Another French Nounou/am question

[flyingcloud]

DD has just turned 1.

The assistante maternelle has, for the last 2 or 3 weeks, been talking about working on DD's walking (she is an ace crawler). Apparently I should be working on her walking skills at home, encouraging her as much as possible. DD has been pulling herself up for about 4 months. She can cruise and can walk when I hold her hands but really isn't interested.

Anyway yesterday the am suggested I get DD some proper shoes. She said that in her experience children without shoes walk later and their feet develop poorly. This, she claimed, was backed up by any foot doctor she had ever seen or spoken to.

I got a bit defensive about pushing her to walk as she, and I, are in no hurry, but I am not really sure about the shoe thing. I thought that children's feet developed better if they learned to walk barefoot?

Most of my Fench friends think a child who walks post 13 months is a late walker. Is this a cultural thing or am I behind the times!?

I have no experience of nannies or am but I am pretty certain that everything I ever reador heard (in the UK) about shoes and walking was "Do not put proper shoes on a baby that does not walk yet!"

I have 4 dcs and they all walked at different ages DD (13 months, Ds2 11 months, Ds3 17 months and DD4 9 months and that was more than DS3!)

Hi flying,

I think I read somewhere that the average age to start walking is 13.5 months, but of course that's only average. DS was just on 14 months and a friend of mine's child was over 18 months. Each child is different. And good crawlers often walk later.

The French do have a thing about putting them in shoes - witness the shoes you can buy for newborns! I'd stand my ground - try throwing in a few "quotes" from your pédiatre (even if you don't go to one). They carry more weight than a podologue! Be firm and say that each child develops according to his/her own programme.

They are a bit strange with the whole walking thing here - I remember when DS was about 10 months old, crawling around, some random woman asked if he was developmentally delayed because he wasn't walking!

Walking is encouraged much earlier but it's v actively encouraged IYSWIM. There's a lot of focus on helping them to walk by holding them standing, cruising etc.

As for the shoes thing there are different views and it depends on the shoe - shoe type shoe or soft bootee foot protector type shoe. They do walk earlier if you put them in shoes because you can't really crawl any more with shoes on!!!

Tell you AM you're not concerned and don't put DD in shoes if you don't want to.

Thanks all. I am just worried she'll get to DH and he'll believe the hype!

I think the fact that a lot if French houses have tiling on the floor, including the am's might have something to do with it.

I'm starting to have doubts about my am and this was just another thing to annoy me.

If it can help. I am french, I had a big genuvalgum when 4 yo. The peadiatrician then recommended no shoes, walking bare foot was the best and that was 38 years ago. at your nounou.

DD1 was in shoes at 6 months because of bumshuffling and making her feet bleeding raw. She walked at 11 months.
DD2 just had a pair bought yesterday for outside only, she is 1 and as been walking since 9 months.

It is true that a pair of shoes can help late walkers if they have poor muscle tone or hypersoft joints. But 13 months is not late, walking past 18 months is.

My MW said that there is less foot and posture problems in countries where the children go barefoot all the time.
The best is anti slip socks for inside if it is too cold for barefoot.
But if she is cruising in the park she probably need proper shoes for then.

She is talking rubbish. None of my 3 children wore shoes and all walked at 10months, 13 months and 11 months - proper independent walking. My (Belgium) mil went out and bought them all shoes, they were all worn about once for a photo, to appease MIL.

Schrodinger's cat - My ds started walking very well before 11 months but his feet point slightly inwards. My PIL were very insistent that he wears shoes, but I knew that he should have bear feet, and in the end was checked by two paediatricians who both said his feet were flexible and he should continue bare foot as much as possible.

What none of my dh's family seemed to realise is that my ds simply has the same gait as my fil, but they are all so used to my fil, they cannot see it.

I know I have subtle hints from my mum that the girls are standing now (at 5 and 8 months ) so they should have shoes. Even if she was the one advised to leave me barefoot as much as possible to repair my posture!

I read an interesting article yesterday about being barefoot, I will look it up.

Shoes at the moment at dreadful - kitten heel for four year old girls, slip on ballet pumps that slip off when they run, and stupidly high heel for when they are older.

And even supposedly practical shoes such as Uggs and Crocs, look hideous and are slippery in wet conditions.

There are very few practical, attractive shoes around and a lot of children and women with badly developed feet.

Can you tell it's something of a crusade of mine? I once wrote an article myself on the benefits of bare feet.

The French are well into shoes for babies!!

Our nounou bought (a soft) pair for DS1 when he was about 6 mths old, I suppose they stopped his socks falling off.

The shoe thing is quite cultural - have you noticed that French shoe shops don't do width fittings for children's shoes, and yet in the UK everyone is very uptight about that (or is it marketing?).

Honestly the shoe/non-shoe thing seems to be just another thing to worry about, I wouldn't let it interfere with your relationship with your nounou.

TBH with your first child people are always queueing up to tell you what to do with them and it's hard not to take it personally.

You KNOW DD will walk, if you are not bothered about pushing her then just say so firmly.

Both of our DS walked early-ish (10 mths and 12mths) but didn't have "real" shoes if that gives you some ammunition!

good luck

Thanks jamais, I was in your part of the world last weekend celebrating my birthday!

oh happy belated birthday.

How are things with your nounou now - any better or is this just one of many issues?

Things with the nounou are fine really. I just have days when I am horribly guilty about leaving dd with her all day long and I pick apart every little thing and get all defensive.
She hasn't mentioned the shoes again, only to say that as dd had spent time on the carpet (as opposed to carrelage) she didn't need shoes on.

Can you get some soft leather slippers? Or even just French slippers?

It's true that tiled floors are cold and I always make the DC wear slippers and do so myself.

But it sounds like it's a broader issue, you need to get over your guilt (easier said than done!) and also maybe with our first we are very concerned about things and take this kind of remark the wrong way because we already feel a little inadequate, so any criticism is felt as cutting.

I was like that with my first, for DS2 I had an easier time although he was a tougher baby, I was more confident, and had "settled" into being a mother and didn't take things to heart.

Hope you are ok, it's tough isn't it?

Who cares when they walk? Have you ever seen an adult and thought "wow, they are a really good walker"?

Also my mother had terrible feet so she was the merticulous about the care of my feet. Guess what? I have terrible feet. I think it's in the genes, not the shoes.

My son was 1 at end of Jan. He is walking so we gave in and bought him Clark's Cruisers.

So it probably will be time soon. I must say they do keep the socks on. Kids do look a bit slack when you get them out of the pushchair and their feet are bare (again).