Interesting G2 Article about why homesick expats don't settle

[roary]

Thought this was very interesting

I think there is something to be said for the fact that some people are 'natural' expats, who relocate easily, and this does have to do with the community you leave behind. My Aussie DH and I represent both sides of this coin (he got terribly homesick in the UK for all the reverse reasons). I have lived away from the place of my birth since I was 18 and roll with the punches. Anyway, an interesting read!

I think it is quite hard to generalise about what people miss when they move away from their place of origin; we are all so different. There are many things lacking in French culture that I find in English culture, but I don't physically need to be in England all the time to access them. However, I find the things I miss in French culture are much more material and I begin to miss them quite badly when I am away from them for too long.

marking my place to put my tuppunce worth in later.

I do think that some people are more suited to being expats than others.

I also wonder whether with somewhere like Australia people expect it to be an easy transition and maybe don't prepare themselves for any kind of culture shock whereas if they were going somewhere more obviously 'different' they might think about it in a different way.

thanks I think that's a very good observation. Some (not all) Brits move to Australia thinking it's "just like England but with nicer beaches and better weather", and of course, no language barrier. When they get there they find that there are huge cultural differences, and, of course, very few will be living the Aussie dream in a beachfront house in Manly. Reality bites hard.

Thanks Roary I really enjoyed that :) I've always felt that it's about the reason why you go, and emigrating (well probably moving at all) to escape or for the dream are risky. You need a strong pull to the country where you are going, but it needs to be grounded in realism.

My sister moved to Australia and is very homesick, we moved to Canada and don't really want to go home. She moved because her dh was desperate to go home after 10 years, and I think the problem is that she hasn't really gained anything to offset the loss of an environment she was very happy in and a group of very close friends. We moved partly to follow dh's dream, but mostly to rebuild our relationship in a new environment and because I thought that it could be interesting and was ready for a change. It's been very challenging at times, and I'm not sure I'd recommend emigrating to anyone, but we live in a truly beautiful part of the world and have a totally different life.

If we'd have stayed in NYC I think I would have felt quite differently, and I wouldn't be surprised if we would have headed home by now. We lived in London before and moving from one city to another was an odd mixture of not different enough and the differences standing out too much (almost but not quite like a cup of tea I suppose).

thanksamillion - that observation is spot on - we did the reverse - dh had lived in UK as a kid and as everyone in Oz always remarked on his accent, he never stopped thinking of himself as British. BIIIIG shock when we moved there and found it a very alien culture indeed. And what TheBrideofFrankenstien says was true, too.

I've lived overseas now for 17 years - I first went away at 20. I find it pretty easy to spot those who'll settle and those who won't.

Generally (and I will generalise here), the women who turn up without any sense of self (i.e., no hobbies) quickly wilt.

Otoh, one has surprised me, a friend went to Saudi 12 years ago straight after university and is still there. I thought she'd last a year tops.

I am also marking my place. I will watch the comments with interest. We live in Asia and I love it; DH puts up with it.

I think a lot of it has to do with expectations. If you expect to be living a champagne lifestyle as an expat (and the days of country club membership, maids and chauffeurs are pretty much long gone), you'll probably be disappointed.

On the other hand, if you expect it will be a tough slog with lots of homesickness, it probably will be.

I have a lot of friends who have moved abroad but still call the UK "home", visit the UK for 9 weeks in the summer and 4 at Easter, still buy furnishings here that "will look nice at home" (i.e. the UK where their house and car is waiting for them) and whose kids still call the UK home, talk about their house and toys that they've left at home and how much they miss them. Imho they won't settle.

I think that if you go abroad with an open mind, determined to make the best of the situation and accept your new home, warts and all, you will settle. I know a psychologist specializing in expat issues who tells me that the parents who are positive about a move are the ones whose kids settle the best.

I've moved lots and left my country aged 21, still abroad 17 years later, lived in the weirdest and most wonderful countries, some 3rd world, some 1st world, but looked on each as an adventure and loved every minute.

I have a lot of friends who have moved abroad but still call the UK "home", visit the UK for 9 weeks in the summer and 4 at Easter, still buy furnishings here that "will look nice at home".....

Yeah- that was me when we lived in Dubai. I was definitely still clinging to my old life- prob went home 3 or 4 times in that year. I didn't settle, but I think it's a bit chicken and egg, in that you don't feel settled, so you want to keep going back, but that makes it harder to settle. I think a lot of expats do this the first year, and then gradually the trips home get fewer.

Once I moved to HK I immediately felt happier, made friends much more easily, found a way to pick up my interests that I hadn't been able to do in Dubai, and went home less, although I do still do the summer pilgrimage

There is a difference, as I think has been identified, between emigrating and living as an ex-pat.

In the last 26 years I have lived in 7 (very) different countries. I did try to settle in the UK for a while, but just could not get the hang of it. Strangely I feel more at home when I am living in a country as a foreigner.

Heaven knows how my DD's will turn out in terms of their identity, so far things seem o.k. I do realise I am imposing my own life choices upon them. But then we all do, don't we.

Dammit, that article made me well up!

I do miss home (the UK) more than I had ever dreamed. We moved around the Uk plenty, never staying anywhere more than a couple of years and I thought it would be easy to move to Australia. In fact, I was looking forward to it.

We should be living the dream - we have a pool for fucks sake.

But I would swap it for a good November drizzle, or the bite your nose of cold of December. Am horribly, terribly, achingly homesick.

off

It's surprisingly tricky to type thorough tears.

Definitely agree about reasons and expectations being key to settling in.

We moved to Oz in our 50s so obviously differ from the usual. We didn't leave the UK because we didn't like, we absolutely did, but didn't want to pass up chance to do something different. Actually, the same thing in another country.

Some observations:

• Always asked by Australians did we move because of the weather. No... we have weather in the UK, we lived in London, and we like it. On the other hand we would miss the weather if we moved back. Which we do not intend doing.

• We were in a position to do the living-near-the-sea bit, indeed, we couldn't see why you would ever move from London to NOT live by the sea if you had the opportunity.

• We both have decent jobs.

• We knew there would be those moments when you you go Whoah, how Australian is that when you come up against a cultural difference.