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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

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Original poster

Has anyone moved overseas for non-financial reasons? Urgent advice needed please....

21 replies

starrystarrynights · 05/04/2011 09:14

Please could you help....we are having a bit of a dilemma.

DH has just been offered a job in Doha, we have a DD 6. Plan is that if we go, we would go for a couple of years and return to the UK afterwards.

We both like the idea of getting away from London life for a couple of years and it really is a now or never decision as both sets of our parents are elderly and I just don't seeing us going in the future.

I'm worried that

we may not get a place in a good school in Doha for DD
we will be uprooting DD just for a couple of years

giving up my salary. I'm more than happy to give up work for a couple of years however at the moment I earn twice what DH does. If we move to the middle east, his single income will be about 25% less than our current combined income , so we are hardly moving for financial reasons, although I could work whilst out there. Housing and education are paid for.

Part of me is saying ´you only live once´ and that we should enjoy a couple of years out there and part of me is looking at the negatives above.

Has anyone moved abroad for non financial reasons?

OP posts:

laptopwieldingharpy · 05/04/2011 10:19

We did move under similar circumstances because we wanted to be out of the rat race in London.
We move to Amsterdam for one year and it was lovely being out of the city (we both worked in financial services) and living at a slower pace, more centered on our family life (1 young toddler).
When we moved back to London, we figured they was no more appeal to the fast paced "it" life and within a year left for Asia.

The only thing that would bring us back is if our parents health was a problem.

2 years is nothing and Doha is really just a medium haul flight away.

You might get used to the expat lifestyle though. Its a strangely appealing cushioned life.
It is also a good opportunity to put your life and belief system into perspective.
Even if you do not adhere, in the right frame of mind, I always consider its an opportunity to grow into a richer person by experiencing another set of social codes.

Hope this helps.

laptopwieldingharpy · 05/04/2011 10:26

One thing I wanted to add is that you must really think hard about quitting a job you love.

Would you adjust to being a trailing spouse/kept wife? (many of us were quite happy for the hiatus but ended up with bottled up resentment)

Can you get back on your feet in 2 years etc....

I have started all over quite happily for the 3rd time only recently and this time it has hit me harder. Its hard planning a career in 2/3 year increments.

Original poster

starrystarrynights · 05/04/2011 10:48

Thank you laptop!!

I am in Financial Services in London too and giving up a really good job is something that I need to really think about. Do feel that I may have just about reached burn-out as far as the City goes but your right, should think about the trailing spouse thing....

Do you think a couple of years abroad at a potentially lower level would affect job prospects returning to London in a couple of years? (I work in regulation and things are regulated very lightly in ME)

OP posts:

laptopwieldingharpy · 05/04/2011 11:05

I think you would be fine with a 2 year gap.

Its just that if you go for the high powered positions, you know how it is, you have to justify that the overseas posting was a coincidence at a time when YOU had decided for yourself to take a garden leave.
Somehow, they always see it as you followed the husband, can we count on you not to do it again?

I guess you need to think about the possibility that you take 2 years off and maybe another 1 or 2 years to get back where you left.

Again, I would say go, but think it through and just accept the above possibility.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 05/04/2011 13:34

I would say go but don't count on getting a job.
We only stopped in Doha when connecting flights, but have friends who lived there and adored it.
It is only for two years and will give your Dd a new perspective on life.

strandednomore · 05/04/2011 14:51

IMHO two years is a really crap time period to go overseas for. You will probably hate the first year and want to go home. Then you will start to feel settles, your dd will be settled, and just as you are beginning to really enjoy it and start to make some really good friends, it's time to come home.

Having said that I am a great advocate in taking children to live in a completely different culture, it is a brilliant education for them and she is a good age. So you could look at it as something very positive for your dd. Just please don't go into it thinking it will be a fun 2-yr holiday for you....

suburbophobe · 11/04/2011 10:24

Be sure to check out if you can get a job permit there! (i.e. sometimes you can only get one by having a job first, etc.).

frakyouveryverymuch · 11/04/2011 10:30

Agree with stranded that 2 years isn't great...

If you're worried about getting back into your career at the same level afterwards could you negotiate a sabbatical from your current job and do something that would still look good in a CV (study, volunteer etc) to coincide with the move? Or is teleworking an option at all?

Bubbaluv · 12/04/2011 04:28

Is there nowhere you could go where you BOTH could work?
WE moved for non-financial reasons, but it was pre-children. The move actually turned out to be very financially lucrative and there was no way I was moving home again (post-children) until we were assured that it was not going to jeopardise our financial security.
Could you both get work in the US/AUS/Canada?

FellatioNels0n · 12/04/2011 09:44

Have pm'ed you Starry.

MmeSurvivedLent · 12/04/2011 09:45

Agree that 2 years is difficult. 3 - 5 years in one place is my minimum as it takes a year to feel settled and happy, then you are almost ready to pack up and go home.

Don't underestimate the savings that housing and education being paid would bring. I worked out recently that we pay about 5% of our income on housing, much much less than normal. That would probably make up your 25%.

Would you sell or rent your house in UK?

How old is your DD?

frakyouveryverymuch · 12/04/2011 10:03

Thinking about it could this be a better move financially in the long run?

Having done the maths of this posting, not that we really had any choice in the matter, we did lose my salary with no guaratee that I would get a job here so it wasn't a financial move as our income was technically lower but very worth it from a career advancement perspective for my DH. Is the same true for yours?

TheMysticMasseuse · 14/04/2011 22:35

Starry- have pm'd you with some details. I was in remarkably similar situation to you 18 months ago.

I did resent my DH for moving us, but tbh i so wish we had a 2 year timeframe rather than an open-ended one. I think if i'd known we'd be leaving I would have embraced my year of unemployment SAHM a lot more, seen it more as a break etc.

the other thing i would say is that moving itself is very expensive, so make sure you get a deal with your dh's job to cover relocation, removals, househunting etc.

TheMysticMasseuse · 15/04/2011 07:20

An additional thought: relocation, as everything in life, is to an extent what you make of it. If you decide to go, do it with enthusiasm and an open mind; if you think you might regret it or resent it, and your partner is equally unsure... Well think carefully about it. Those feelings tend to balloon when you're lonely and stressed and far from your support network.

TheMysticMasseuse · 15/04/2011 07:21

MmeSurvivedLent · 15/04/2011 11:09

MM
Long time no see. How are you doing? Are you moving back/have gone already?

TheMysticMasseuse · 16/04/2011 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MmeSurvivedLent · 18/04/2011 10:34

Oh, good for you. Would love to go back to work. Must be difficult with the DC.

Things good here, off to PILs for Easter.

We could meet for a glass of wine sometime? Are you city based? Could we meet for quick lunch?

dreamingbohemian · 18/04/2011 15:18

OP have you been to Doha or anywhere in the Gulf before?

Do you have any sense whether you would like that particular environment?

I think it's kind of two separate issues, 1) would you like to go abroad for 2 years, 2) would you like to go to this particular place.

I have friends in your position who have gone to Hong Kong and Singapore and loved it, just another option maybe.

ConfessionsOfAnAchingFanjo · 18/04/2011 21:17

I moved for over here permanantly for love/staying with the father of my child. It was financially the worst thing we could have done in a way, but under the circumstances it was by far me having to go home without the man I love, be a single Mum and work until either we could save enough to be financially secure while immigrating, or the strain of being apart became to much and we ended up splitting.

I know my situation is nothing like yours, but really there was no option for us to consider the financial impact, which is what you asked. And I've got to say even though money is tight as a result, we're far more happy as a family together.

Good luck making up your minds what to do. Sometimes the dafter sound decision turns out to be the better one.

Kiwinyc · 18/04/2011 21:56

I would only go to Doha if it makes financial sense. In our case it does, Dh has a well paid expat salary package, we have confirmed places at a good school and a good probability that i can find work if i want it (telecommunications) but i also don't have to work if i don't. Dh is already out there and we will be finishing the school year here and moving in Aug.

There are other places that have benefits even if they don't make financial sense, but i'm not sure Doha does, theres not that much else going for it imo, except to make some tax free $$$ and be a short hop to Oman, Dubai, Abu Dhabi, etc.

Also school places are in short supply - What yr will your DD be needing? - If its yr 3 it may be ok, my older DD was offered a place in yr 3 in the two of most sought after schools (DESS and Sherborne) for April of this yr. (We applied in Dec/Jan. Doha College is also highly sought after for some reason, but we didn't like that school) But there were no places available for her Reception yr sister so we didn't take the offers . Reception & yr 1 places are difficult to get, there are long waiting lists and we've only gotten a place for yr 1 in Sept because her older sister got in and siblings are bumped up the list and given priority because of that.

Mind you, i just heard about someone whose gotten a lucrative job in Financial services in Abu Dhabi so maybe that sector is growing, we're just not that familiar with it (Dh is in Consulting/telecoms)

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