. We would be looking to live in Lower North Shore/Northern Beaches areas I think.
How long roughly did it take you to get all the major stuff done once you'd arrived eg find a house, buy cars, get them into schools?
I think if I was more certain about schools/houses I might be tempted to take the plunge, because like you, I feel like we're in a bit of a rut and bored. Trying to decide whether Oz or the Uk could offer us something different.

We live in the lower north shore - ds goes to preschool 3 days a week from 9 to 3 and it costs us $45 per day. When we moved out here it took about 2 months to get everything sorted (2 weeks for finding a house, then we were slower on the rest - could have been done much faster!). Moving out here was totally out of my comfort zone, but I have no regrets, and whilst I am looking forward to returning to the uk in 8 weeks time, I will really really miss Sydney (we were out here on a 2 year secondment)

We're in the Eastern Suburbs, you can get really lovely houses on the Northern Beaches/North Shore for less than we pay here, I actually prefer the Northern Beaches but DH didn't want to get the ferry to work!

I am looking at long day care (i.e. 8 until 6) because I'm thinking about going back to work. Eralc is yours $45 without the childcare rebate? lme3005 We're on the 457 visa so we don't get the 50% rebate that other people do. A $100 a day place costs most people $50 with the rebate!

About 2 months to get everything sorted is about right (shipping takes about 8 weeks). We found a house quite quickly. You have to religiously check domain.com.au and then turn up at the inspection time with your application form filled and your references ready if you think you are going to offer on the place. Our house had 8 bidders (rental BTW), DH kept pestering them and had all the documents ready so luckily enough we got it. The school was the fastest bit. I decided on a school on Monday and DD started on Friday, we were still living in a hotel outside of the catchment area at the time but they were happy enough with a letter from the agent saying we will be moving into the area. The DoE processed her application in less than one day. Make sure you get your DC's immunisation details from the GP before you go because the school will check it.

Yes - that's without the rebate because we are on the 457. If its a preschool then even residents don't get the childcare rebate - you only get it at long day care (much to my Aussie friends annoyance). We have to travel a bit to get to preschool though - the ones closest to us are all long day care and too expensive.

Hi,
If you are settled (and the children) and have good family and friends around, then be at peace that you have made the right decision. It is a huge move, maybe if you need a change of scenery you can change something closer to you (i.e. holiday, change of routine etc) and appreciate what you have.
I am English, but moved to my partners country, and now to Sydney. I love Sydney, but I think that is mainly because I was so happy to leave where I was before and culturally it was much more similar to England, but with 3 little children I have the need to be 'settled', and as I get older I am more and more concerned I may never find it, if you are happy with daily life then I would stay put. I seem to get through the stages of emigration, but never end up feeling at 'home', I think that even if we came to England I'm not sure I would now as I have been away so long and picked up little things from Sydney and Norway.
Once you have children the main importance seems to be daily life and if you have it sorted it will take time to get sorted in another country. Of course if you wanted to you, I'd say go for it, but if your hearts not in it, thats ok.
If you do come out here, schools not a worry (at least primary), schools are of a high standard (an aussie friend recently moved back to Sydney from London and her child, who was top of the class in the UK, was put straight back into the reading recovery program here), High school is different, here in the eastern suburbs all the primary schools in my area (and if you're in area you automatically get a place) but no one is sending to public high schools, and all have been on the list for private high schools since age 2, and they are all single sex. I've put my head in the sand with that one, presuming we won't still be here.
Daycare can be tricky, 2 yr lists where I am, about $100 for long daycare (rebate is up to a certain amount, so doesn't work out to be 50%, or $54 for preschool where we are (no one gets rebate) and school hours and term times.
We just got PR, so now entitled to child care rebate, but loose LAFHA so actually worse off (just when I though it would get easier!) - its super expensive here ...
I sometimes wish I had just stayed home (10yrs ago) and now would be happily settled with good friends, secure job, feeling at home, but there will always be a parallel life and 'what if's' its for you to decide what works best for you.
Good luck :)

Personally I don't understand people who DON'T go for it. Life is very, very short.

IMHO, and I know this is going to go down like a lead balloon on here, but the UK education system is very, very overrated. It is pretty average on an international scale, and you're not going to harm your child in any way, trying something new.

Interesting points about the childcare rebate and secondary schools. In theory we will be back in the UK by the time DD reaches senior school age but I should really look into it just in case.

Good luck with your decision lme30005, I think the "life is short" mentality is what pushed us to do it in the end!

Re high school, I need to look into it too, I think I need to talk to people out of the eastern suburbs though, I can't help feeling public high school can't be that bad here!
Its just strange that everyone I know in the area is at public school, yet everyone is planning to go private for high school. The mentality is different though, I was talking to a nurse colleague, and she wants her daughter to go to private school because of the contacts she will make and for future husband material, I think that might be the general thinking around these parts.

Northern beaches is lovely and normal families send their children to the state run high schools.
Standards in oz schools is not lower (have taught in both), so don't stress about that.
Spiders yes exist but rarely a bother when you do see them.
It would be a lifestyle / adventure choice and could be treated as such, not a forever move.

Eastern suburbs, V V Posh

spiders, snakes, sharks, crocs, skin cancer, dust storms, floods, forest fires.....

.....but I have an ozzie friend who is here on her hubs 5 year working visa with her family. She never stops going on about how much better things are over there...in every way...but especially the schools. So tempted to tell her to FO back over there, and stop taking up space and resource in our schools if they are so crap.

Thanks all of you for your help and advice. It's good to hear that schools in Oz are as good as here and it won't hurt them to switch for a few years.
I am feeling more keen to go so maybe it's worth seeing if we still can. I'm swaying towards the 'life's too short' mentality aswell at the moment and trying to ignore all the trivial little worries.
However if we don't go, I won't be upset either as my life here is fine and I can start planning for the future without wondering where we'll be in 6 months time!
Hopefully I won't regret whichever decision we make. Doesn't help when its absolutely freezing here at the moment!

Good luck