panicking about moving to NYC

[NYCorLondon]

I don't know if we're making the right decision, starting to freak out a bit now it's become real....this could be the mistake of a lifetime and I'm going to majorly screw my little one if we move

Yep, UNIS has a k-8 branch in Queens whch we're considering. Because my lo has a December birthday, I thought of putting her in K in the zoned public school until June so she could maybe make some local friends and telling her to treat it like a fun experience. Then we need to think about the summer....DH might be home but they'll need something to make friends.

More than anything, though, I am starting to think I might be making a huge mistake.

Your just panicked, it's normal. It will be a fantastic experience for your family.

I concur with the Manhattan flat. I'd stay close to UN, if your stay extends, you can always look to moving out.

Good luck, i'm very , in a good way.

Don't be. I'm actually considering pulling out. DH is also saying fuck it, let's stay now. I think neither of us were 100% about this move but now that I'm being messed about and no consideration given to my needs (despite the fact that THEIR recruitment took nearly a year - they first contacted me about this job in January and was completely unpredictable in terms of timing!), it's kind of pushing us to stay. We've lived overseas, admittedly not New York, but things are good here for us so we want to be sure we're going to something better. We've had the overseas experience, it's nice to be settled as well.

Ugh, we'd decided on going as well, now we're back to the should we, shouldn't we ditherings.

Oh dear! Can you just leave the "big thinking" until after Xmas at least. Try and relax a bit, might give you both some perspective. I wish you good luck, i'm sure you'll make the right decision for your family.

It'd be easier if one of us were totally gung-ho but we've struggled with this one for a while, decided that on balance we should go but neither of us have been completely committed.

I know I'm lucky because both options (London or NYC) are good, we're not moving because we're miserable here or because things are bad. But it also means we have a lot to lose if it doesn't work out.

I suppose NY therein lies the crux, it's easy to get up and go, if you know you can came back to what you now have in-situ. Do you think you'd get yout job back/school places/home in same part of London?. Or is it way more complicated than that?

What are you and DH extended families thoughts on the move.

Would it be a forever,forever move?

It's a permanent position so there's no 'end date' - although as we'll be on non-immigrant visas, we'll never be able to stay on in the US doing something else unless we change visas.

I've got to resign from my job and no guarantees of anything if/when we come back. DH has also got to give up his work and hope to get work there (he does adult ed and is doing very well in it here).

House is less of an issue, we can always rent it out rather than sell.

Schools are harder but I think we'll be OK if we move back.

Dh's family isn't here but they're understandably a bit concerned about how much risk he's taking with giving everything up to follow me.

My family are supportive and just sort of reiterate what I already know - good opportunity, but are you sure it's the right thing?

It's kind of come at the worst time, with regards to the job-market in the UK, hasn't it?.The outlook is quite bleak.

But you know NY my father always used to say, whatever the economic situation, there will always be work for well educated, committed professionals.

It's a hard one. Wish i has a crystal ball for you.

Had, even.

Thanks Pathan! I know I'm relatively employable because I have quite a skill set and experience that's fairly in demand but not necessarily in London (as you can probably guess, my work has an international focus) so I'm not worried we won't have options. DH is taking more risks than me, bless him.

In a way, I wish my current employer wasn't being so blooming nice about it all and trying to help me so much. And then one of the senior management took me aside and told me she'd like me to lead on a new initiative and will give me a new bells and whistles post if I decide to stay.

I need that crystal ball!

Oh no NY the plot thickens!

Yes it's your DH i was thinking of too, would he want to teach over there or a complete change?

It sounds like your present employer really doesn't want you to go, does it?

Arrgh!! Even i don't know what to do now, and i'm not even going!

Well, a little while back we sat down and we did this career mapping exercise together that I'd done on some course.

DH would love to be an academic but needs to get a PhD. He's already doing one but very very very slowly because he's doing so well with the teaching that he's got no time (very very proud of him - we came to England just when the recession began and he kind of fell into teaching but has created a great name and reputation for himself). So in the US, i'd be earning enough for him to take that time and get on track with what he'd really like to be doing. That's the gameplan at the moment - he'll probably try and do some teaching there as well but we won't need the money the way we do here.

A 'nursery mummy' friend of mine is moving to Zambia after Christmas with her 2 dc, she is in a completely different situation than you, she's divorced, works herself ragged. Her lifestyle will be so much better there, re:family-worktime. She is also very nervous but thinks it really will be a change for the better. She will put her children into a French International School ( 4 and 2.5) which i thought was great.

I think she's awfully brave, but like you she's a very switched on woman, and is in a sought after profession.

Pathan - I have colleagues in Zambia (one's got 3 kids, another 2 and another is single) and they LOVE it there. Spot on about the lifestyle, exactly what they say.

Oh that's it for me then, i had thoughts of your DH struggling to find a niche and cracking up at his 200th visit to The Museum Of Modern Art.

I would go for it, even for your dh to get his PHD, a couple/few years, things will be on the up here (fingers x) and Europe, and you'll both have so much more to offer IYSWIM.

Great for your children, i think i'd jump.

Still not sure about UN though!

Does the bells and whistles job have more pay too? Moving countries whilst exciting is very expensive (that $30k might well be needed) and at times very stressful. I think that you and your dh do need to be at least 90% sure it's the right thing for your family. If you didn't take this job will it mean that you give up that option forever? How would it affect your career trajectory if you go for the new initiative with your current supportive employer (and that support is worth quite a bit IMO)? Do you think that your children will be more confident with a move in a few years time? Will schools be more of an issue in London when your children move to secondary - would that perhaps be the point when the private schooling would really benefit the family?

One thing you could maybe think about is how woudl you feel if the organisation recruiting you turned around and said it had changed it's mind - would you be relieved or gutted?

Very good points Nooka, thank you

No, new job would only set me up for a promotion going forward (and would be good fun) but wouldn't be one so no more money. It could be a good move but I haven't even see terms of reference for it so still pretty unclear.

I'd have pretty much burnt my bridges regarding future employment in this area if I pull out now. It can be quite hard to get into so I'm not likely to get any other offers in the foreseeable future.

The children are happy to move. We've been over to NYC, toured the schools and they both are excited to move. I think it's probably easier to do now rather than later while they're younger and it's easier to make new friends.

I think if the recruiters did turn me down in the end, it would be a mixture of relief and disappointment. Relief that no decision needs to be made but disappointment because this is a good opportunity for me.

I think it sounds like you probably do think you should go to me. I found NYC not that radically different from London, it was the little things that were both fun and could trip you up. Could you ask the recruiters to put you in touch with any other families or ask the UN school what pre-schools their families use? I wouldn't be at all surprised if many of the children didn't go to the same one which would then mean your dd woudln't have to start afresh in September. I found New Yorkers a pretty friendly bunch.

From the point of view of getting to live/work in the States the visa that you will have is by far the best you can get, so as an opportunity it's pretty unusual/exceptional on that front.

See nycmummy, a funny/helpful blog by a British mum who moved to NY, with especially useful article on schools for expats:

www.nycmummy.com

Also articles on restaurants, shopping etc

Hi - I'm an American now in UK, originally from Hoboken (across the Hudson from NYC). 1) I have a friend who lives in Hoboken who teaches at the UN school - she's from UK, let me know if you'd like to connect with her. Her son goes to UN school, they commute there from Hoboken 2) Consider Hoboken as an option. Many expats (large UK contingent) and lots of kids stuff. Schools are so so, but there is currently free pre-K for 3 and 4 year olds (school cut off in NJ is Sept 30 for public schools, though).

Thought I'd throw this out there, if you are interested in more info, let me know.

Thanks all. Quick update. I gave in my notice two days GULP
So this is it. Moving in 3 months - they were bit more reasonable that I'd feared. We've decided I'll go ahead and the rest of the family will join 2 months later so the kids can go straight into summer camps. It'll be a hard 2 months but the UN package is generous enough that I can go home every other week.
I hadn't thought about Hoboken. We were thinking if not on Manhattan then Roosevelt Island or Queens for easy access to midtown east.
YIKES!!!!!

my friend loves in nyc, she has teens though.
it is magical. x

My friend works at the UNIS in NY, she loves it. An amazing school by all accounts.

Thanks MrsJoe! That's so good to know - we're really intersted in UNIS in Queens. I think the Manhattan campus might not work for us as we probably won't live in Manhattan (although the kids can transfer for high school as the Queens campus is only k-8). Does she know anything about the Queens campus?