When the visitors come, how do you stay sane and solvent?

[Slightlyreluctantexpat]

It's all in the title really! I think I can be a lovely hostess for a weekend, but now we're living abroad the visitors come for at least a week..

Any useful tips for dealing with....the sharing of costs, the monotony of visiting the same old places, not being able to get on with normal things (from lunching to laundry), having extra people underfoot??

Many visitors are delightful, of course! Wouldn't want you all to think I am a grump (though I have just given my current visitor the slip and am sitting in a cafe with a )

Do please advise me, wise MNetters!

for us its the other way round, we are the foreigners in the uk.
our place is very small which means I cant do any washing because there is no place to put it to dry. so visitors that want to stay longer than a long weekend have to book themselves into a hotel.
We also do the "one attraction a day" when we have visitors that are not comfortable on their own, like my pil who dont speak english.
I give visitors an a-z with a sticky page mark where we are and our spare (but nearly empty) oyster card.
for lunch and dinner I have a "serve yourself" policy. for dinner we go out at least once with the guests paying.
we ask guests to bring something from their country that is not readily available here and often they voluntier (sp) to pay for a shopping as well (for some reason they are fascinated by the local supermarkets).
some visitors we have taken for rides to the countryside to places we have not yet been, a nice excuse to get out of the city.

Yes patience, we had one friend who came to visit 3 years in a row and just refused to hire a car, even when we said she really needed to, gave her all the info etc. In the end, we started discouraging her from coming, which was a real shame, as she's lovely in all other ways! But a nightmare when DP and I were working and she'd grumble about us having to drop her off somewhere in the morning and pick her up in the evening...

Our latest set have just arrived - there are 4 of them, not staying with us and have hired a car, but instantly announced that they have 'loads' of laundry to give me to do and that they will be eating at our house every night to save money.

After a phone call yesterday morning to let us know that their hire car was ready so we could go and get them to take them to it 'whenever we were ready' DP and I had one of the most hectic days we've ever had with a ridiculous ammount of work, running about, and DS having a horrible allergic reaction, neccesitating the washing of everything in the house.

Add to that the fact that nowhere would accept their travellers cheques, so we've had to sub them a hige amount of money that we just don't have until their cheques clear in 2 weeks...

Cue our friends arriving at ours last night, sitting there drinking and watching us while we raced about trying to get dinner ready as their extremely badly behaved child ran riot, tore our house apart and broke things...we tidied up and did dishes for almost 2 hours after they left.

Not what you want when 6 months pg and suffering from a horrible cold. The thought of the work and expense of the next 2 weeks is making my heart sink. I love my friends, but...

Tola, that does sound hard work.

When they give you the laundry, just show them the machine. Don't DO it and dry it and iron it for them.

Similarly, although they want to eat at your house every night, you needn't make something lovely each night. Maybe the cupboard will be bare? Maybe you'll have eaten at lunchtime and only have a sandwich for dinner? Maybe some nights youand DH HAVE to go out so that you guests have to fend for themselves. They might be saving THEIR money by going to you each evening, but they're not saving yours.

I'm quite cross on your behalf! And, as for the travellers' cheques, why do people still bother with them? Such a PITA nearly everywhere, these days. I thought my PILs were the last people in the world to use them, but obv. not.

All the best!

Gosh! I live in the Uk but have stayed with friends abroad and can't believe the behaviour of some of these 'guests'. Just to reddress the balance: I always take a present and ask if there is anything they would like me to bring, would never expect them to ferry me around or break out of their normal routine unless they want to. I always take them out for at least one meal and offer to cook stuff at theirs and would never expect them to pay for anything. I would ask to use their washing machine and would help with washing up etc. also, buy food. Anything else is so rude and bad mannered. So, when can I come and stay?

Hmm - I am a serial visitor and houseguest, and try very hard to be considerate.

In 2 weeks we shall be travelling to visit a dear friend in California for 10 days - for the third year in a row. Here is what we do:

• arrive on a Friday, and rent a car immediately
• go to supermarket on first day to buy stuff we want, that they don't regularly use
• spend the weekend with our friends, and depart on Monday to do sidetrips (involving hotel stays elsewhere for 3 nights), returning to friend's home on Thursday evening. This enables our friends to work from home without visitors underfoot.
• Spend Friday and Saturday with friends, and depart for the airport on Sunday morning, which gives them most of the day 'off' before their work week resumes.
• while at their home, we do all our own laundry (of course), help set/clear the table and assist with meal preparation/cleanup, take friends out for at least one evening meal, and insist on paying for one trip to the supermarket to shop for food supplies. Also, always buy at least one very nice bottle of wine (we are all modest drinkers).

Hopefully, that makes us considerate houseguests and not the nightmare spongers many of you are describing on this thread.

I feel a bit mean (and sorry for all the typos!) having read my last post back - I am really pleased that our friends are here, honestly! And I bloody hope think she was kidding about expecting me to do their washing. I will show them machine and let them get on with it.

I've already told DP that today we are going to tell them very firmly that we Do Not Eat Dinner on Sunday (true) as we usually have a largeish, lateish lunch. Well, he's going to have to tell them, actually, as I've completely lost my voice.

I was quite surprised that the travellers cheques were such a pain - but I haven't used them in probs 15 years, and didn't really realise that they were still used at all, tbh.

Harlot and Earlybird - you're more than welcome, any time! .

Earlybird You sound great. I'll send you my address .

To be fair, I have always been pretty lucky with my house guests, as, excluding family, most people used to only come for long weekends so that was quite do-able, plus they always wanted to go to Aquaventure (massive water park) which I loved so I didn't mind. Most didn't hire a car (Dubai driving is pretty terrifying to the uninitiated) but there was a cab rank right outside our apartment and they were happy to use those. I did get the odd call from guest saying "Bagged, can you talk to the taxi driver as he's been here less time than me and doesnt know where your house is"

I did hear some really shocking stories along the same lines as this thread though.

Tola - you need to put your foot down now! If they want to save money, tell them they are welcome to use your kitchen and suggest taking turns cooking/cleaning up. Give them directions to the local supermarket. They are on holiday, you are not.
Being a good host is not about being their slave! I go to see people to spend time with them, not have a free ride.

thelittlestkiwi. I feel bad now. My friend wanted to spend time with me, too.

I just can't do 4 weeks of it.

One. Possibly.

That's the difficulty when you live a long way away, isnt it, patience? It's not worth them making a longhaul journey for a long weekend, but living together in the same house for any longer is so difficult.

I now realise that, as others have said on this thread, the ground rules need to be set before the people come. The conversation has to be that, yes they can stay, but not for two/three/four weeks solid. Visit for a weekend or two as part of a holiday in the area, but not for the whole holiday.

It's not that one doesn't want to see one's friends, just that sharing the same space for any length of time is difficult.

Again for me the biggest pita is the expectation that you will take time off work because friends and family are making it their holiday. I told my BIL that I had to work over their planned extended Easter break here, and that they would need to hire a car or drive over, strangely they cancelled

But then they announced that my summer holiday could be theirs, so I would take time off to show them the sights! I put them straight on that immediately - four days max here for me!

I told the. We would be available for a long weekend. I get less holiday than the UK and work longer, I need a break with my ds and dh this year, so as others have suggested, with our thoughtful set of friends we have hired a villa with a private pool to get together instead, and will each take turns at the BBQ!