Sister abroad - perspective needed

[PeanutButterOnly]

Hi all - I'm not abroad but my sister is. She's been in Oz for a while now and is just pg with DC1. I'm delighted for her and her DH but my happiness is clouded by missing her and knowing that I won't see her DC very often and can't be a 'proper' Auntie. She's my only sibling. I have 3 small DC of my own and it's hard to travel. I feel like I should snap out of it, but I feel sad! Can anyone offer any perspective on this - I need to get a grip as it's a happy situation really!!

Make Skype a friend - it really works well and you have the added bonus of visual and audio!

Having family abroad is really hard, but there are lots of ways of getting around the distance - but again, it also has to be from both sides ..

Get a grip. I was abroad when DD was born. My Sister saw her once a year for eight years.
Both are still alive and happy. I was the one who wasn't supposed to/going to breed, she has eight.

Can totally sympathise! 3 ds overseas with lots of children. Just be the best aunty you can be

Sympathy here. I recently saw a friend who was pregnant and the thought that I would not see her baby when she is born, hit me like a tidal wave and the only word I could find to describe my feelings, though not out loud, was bereft.

It's hard when you are not the one who has chosen to move away but has to deal with the fallout. Also remember that your sister will be feeling it too. Send thoughtful presents ahead of time, skype and whasapp (free international texts and MMS) and write to remind your sister and her baby that you all love her.

agree with misty - when my only sis went abroad with her young toddlers I felt it was like a loss, part of my life ended. I was her birthing partner for both children, I spent a huge amount of my spare time with her as her DH was away working when her children were little. She then moved away, then I had my own family. Both her children are grownup now. But it's her I miss the most. I hate her husband too for the things he has done, but I can not bring myself to tell her as it would change her life completely and makes it so much harder as she is further away.

Yes you can email, FB Skype, but it is not the same. I see my friends spend time with their sisters who live around the corner and every time it makes me feel like it was only yesterday she went, and the sadness is still there. Just make allowances and be realistic that things will change, but be as positive as you can, because that's all you can be.

I still prefer to write her letters & receive them as I love to see her handwriting. Odd! [hconfused]

I know what you mean OP. I can deal with missing weddings, birthdays, Christmas, etc, but the hard thing is babies, especially first ones when people you know and love make the transition to motherhood. When I get those FB updates/emails to let everyone know about the new arrival, it's the only time I feel a pang of homesickness.

Thanks for your thoughtful replies, they really helped. I think writing is a good idea. I haven't written for ages. You get out of the habit with emails, google chat, skype etc. We'll make the best of it. I feel frustrated that I can't go there myself - part of me thinks it must be easy, just book the tickets and go but the practicalities with 3 DCs make it impossible at the moment. I know some people do the journey with children and it's no problem, but my particular DCs wouldn't cope!!

Peanut Dont feel inadequate about not wanting to do a 24hr flight with 3 small DCs. There seems to be this competitive thing on MN to see who can be the most relaxed about travelling long haul with multiple toddlers. I am not one of them.

Nightmare , nightmare, nightmare, and I only have 1 child and a 12 hr flight. I am already praying to the spare seat God in advance of my trip home for Christmas. We're flying on 23rd December. I think the phrase is "Norfolk & Chance"

I suspect many of the most relaxed have a zillion air miles and so are in first with one seat each (not trying to sleep in economy with a toddler sprawled on them) OR just have those children who sit there and quietly watch TV.

I moved to NZ from UK and have one sister back in the UK. I have to DCs aged 2 and 4 and she has two DCs aged 6 and 8.

We speak every now and again on skype (we didn't speak that much in England TBH), but I do ask her to send me up to date pics of her and the kids to show my DCs and keep their cousins in their consciousness IYSWIM.

Perhaps when her DC is born you could send a little album introducing your side of the family to him/her? My DCs love looking at printed photos.

I understand how you feel, but the other way round. I feel like I am missing out on all the UK stuff. My DSis is going to our parents for Christmas and I am sooooooooo jealous!

I'll keep my fingers crossed Brideof for that extra seat! My DCs can't do a 2 hour car journey peacefully. I suppose if travelling long haul is part of your lives from early on then you and the DCs just get on with it. That's a good idea Rillyrilly about the album. It's nice that my sister and her DH are now in the consciousness of my littlest one who is 2, following their visit in Aug/Sept. If Skype comes on he says their names even before we call them. They spent a lot of time and took alot of trouble with my DCs that visit and it's paid off in terms of their relationship with them. My sister was just about to have IVF so it's lovely that she is pg just at the last minute

i really hope this doesn't sound trite cos i don't mean it to, but you can keep up the relationship if you want to, it'll just be a bit different

it'll be different but still really really worthwhile.

Funnily enough I have a better relationship with my sister now I'm living in Oz than I had when I was in the UK (she's in Ireland). Even though technically it was closer, we never made the effort to see each other except when we both happened to be on holiday in France! We really don't know each others' kids (we both have three) which is a bit sad, I visited a few months ago and it was really nice to meet them all again after a long time. She has never seen my daughter who is now 8. BUT, we talk, text and e-mail really regularly now. I don't know if that is because we are getting older and a bit more aware that nothing lasts forever, or the fact that we are so far away means we know we have to make more of an effort. It's nice though.