If you have a maid/helper, how do divide up the chores?

[alfabetty]

Do you tend to let the helper run the house - shopping, cooking, washing and ironing? How much supervision you you exert? If they are competent, do you just leave them to it, as you would in an office environment? Or do you still see yourself as primarily responsible for running the home with the helper as an additional pair of hands?

Or do you do some things? For example, do you do specific tasks (eg cooking) or is it a bit more a question of all mucking in - so you tidy a bit, the helper does the cleaning - or is that too much crossing-over and difficult for the helper to get on with things?

And most importantly - childcare. I don't work, but would need a hand with the children. How do you balance being the main carer with allowing enough contact that the children and helper are happy together?

If you're in the ME I'd ask this at expatwoman (one of the posters has a rather formidable list irrc)

I have a helper (live in, FT). She started with me 2 months before DS was born, so about 6 months so far.

To answer your question, I would say it depends on the helper (not that helpful I know but they vary hugely in terms of confidence, knowledge and experience). It also depends on the employer and how involved they want to be in things like childcare and cooking. Basically, the contracts are usually very loosely worded and whatever you decide is fine but you should make your expectations clear at interview stage so they know what you want. For example, a lot of helpers in HK basically want a nannying job so if they're never allowed to take care of the children alone, they wouldn't like it.

Mine has been a helper for 15 years so in terms of household stuff (cleaning, laundry, shopping, cooking) I just let her get on with it- she is organised and proactive so I don't need to micro manage her. If I especially want something doing a particular day I would ask her, and I normally prompt her to do the "one off jobs"- like defrost the freezer, but apart from that, she just gets on with it. She also looks after my son alone for an average of 3 hrs a day and babysits if we go out in the evening.

So basically, you can set things up how you like, but just be clear about it so they don't get confused. One thing I've noticed is that if you;re there, they dont want to be seen to be chilling out, even if there's nothing to do, so you have to tell them that it's ok to just watch TV or call home if they've done everything.

I have a FT housekeeper (she is too experienced and capable to be described as a maid), I work full time and have teenagers. I chose someone very experienced as I needed someone who I could trust to get on with everything without much input from me. It works very well.

I run the house, do the shopping, cooking. Maid/nanny does the cleaning and looks after ds3 aged 2.5 when he's not at preschool while I look after dd, 3 months. She also helps out with the baby when I need to do things like having a bath (dd likes a lot of cuddles) or eating lunch. I take sole charge of ds1 and 2 when they're home from school. So, I guess she's more of a helper but is so competent at the cleaning, washing etc that I don't need to tell her what to do. It works well as ds3 in particular adores her. That worries me as we may have to go back to the uk soon and he'll miss her terribly and she'll be devastated .

Thanks. Interesting to hear other experiences - as a SAHM I don't want to get in the way, but equally the idea of handing over everything domestic feels a bit odd, and I don't want to overwhelm a helper, as it is quite a responsibility to run someone else's house for them.