Sommer, Strand und Sonne - life in Germany and Austria

[LinzerTorte]

A thread for all those living in Germany or Austria, and for anyone else who would like to chat.

Cinders you sound like you need a friendly ear. Is there anyone else you can talk to (in English) near you? If you need an online German teacher, I can help you maybe (9 hours time difference though). Fwiw I find dd really hard work at the moment too and I'm ashamed to say that after one of her major tantrums when she was flailing her legs around and trying to hit me that I snapped and hit her back after she launched herself at me. I know what you mean about too much MNing, why not stick to just a couple of threads where you know you can get support if you need it and just look twice a day? I hate to think of you suffering on your own.

Oh Cinders, if we were just a bit closer I could have had your DS for the afternoon. It might have stopped the DC trying to kill each other for a change! I don't think you should feel guilty about not doing enough with your DS as school really seems to take it out of them and I think it's good for them to just relax in the afternoon rather than being chauffeured to various activities. It's difficult when they're an only (or as good as) though, as they're more or less reliant on you for company and having friends around can be hard work. I am a great fan of benign neglect, but am having trouble getting the DC to entertain themselves without TV atm (and I think you said your DS watches very little, so you're doing better than I am). You can always phone me if you need anyone to chat to.

admylin How did the hockey club go?

silken If it's any consolation, DD2 - who could by no stretch of the imagination be described as "ruhig" at home - didn't speak to her KiGa teachers for most of the first year. The H&M catalogue is great, isn't it? Saw quite a few things that I fancied for myself in it but hardly any of them were in the store we went to back in the UK.

Later The acupuncture sounds interesting! The contradictory opinions about due dates must be confusing, but it's not too much longer until you find out who's right.

Jenny I always think your life in the USA sounds fab and am ever so slightly , although I know how you feel about being homesick - I think the distance from friends and family back in Europe was the one thing that put me off living there permanently, esp. as neither of our families are great travellers.

Well, I survived parents' evening - it only lasted 45 minutes so wasn't too bad, and I got a round of applause when I said that I would carry on teaching English this year so I've forgiven them for not giving me anything on the last day of term. One father kept going on and on about the trips, though -what would the children get out of them? why are they going? etc. - I felt quite sorry for the teacher. Looks like we'll have to fork out about ?160 for DD1 this year (trips, magazines, photocopying, etc.); hopefully it will be a bit less for DD2 - especially as she's announced that she wants to do both yoga and English after school. It would be really convenient as they're both in the 5. Stunde so she would finish at the same time as DD1, but I was a bit by the prices.

Glad parents' evening went well Linzer.

I just wanted to add that I am really fed up with myself for my reaction to dd's behaviour. It is not how I want to parent at all and in lots of ways I want to go back to the drawing board and start again. I guess I have felt really homesick because I think some of the tension could have been lifted by putting everyone in the car and driving to my Mum and Dad's for the afternoon and that is what I miss here. Our life is fantastic here with lots of opportunities for recreational activities but family and friends are everything really.

I really hope you don't all think of me as a nasty Mum who hits her dcs as a matter of course, because I really don't, but I am trying very hard to be better all the time.

P.S. Any tips for dealing with a dd who is so headstrong in her thinking and who gets herself over excited very easily will be gratefully received.

jenny - how old is your dd again? don`t be too harsh on yourself about your parenting. "Nasty mums" don't think twice about hitting and don't seek support on mn threads. The parenting thread has some good advice.I keep meaning to look at that thread on this section about bringing up children on own overseas...it is really tough not to have a release valve in the form of someone to help out when times get tough.

linzer - we also had a parents' evening yesterday - ours lasted over two hours though. And also had one parent complaining about the outings...and I felt sorry for the teacher. This story however has a two year history- he has been complaining to the director about it. The school director had to ask him to leave her office once as he was shouting at her. Then, when the director supported the teacher's work, he has sent numerous letters to the Schulrat about it - apparently the last one was a 20 page report. Anyway, all other parents said they agreed with the amount and type of outings leaving this parent unsupported. The man's wife had come along too...and she pulled the "I am also a school teacher with many years experience and have three children...." card, which I thought was a bit OTT.

cinders - hope you feel better soon. Making a plan sounds like a good thing. how long have you been here? German is a nasty nasty language...are you a perfectionist or a I don't give a damm as long as I get understood type of person? I am the latter: I first speak, then think, then realise I have made some silly mistakes and cringe!

silken - what you describes sounds all very normal to me. My DC have gone through such stages...and then I thought they were settled, and along came another clingy stage for a few days..,looks like you are getting some realistic information on how she is doing. Job is going fine, thanks. When I am there that is!

Jenny I really sympathise and would never judge your parenting as I've been in the same situation. Your DD sounds very similar to DD2 and I've found the only way of dealing with her is to ignore her and not engage - not always practical though and even when it is, it's easier said than done. I think I might have to start sending her to her room to calm down, but that only works when we're at home, of course.

Stuck at home with DD2's stomach bug today, but I'm so relieved I didn't catch it until after our weekend in England.

platanos wow that was a long parents' evening. What were they objecting to - the cost or the actual Ausflug? Here they can't object about the cost as even families who aren't on benefits but have low income can get financial help for trips. I don't really like the idea of the outward bound trip in year 9 but it's verbindlich so they have to go. That'll be a week of worry for me until ds gets back safely anyway!

jenny as you say it's always best to get out and away from the house to chang ethe mood sometimes. I always envied my sister as whenever a big fight started with her dds they could escape next door to grandparents house, get some sympathy and then go home in a better mood. We're all stuck with each other living the expat life as we all do!
What brought your dd's tantrum on the other day? Don't worry about the slap - I'm sure we've all done it, in some situations you really have to show when the tantrum goes too far. Naughty steps and sending to their room doesn't always work.

linzer where did you get the H6M catalogue? Can you get it sent do you think? Your parents' evening sounded quite civilized! Nice to get some recognition too for the teaching.

cinders hope you're feeling better today, when do you get dh back? I always se ethe positive side, when dh is away atleast he won't wake me with snoring right into my ear at 3am...

later acupuncture is great isn't it? Funny about the midwife saying not to take the doctor seriuosly! I remember my midwife was sort of against anything the doctors said, all into special teas and natural remedies!

silken goodthat you got to speak to the erzieherin. Sounds normal behaviour really, your dd is very young and when I think back to that age dc cry more than say a 5 year old would. Is she in a mixed age group too? I think that can be easier for the erzieher to cope with but hard on some of the smaller dc.

Hockey was great, dd loved it and everyone was really nice even though it was abit late (got back home at 8:30pm). This afternoon she has her first therapy session to try and help her speak more outside, then we'll have to go and buy some shin pads and a sports jacket as they played outside in the rain and she got soaked in her normal sweatshirt. There go the ??? again!

Wow this thread moves fast sometimes!!

linzer - hope the poorly dc gets better soon. How funny about your dd wanting to do English as extra. Wonder if its because its easy? But not fun for you if you have to pay extra for it.

platanos - hope your dc get better soon too. How's the job getting on? I agree about german being a nasty language to learn!! But i'm also in the speak first then correct after. Thankfully everyone is very patient with me.

jenny - no judging from me either. My ds's are very headstrong and my only parenting tip is to be consistent with consequences. With Ds2 (5), I count to 3 a lot - so say he's playing and he needs to get dressed then I'd say "you need to start getting dressed before I count to 3 or the toy goes away the rest of the morning. 1 get dressed, 2 get dressed, 3 get dressed". And if he doesnt do it he knows I'll take the toy away. And I read somewhere that repeating the instruction gets them to listen better. I'm by know means an expert - one day last week I'd had the worst day with them for a long time and I'm annoyed that mine also watch too much tv but i think most days are getting better. Hope today is better for you all.

later - glad you enjoyed the acupuncture. Can I be a negative voice tho - the doctors can only guess when the baby will come so as hard as it is, try not to get it in your head that it'll come early. It might be easier to have a date after your due date then anything earlier will be a lovely surprise. I'm only speaking from my experience - dc1's head was engaged from 37 weeks and she came 13 days late. I was beyond disappointed by the time I got to my due date that she still hadnt come. But then a friend's baby at the same time came 2 weeks early. Its all just guesswork.

Off to get some shopping - glad the holidays are nearly over - these kids are eating me out of house and home.

Oh and the bus driver has been sacked - dont feel bad tho after what he did. Have volunteered to drive it sometimes myself and earn a few euros.

Wow, this thread is busy at the moment.

jenny - please don´t feel bad. When ds gets himself into a real state we´ve found the only thing that works is to ignore him. The more we tried to reason with him while he was upset, the worse he got. Obviously this only really works at home and when we´re not in a hurry to get out of the house.

Linzer hope you´re feeling better soon.

Cinders - sorry you´re feeling so down. Other positives are that the Germans(and hopefully the Austrians?) do Christmas really well. I like the fact that the shops aren´t full of Christmas things at the end of August, but that when things do get going there´s lovely Christmas markets, Plätzchen, Stollen etc. When I get down, I find planning the next holiday helps. Even if it´s only a weekend away it gives me something to look forward to and a change of scenery usually works wonders.

jenny I don´t envy you being so far from home. I have a good friend in Australia and I know that being so far from family and friends is what she finds hardest, although on the whole she loves it there.

Later I remember the impatience at the end of my pregnancies. On the one hand I wanted the baby out, but with dd (my first) was also slightly terrified about finally being a parent.

admylin - glad your dd enjoyed the hockey. I must admit I hated it at school - all that running up and down in the freezing cold and never getting the ball, it wasn´t my idea of fun.

Sorry if I´ve missed anyone out.

I know the feeling canella - I go shopping, drag heavy bags and loads of bottles up 2 flights of stairs and a couple of days later there's nothing left! Also have to go shopping again today, hopefully while dd is in her therapy session.

I need a good imagination and a little fantasy for lunch though, going to go and stand in front of the open cupboards now and see what miracle I can perform!

hupa, speaking of Christmas - we've got the first round of Christmas stuff in the shops. I was abit surprised. Dc love those speculatius biccies!

Canella - that´s good that´s the driver´s been sacked. Do you have to do some sort of test to be able to drive the bus? Hopefully it´s a minibus and not a full size bus.

admylin I assume you get the H&M catalogue by requesting it online. I've never seen a mention of it in their stores.

I'm kicking myself today for taking dd to kiga. She has been coughing a bit for a couple of days and overnight developed a full-blown cold, but as she was playing fine this morning and didn't seem clingy I took her to kiga thinking it was best to get her used to it. As soon as we were there, however, she became clingy and completely broke down when I left. I spied through the window for a bit and the teacher distracted her with a book, but as soon as they were through she started wailing "Mummy" again.

I know it's common for children to have a delayed reaction (as it were) to starting nursery, but I'm annoyed with myself for provoking a negative association by taking her there when she's ill. Also the other mum said something again to me today (it's like she's trying to make a point of it) and that made me less relaxed about leaving dd as well.

Silken, do you have to get her used to kindergarden so young because of work? Sorry can't remember if you said you work or are planning to. Otherwise maybe it's too soon? My dd tried kiga aged 3 but she couldn't cope so I tried again 1 year later and she managed much better.

Sorry, I may have been over-reacting earlier . DD seemed fine when I picked her up. The erzieherin said they had done "Sport" (whatever that is) and she had joined in and enjoyed herself, plus another mum was there at lunch time and said DD was fine then, too.

ad I work a few hours a week in the afternoons, but as a musician I also need to fit in some practice in order to be able to play concerts when they come up. PIL have been looking after dd in the afternoons until now (and will still have her a couple of times a week), but they are both over 70 and I'm concerned about relying too heavily on them.

The other thing is, everyone else here sticks their dc in kiga by the age of 2 and f I keep dd out for another year I will struggle to find age-appropriate activities to go to. In any case, I don't get the impression she hates nursery, I'm just disappointed that she seemed to be settling well last week and now is finding it harder.

Re lunch, I'm trying soya Leberkäse for the first time and wouldn't recommend it!

silken, pleased your dd seemed happy when you picked her up. It's hard to leave them isn't it? Such a cute age too - when I think back how many hugs and cuddles we had and now the big grumpy teenager ds and ongoing moody teenager dd never have time for more than a quick pat on the back!

We like tofu but haven't tried any other soya products really. We're having Spätzle and mushrooms in gravy and honey and mustard roast carrots so a veggie mix of things I found lurking!

Forgot to say, Linzer - hope you aren't suffering too much and feel better soon. Can you get the dc to go to friends' houses so you can rest?

Thanks all. Amazingly, DH has taken the day off work - the first time I can remember him doing so. I still feel sick and dizzy if I try to get up so am really grateful that I've been able to stay in bed and not have to deal with the DC.

Will be back to catch up properly once I'm feeling better.

Aww, hope you feel better soon, Linzer.

Admylin Glad your DD enjoyed the hockey. Hope the therapy goes well too.

Canella Crikey - 13 days late!! If it gets to that point I will be trying to tempt him out by any means necessary :) Another 2 weeks or so would be nice, but I've sort of gone into a zen state of 'he will come when he comes' today. If he is a little late then it gives me a bit more time to get my head around this whole having a baby business too. (And you didn't sound negative at all, rather sensible!)

Silken It's good to hear that your DD was a little better at Kindergarten today. It sounds heartbreaking having to leave them when they are so upset.
Are you a singer or do you play an instrument? I'd love to be musical.
(Btw soya Leberkäse sounds nasty!)

Jenny & Cinders I hope you're both feeling ok today. Do you both have friends/family from back home you can talk to? I know it's not the same but sometimes a friendly and familiar voice can make you feel a little better for a while. Feel free to let it out on here - it sounds like you've had some really good advice from other posters so far.

Hupa I love the Christmas markets too! The big Real has Pfeffernüsse, Lebkuchen etc already, which surprised me. (In spite of my surprise, I still managed to polish off a whole pack of Lebkuchen in the 15 min drive back from the supermarket )

Very productive day today chez Alligator. My (also massively pregnant) friend called to say she would pop round and that spurred me into action - flat cleaned, washing, ironing, vacuuming all done. That's it now for another decade! She turned up with a big bag of nutty Milka bits though so it was worth the cleaning spurt :)

Hi everyone,

Not sure if anyone remembers me but I was also called abroadandmisunderstood for three years while living in Germany. I returned to the UK last October. Hope you are all well! Where's Ernest the Bavarian these days?

Later I hope you can maintain your zen attitude. There is of course a huge difference between two weeks' time and six... I had a planned cs, so was able to choose dd's birthday (and star sign ).

Today was the first time dd got upset at me leaving her at the kiga, previously she's given me a kiss and got on with playing/been swiftly distracted by the erzieherin. As far as I knew she was coping fine last week and on Monday this week, it was only what this other mum (who was there all morning on Tues and most of Wed) said that made me think otherwise. I guess it could well be related to dd getting ill (I'm keeping her home tomorrow), or it's down to the presence of the other mum's dd, who has been very distressed, even with her mum there.

I play the oboe, btw. And for whoever asked, DH is a gastroenterologist with a particular interest in endoscopic ultrasound. He developed a new method of diagnosing pancreatic lesions, so has published several articles about it, plus he contributed several chapters to a medical textbook on EUS which was published in English, hence my translation experience!

Linzer that sounds like a nasty bug you have, Hope you feel a bit better tomorrow.

Thank you all so very much for your understanding and advice. Today was a much better day as it was dd's first day at school and all her fears were allayed.

Her behaviour noticeably gets worse around lunch and dinner (predictably) when she is hungry and I have to prepare food. Sometimes I get her to help which she loves but she just wants jam sandwiches, so not always ideal.

She is also quite physical, in that she will jump on ds1, or squeeze him etc. leading to arguments. Again I am hoping that this is just due to nerves about starting school. With the baby she is also a bit overly physical (imo) but can be really lovely with him and I always praise her when she is. Then she gets over excited so I ask her to calm down and for some reason that ratchets up the atmosphere so I end up having to remove her from the situation, put her on the stairs for example. Asking her to not jump over him or sit on him makes no difference at all so both dh and I end up shouting at her, especially if we are busy doing something else in the house. I hate shouting at her, it completely stresses me out, but by the same token I am worried she will end up falling on the baby, accidentally on purpose, iyswim. I strap him in his high chair now, which he isn't overly impressed with but that seems the lesser of two evils. When in time out on the stairs she really starts to yell, 'I don't like you anymore', etc.

I realise I am making her sound awful, but she can be so sweet and caring and lots of fun to be with. I know I am exhausted, having not had a single full night's sleep in seven months now and that is not helping. I want to break the cycle if I can and I am hoping that her starting school is just what she needs.

Well done if you have got down to the end of this!

Playing the oboe sounds wonderful silken!

Hope your Fridays go really well!

Sorry, hope you are feeling better Linzer!

jenny that sounds really difficult, especially with sleep deprivation . if it's any consolation, your baby is likely to be less breakable than your instincts tell you, but of course he probably won't appreciate being squashed by big sis much. I hope that starting school helps, it must be a big deal for a child.

Linzer - how are you today? That sounds like a nasty bug, poor you. Hope you are feeling better.

silken - good to hear that dd was fine in the end. how is she doing today health -wise? One aspect of getting used to kindergarten is getting all the bugs...

hello thequeitone - I found this thread after you had left it I guess. But what is it like to be back in the Uk after time in Germany?

must go...as ds demanding attention. back later.....

got forced to stop MNetting yesterday by DS (how rude!!! ha ha!) and then didnt get back on and missed out a few people! sorry!

linzer - sorry I read it wrongly yesterday - didnt realise you were poorly. Sounds like a rotten bug - hope you're feeling better today. Has everyone else already had it or has it got further to go?

silken - sounds like you and your dd are having a tough time getting her settled in at kiga. There probably will be times thro the morning where she might be upset like there are times at home where she's upset about something. She'll develop a relationship with the staff where they can settle her but it'll take time. It was obviously harder the last couple of days when she was ill but maybe next week when she's better then it will probably be easier. But I'm really thinking of you both - its a hard time for the dc and the parents.

cinders - got no more advice than the good advice from everyone else. Hope the last couple of days have been better.

jenny - life really sounds hard at the moment. I remember sleep deprivation only too clearly. Are you still breastfeeding? Could you express and get dh to do one night to let you get some sleep? Everything always seems more manageable once you've had some sleep.

thequietone - how do you find life in the UK compared to germany? Whereabouts are you?

later - impressed with your zen attitude and the cleaning! nesting maybe? I'm the worst person to listen to about babies being late - I was induced 3 times. Think I lack whatever it is that brings on labour! Or I just have an extremely comfortable womb since I also cook very big babies!
My SIL and I were only wondering yesterday who buys Lebkuchen so early - its you!!!!

Well the proper shop yesterday (first one now that we're fully in the new kitchen) set me back a cool 125?. and i still need to go to the butchers this morning. And bet its all gone by next week. Grrrrrr!!!