In Chicago and due in August....

[BritinUSA]

Hello! Posted on the pregnancy board yesterday for the first time. Am 11 weeks and experiencing an amped up version of PMS which has already lasted about two months! Even though well established here (six years) missing home and family more than ever. No doubt thanks to those lovely first trimester hormones. I've read they calm down - I hope so.

I know this topic has come up before about being pregnant and overseas. The thing that concerns me the most is the 12 weeks maternity leave! I know American women cope with it all the time, but are there any Brits out there who've had to adapt. 12 weeks just feels SO early when my sister-in-law in London had a year!

Then again, I might well be putting the cart before the proverbial horse, it is still early days...

Just would be really interested in connecting with other Brit ladies who might have gone through being pregnant here without the support of family........

Thanks!

Congratulations on your pregnancy - as a mum of two tiny children in the US I would recommend you get in touch with local mom's groups: International Mom's Club, meet up groups from meetup.com - sometimes there are pre-natal and post-natal groups where you can meet and go for a stroller ride and a coffee together. Its a self formed support network.

First trimester can be challenging - but it will be so wherever you are - hang in there, and I wish all the very best to you.

Anonymosity - thank you so much for the link - this is really helpful and I appreciate you sharing this. You are absolutely right, it doesn't matter whether in London or Stateside first trimester symptoms would be the same! It's a good way of looking at it. Thanks again

Yes, I worked and had a baby in corporate America. Returned to work at 12 weeks. My mother came for a month and then my DD was in an onsite day care and I was able to go and feed her throughout the day. Sorry to tell you that there is no happy end to this story.......my company was offering voluntary redundancy when she was about 5 months old. I took it and never looked back, I just could not leave her! I am in Chicago too. I am sorry but I do not have any constructive suggestions. Just be prepared as it is emotionally very hard. Good luck.

Hello, I had my baby in Chicago! I gave up work, so cannot help re maternity leave but I sympathise. It's hard having a baby when you have no family around. Good luck!

Oh, I had DS in September but it was a ridiculously hot August and we had no air con . Please make sure you have some!

i live in MI now, but had dd in the UK. however, we were nowhere near family, so i know how it feels, and i went back to work at 4 months.

it may sound awful, but i was glad to go back - i was quite ill throughout my pregnancy & just needed to get back out & be 'me' again. luckily, we had a fantastic nursery near us & i never had a moment's worry about dd or her care. do you know what childcare there is for your dc? it can help you to have it all planned out, knowing where they'll be etc is less daunting. i started looking at places around 3 months pregnant - i just found it was easier to have that set up - one less thing to worry about, when i knew we had no support from family, so had to do everything ourselves.

i do know that some doctors sign the MUM off work on sick leave if they feel that she needs more time at home before going back. of course, it depends on your work, but it can happen. (a friend of mine had her baby 7 weeks early last July, but didn't return to work til Jan as the doc said baby needed longer at home, so signed my friend off to cover her)

Congratulations, Britin! The first trimester can be pretty miserable, can't it? Hope you feel better soon I'm due with DC 2 in June and I feel great now!

I also live in a place that has 12 weeks maternity leave. I was very lucky with DS as I was lecturing at a University and he was due at the end of December. I worked until 2 days before my due date beacuse I didn't want to 'waste' my leave. Then I was allowed to take an extra month unpaid, but which time it was almost the summer holidays. You might ask if unpaid extra time is an option for you?

After the summer I went back, but like Satinandtat, I left work eventually and now work at home.

It was just too soon for me to put him into full time childcare. I couldn't do it. Tbh, I think the pitiful maternity leave is a big reason why there are so many 'stay at home moms' in the US, and why the society as a whole is quite sexist, with all the 'home' stuff being seen a women's work.

Gosh so pleased to see your post - I think we're moving to Chicago in June or July due to a new job for DH, so I'd love to get in touch with you.

We will be thinking about TTC DC2 shortly after we arrive so I'd love to get involved with some playgroups etc. I've been wondering what the maternity system is like over there so I'll be watching the rest of the thread to see if anyone has any other experiences.

Many congratulations on your pregnancy, I'm sure the excitement will kick in soon and overtake the PMS-type feelings.

Hello! Thank you everyone for your posts and great suggestions and ideas.

SatinandTat, your post really resonated with me. I think your experience will be reality (however much I rail against it!) and trying to manage expectations will be a good strategy moving forward. I think to Kickassangel's point, trying to get as organized as possible will be one way of coping - thanks for the daycare tip and mentioning that doctor's can sign you off for longer if they think you need more time. Note to self - make sure have good relationship with doctor!

Berri - so glad to read you will be coming to Chicago in the summer and NOT the winter. From November - March / April it is FREEZING here. Last Friday it was minus 20C with a windchill to boot. It makes the cold we experience in the UK feel like a balmy day. The summers are hot and humid - to Grockle's point - you need air conditioning or it is miserable. But, Chicago is a great city with a lot to offer particularly in May and September! :)

I had all 5 of the DCs in the area. I was working until a week before DD1 was born (many years ago..) and decided not to go back. At the time, maternity leave was 6 weeks unpaid, which was grim. I couldn't see myself doing it, and we were just about able to survive on exH's part time salary while he finished grad school.

Tolalola's remark is so true - becoming a mother is a punishable offence in the American workplace, in a great many subtle and not so subtle ways.

Maternity set up in the US is very medicalised and maybe a bit impersonal. There's no such thing as HVs or baby clinics. You sign up with a pediatrician for well baby care and visits are every two months to six months and then at the one year mark if the baby is well. You really have to fend for yourself, battle through problems with breastfeeding, PND, etc all by yourself and make the best of it. It's hard though, when you realise there's nobody looking out for you, that it's all up to you and your DP.

There are other frazzled souls in the same boat though, and you will meet many of them if you make the effort to get out and try. The upside is that you may emerge a far stronger person than you ever thought possible, more self reliant and better able to manage, but the downside is that it takes a toll. Life with babies and small children is so much nicer when you have your good friends and relatives nearby.

And yyy about the weather. It would skin a brass monkey for most of the winter - however, Chicagoans don't care what they look like in winter, so you don't have to worry that you look three stone larger than you are when you venture forth all wrapped up against the cold.

Good luck with the first trimester blues. Morning sickness seemed to me like a sort of acute prenatal depression with nausea thrown in for good measure. Delightful , but marvellous when it finally clears.

Mathanxiety - thanks for your insights and encouragement. It is good to know what to expect so DH and I can be prepared, where possible, to be our own advocates - or at least understand the options. On the whole I've found this to be true with any medical issue here.

I suppose the upside, I haven't had personal experience of having a baby in the UK. I only have friends experiences back home and what I read on this site the compare the process to.

You are right about making the effort to get out and try. It's harder, but we had to do the same when we first moved here and didn't know a soul. The rewards were huge and we now have a good network of friends.

Loved your comment about 'acute prenatal depression'. Sorry you had to go through it, but it describes to a tee exactly how I am feeling! The fact the sun hasn't shone in days and the the temps are still cold doesn't help - but spring has to be around the corner somewhere :)

Thanks again.

Chicago winters can be very long! What part of the city are you in?

I hear you! When I opened the curtains the other day I nearly cried when I saw more snow. Believe it or not this is a pretty mild Winter too. Good luck with your pregnancy.

Grockle - unfortunately not in the city itself, out in the north west suburbs. It never fails to amaze me the difference between the two. Leave the city and you are faced with strip malls, but lots of parking, fast food and chain restaurants, but more green space and of course Costco! I've just finished commuting into the city for work and am about to start a new position locally. I'm glad, I can't imagine schlepping in on the train and then El at eight months pregnant (and in July!) I know a lot of women do it, but I'm glad I had the option to change.
You?

That'd be a nightmare. FOrtunately, when I lived in the city, I walked 2 blocks to work and that was quite manageable!

I'm in the UK now but miss Chicago a lot.