Practicalities of moving to the US

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DH is currently negotiating a move to NYC with his work and it will mean us moving as a family of 5 from London to the New York area. Despite being relatively senior in an investment bank it looks likely that they'll offer us the bare minimum in terms of help moving so I'm trying to work out what we'd need to push for them to do and what it would cost us to do.

We have 3 children, 9, 5 and 1 and the move would initially be for 2 years so we do need to keep the older ones at an academic level so that they can come back into the UK system without problems and DS1 needs to be at a standard where with some tutoring we can sit him for the 11+ exams for independent schools. I don't think that they'll help us with fees for a private school and will likely give minimal help in rent so we'll need the children in good public schools. Would there be flexibility to put them a year ahead of themselves due to the UK education system being a year ahead?

Any ideas of how much it would cost to ship our stuff out?

They will sort out healthcare and visas for us but anything else we should be pushing for? We don't yet know if DH will stay on his UK contract and be paid in £ or if he'll have to transfer to a US one.

We really want to move but if it's going to put us severely out of pocket then we'd have to consider it carefully.

Finally any tips for helping children to integrate into a new culture? DS1 is very sporty so I'm planning on finding a football class for him as soon as I can but DD is extremely shy so I am much more nervous about her adapting.

We are looking at living in New Jersey as DH will be based in Jersey City rather than in Manhattan, current favourite being Bergen County and Tenafly in particular which seems to tick all our boxes ie good schools, a walkable downtown, nice houses and close to Manhattan. I'd much prefer to live in Brooklyn but it's just too expensive and we want a house with a garden as I don't think that the children or I would adapt well to apartment living.

UrbanBaby is said to be a very good mom's forum for parents in the NYC area.

This is the best case scenario - I would aim for everything you can get and then compromise only where you see fit / it doesn't cost you:
Unless there is an empty house waiting for you to move into it, they should really be paying for up to 2 months temp accommodation (rental home, furnished) while you look for a more permanent base. They should pay for packing, transportation and possible storage of your furniture + relevant insurance. They should give you a small lump sum to cover the cost of buying things like TV, lamps, toaster, kettle, coffee machine, microwave etc all of which you'd need on US voltage etc.
They should pay you in US dollars and provide accountancy advice and legal advice.
Depending on the type of VISA you go on (most likely L1 for him, L2 for you and the kids) you need to know that you won't get a Social Security number, so if you want a mobile phone, it has to be in your husband's name. Same for buying or renting a car, utility & landline bills and so on. You should have a contact in the area you're thinking of moving to who can provide you with information about local schools, local (NJ) rules regarding driving licenses - though you can look all this up yourself, it sometimes helps to have someone on the ground to advise you.

You're making a good choice going for NJ in terms of good public (state) schools. You can check out rankings and boundaries via www.schooldigger.com

Good luck. Sounds fun.

PS the UK ed system is not a year ahead. Entry to public schools is fairly strictly based on birth dates. If you have a genius whose birthday is near the cut off for the next year sometimes you can get them assessed and advanced a year.

My parents moved to the USA for my dads work when I was 8 and I've also done transatlantic moves as an adult. This is a haphazard mix of things that might be useful -

• shipping costs £2k minimum (more for more stuff) and takes about 6 weeks. Ideally at least 1 parent should fly out 2months before the move to find a house so everything can be shipped to the right place.

• you need a US social security no to do anything - open a bank account, get a driving licence etc. It should be easy to get one but takes time.
• maybe push for money for a car?
• the education system is v different. I went from a private London school to a US state school and was a couple of years ahead in maths. I only spent a few months at the US state school so it didn't really matter, but if your eldest is going to be in the US state schools for a couple of years then it must be worth doing plenty of research. Like the UK, state schools are v variable.

Don't worry about kids adapting to a new culture. I think it is easier to adapt when you are younger, and if you support them in making a couple of new friends, they will be fine. But it is worth finding out in advance if there is some local support network for international families, either via your husbands work or otherwise, that you all can use. Every time i've done a major move to a new city (5 so far) I find it takes at least a year to settle in and make friends. Especially going to the USA where the language is the same but the culture isn't.

Thank you all so much for your advice. It's all in the early stages at the moment but discussions seem to be moving fairly quickly. Unfortunately DH can be the type who thinks only of his work and if the project sounds good will agree to it before properly thinking through the practicalities so I need to brief him on the bare minimum we can accept before he signs anything. I'm hopeful that the people telling him that we'll get very little help are just speculating, they're other people in his department who don't want him to go, rather than the relocation people, so hopefully minimal help would be at least what is outlined by anymosity.

Taxes in New York and New Jersey are SKY HIGH. A lot of people who work in New York city live in and commute from Pennsylvania. If your DH doesn't mind the commute you could look at the lehigh valley area in Pennsylvania..just avoid inner city Allentown. There are places further north in Pennsylvania as well. Lots of New Yorkers in the poconos (further north of the valley) but yet it is still very rural and country there. Lots of pick up trucks etc.

I am moving back to Pennsylvania (my home state) after 10 years in the UK so I am biased of course. It is a nice state really. Pennsylvania was very rural and now it is full of New Yorkers and people from New Jersey. They were low income in their states because of the high taxes etc but live like kings in Pennsylvania.

The cost of living over there is a lot cheaper than the UK so you won't be too out of pocket. Property/school taxes can be pretty pricey though. Are you renting or buying?

Wegmans supermarkets have an international section that sells lots of British things like weetabix. I plan on hitting that store as soon as I get over to stock up on decent tea and stuff.

Good luck. There are lots of Brits in that area.

Oh and you will NEED two cars if you are outside the city. Public transport outside the city (NYC) really doesn't exist. I never understood British people who complain about Britain's public transport because it is FANTASTIC compared to the USA.

Hello Newjobthankgod. We'd initially be renting and would only buy if we decided to stay. Looking online our London house would buy us a palace in the parts of NJ we've been looking at but we would rent it out for the first couple of years and then take a view. I had heard that Pennsylvania was lovely but we're really looking for DH to have the shortest commute possible as he works such long hours as it is and he tells me that it's not going to get any shorter if he goes out there and he'll still be working in the same team and is currently out there regularly so I think that he has a pretty good idea.

Yes, we're already planning on 2 cars, we have 2 at the moment so not too worried about that and at least petrol is a bit cheaper which has to be a plus. Haven't actually looked at the cost of cars yet so will research that too.

I was looking at brand new cars when I was over there last week. I am deciding between a brand new suburu legacy and a nissan ultima....both around the $23,000 mark as long as I stay with the basic package. There are cheaper ones. They had good consumer reports and can fit 3 kids in the back.

DH and the kids will be joining me about 4 months after I get over. Wait until he finds out about the brand new car LOL.

There are some really nice places in NJ. Plus, it is so easy to get to the shore.

If your husband is working in Jersey City I would also consider looking at Millburn/Short Hills, Summit and Maplewood/South Orange (in that order). Millburn school district is very good, there are a lot of international families moving in and out of the area and the train goes direct to Hoboken (DH would then take the light rail or walk over the new bridge to Jersey City). These towns have nice downtowns which are very walkable and good community activities.

Most important thing is that the bank recognises the time that he has worked for the company. They are still laying people off and friends who came over on new contracts are not getting severance pay for the time they worked in the UK/other overseas locations or assistance with returning to the UK.

The company should pay for your move (ie shipping all of your stuff), flights once a year to visit family in the UK, temporary accomodation while your personal belonging as shipped over (takes around 4-6wks), visas (insist on L1 for DH and L2 for yourself and children so you can work if you want to (also easier to transfer to a green card from an L1 compared to a H1), assistance with tax returns for the first year and reimbursement for the cost of buying all new electrical items (it adds up).

newjobthankgod I would avoid a car that is not all wheel drive as we get quite a bit of snow in the tristate area. The basic models are sometimes 2 wheel drive and it is much better to spend the extra. I bought a golf and I am like bambi on ice even with extra weight in the back.

Unless they give you a generous package, you will be out of pocket.

You should only be paying for one house - your UK one - so they should give you a reasonable allowance for rent and utilities of a house of similar size and neighbourhood to his new colleagues.

They should provide a relocation agent to find a house, sort out the contracts, connect utilities, get rental furniture, sort out schools, sort out hire cars, and a limo to meet you at the airport. You should get a look-see visit.

On this end, they should cover any losses when you sell your cars. You should get both an air and sea shipment for your household good, including all furniture. The should pay the fee of your letting agent. They should give you a slush fund for both moving out of your old house and into your new.

His salary should either be the equivalent UK one with cost of living allowance and foreign service premium, or a local salary if higher. They should continue his uk pension contributions. For holidays, he should get his UK allowance unless the US ones are better. You should get flights back to the Uk each year. The should also have a tax equalisation policy and prepare your taxes.

I can think of more but will leave it there!

We moved from the UK to NYC three years ago and it was incredibly expensive. Plus dh's company then decided to close the office he moved to three months later. So all very painful. We lived in New Jersey for a bit, close to the places Want2beasupermum suggests, and it was a really nice area (we then moved to Queens). I'd only do it again with a lot of assurances, and they'd all have to written down in a legally binding contract.

US schools generally work on a local taxation basis. You get into the school if you are in the catchment area, and if the area is wealthy the school is well funded (and thus generally good). Our children found that in some things they were ahead and others they were behind (they were 6 and 8). It is difficult moving education systems, and if you are expecting to return then you probably will need to check the differences between the UK syllabus and then supplement if there are things they don't cover in the US school.

We found NJ very welcoming and the children were soon being invited to friends houses/gardens to play (dd can be very persuasive though!). You'll need to rent somewhere and explore so that you find a nice neighbourhood that suits you., or go out in advance and check places out. If the package is good enough then I'm sure you will have a great time.

This is where your employer steps in. They should set up a private banker for you where your checking account comes with a debit card.

Utilities, which all have a credit limit, should also be set up in advance.

It's good to have access to savings (eg in the UK), as you have a lot of outgoings early on, and it may take time to get reimbursed.

One of the most important things to sort out early on is your drivers license. You may have a month to get this (depends on the state), but try to get it within a week or so. It's a license to live and very hard to do financial transactions without it.

For credit cards get an amex if you don't already have one. They moved my account from the UK to the US and gave me a pretty good credit limit. I would have had to get a prepaid credit card for 6 months if it wasn't for this.

Also, for a SSN and card it is best to go to the office in Hoboken in the morning. I have never had to wait for more than 20mins while Jersey City took 5 hours or longer each time I went there.

When you arrive I suggest you bring a family member who can look after the kids while you and your DH do the rounds with the DMV (the wait can be more than 4 hours now) and other admin such as SS office.

We opened a Citibank account in the UK and then had them set us up in the States. That way we could move funds around easily. HSBC might do the same. My Citi account had a VISA debit card, in effect giving me credit as well as debit (but i only use credit for booking online).

As I recall NJ has a very easy exchange scheme for driving licenses, I think you just have to do the written test.

nooka I had a very hard time getting my drivers license. I went in to sit the test the first time and they gave me the test in Spanish. The second time I got 39/40 and the computer told me I had failed! I went a 3rd time and they wouldn't let me sit the test because they told me I had already taken it twice and I needed to sit a course before sitting again (not true). I moved up to CT for six months and took my test in Danbury. I passed no problem and after passing I told CT DMV what had happened in NJ, they confirmed that they are only allowed to pass a certain number of people a week so go on a Monday never a Saturday!

Another thing about the DMV in Jersey is that since they closed a couple of the centers here in North Jersey the lines can get very bad. I arrived on a Saturday morning at 7.45am at the Springfield DMV office and I didn't get in until 11.30am. I was lucky to be seen and all I was doing was renewing my license. Go early, bring food and water, 6 points of ID and unopened mail with your name and address on it. Bring at least 3 different pieces of unopened mail as the rules change depending on the mood of the person checking ID.

One of the annoying things about moving to NJ is that car insurance is very expensive compared to other states. No insurance company would consider my previous driving experience so it was as if I was a new driver. Five years later and no claims I am finally paying a reasonable amount for insurance. Try to get with New Jersey Manufacturers Insurance as they generally have the best rates and you get a dividend at the end of the year if overall claims are low.

You have some really helpful advice here; I would add Health Insurance and immunizations to your list. Employers offer health insurance, deducting the cost pre-tax from wages - you will likely have a choice of coverage, with lower or higher copays, depending on the cost. Note that when you go to the doctors, the first question is "how will you be paying?", and even with good coverage, those copays (the amount you pay for each office visit) can add up. Also check that dental and prescriptions are covered. (Eg my 3 dds have dental appointments coming up, and I know that will be $90 for the fluoride treatment which insurance does not cover, and their individual copays. Immunizations - when you have an idea of where you will be living, take a look at the local school district's website - there should be a list of required immunizations - which is generally longer than the UK's requirements. You will not be allowed to set foot in a school without written proof of these immunizations, or proof of disease (eg chickenpox) - I wish I had got these done in the UK before we moved, as it was so traumatic dragging three kids repeatedly back to the doctors to get all the required shots, not to mention it would have been cheaper!
I think I remember rightly that in NJ you are not allowed to "pump your own gas" (unless that has changed?) so pull into the gas station and wait for someone to do it for you!

That's interesting Want2be. We were in the States almost three years ago and the NJ test didn't seem very difficult when I did it online (not that the NY one was hard either). Actually we were told that the NY driving test wasn't too hard but I still didn't want to take it!

My main memory of NJ is that the sign posting was terrible (lots of U turns required) and we got lost a lot, although at least the driving wasn't quite as scary as NYC.

You will be on the employers' health insurance, but it is worth going for an international policy if you can.

Children need proof of immunisations before entering school, so see your practise nurse before you go. The school district websites will tell you what you need. Any you don't have can be given by your new doctor in the US. They will let you into school after the first hep B jab and TB skin test.

You could only sit the test on a computer at a DMV location. I failed the test the first time because I don't speak Spanish and I 'failed' the second time because the computer told me so (the screen at the end said I got 39/40). The test is not difficult but do read the booklet before you sit. They have a couple of funny questions such as 'What is the drink consumed by most drivers caught drink driving?'. The answers are wine, liquor, beer or water - correct answer is beer. Who cares what the drink driver was drinking!

It is true that you don't fill your own car in New Jersey. I think it is the best idea ever as you don't have to get out of your car in the depth of winter or heat of summer. There are less people walking around the forecourt and you don't have to leave your children in the car unattended (a major problem in the heat).

Driving in Jersey is an interesting experience. Get a GPS and use it to go everywhere!

For health insurance, the copays for doctor visits and prescriptions can be paid out of a health savings account (sometimes called a flex account). You put pretax income into the account at the start of the year and use these funds for pay for copays. Obamacare changed these quite a bit but you might be able to still pay for glasses, contact lenses and optician appointments. The major disadvantage to these accounts is you lose what you don't spend at the end of the year. If I were you I would be very conservative with your contribution in the first year and then increase the balance during the 2nd year when you have a better idea of what your expenses are.

The NYC test had lots on drink driving too, and I thought some of the questions were a bit odd too. It's funny because having stressed out over getting the driving license we then had to leave and moved up to Canada instead. To start with we thought we were going to have to do the whole thing again here (BC being I think the only state that didn't have a license exchange program) but then they got the agreement in place and so we went to the office, had a very quick eye test answered I think two or possibly three driving related questions (and I got one wrong!) and were then given the BC license.

Also nycmummy.com is a useful blog for British mums in NYC.