Moving to US while pregnant - insane idea?

[DollyDimpleLdn]

Hello - new to MN :) Sorry to be asking for advice straight away, but I wondered if anyone here had had a similar situation. My DH-to-be is a US citizen - he's an academic and has a two-year grant for postdoc work at a US university starting June next year (grant can only be used in the US).

We're both keen to have a kid - I'm 35, so I'm wary of postponing TTC for much longer - but I'm really worried about private health insurance, assuming I was already pg at the time of the move. From what I've read, pregnancy counts as a pre-existing condition? I'd be having to get insurance as an individual as the university doesn't give spouse benefits to postdocs, but as we'd be on one academic income (assuming I wouldn't be working for a while), we couldn't really afford to pay $1000+ a month for private insurance (even if I were eligible anyway).

My question is: would I be insane to start TTC soon (going without insurance just wouldn't be an option)? Or does anyone know of someone who's been in a similar situation and managed to find a way around it?

Thanks!

mummytime that's not entirely true about the strollers - we got a phil and ted vibe here, no probs.

Nothing, I mean NOTHING would make me give birth in the US. This is based on friends' experiences. (Academics, too - totally unable to and discouraged from taking any control over their own bodies.)
Seriously - do some reading before you think about it.

Unprune - even if you were offered free healthcare at Ina May Gaskin's Farm? Hell, I'd go through another pregnancy and birth if that were on the table...

The Farm is the exception! I'd PAY for that!

I arrived in the US 7 months pregnant and had a great birth experience.

Had a VBAC (although I did have to produce lots of info about my previous c-section) and minimal intervention. It was better in many ways than the obstetric care I got in the UK - I found the staff in the NHS to be great but the horrid dirty crowded ward, days and days waiting for an urgent operation at 20 weeks because there wasn't enough time to fit me in etc etc pretty awful.

BUT I would not even contemplate arriving pregnant without insurance. We had great insurance as part of our secondment to US but there was still a deductible of $4k for us to pay.

Private insurance is so expensive too so do your research. Good luck.

And God created Ina May Gaskin. And then said: "Damn! She's good!"

Gah. All of what you're saying is pretty much what I'd guessed. I sought out a couple of health insurance quotes for new immigrants, and not only are they eye-wateringly expensive (for this NHS-raised lassie anyway - $700 a month?! Sweet Jesus), but they all insist on a wait period of at least six months before conception, which would mean December next year at the very earliest. And I don't know if I'm prepared to risk waiting that long. And I'm definitely not inclined to go through such a medicalised system.

(Re getting married now - we're considering whether it'd be better to marry in the US on a holiday, or apply for a fiance visa and get hitched in the US next year. Marrying here doesn't seem to be an option, given current processing times for the certificate of approval seem to be at least six months anyway. )

Have you looked into getting annual worldwide health insurance from here? You can get 'backpacker packages' which seem to cover a lot, esp at the gold levels, but I don't know about pregnancy. Prob not, but worth checking out via online searches or specialist brokers. Nightmare dilemma, though, I am sorry, I must say if I was you I would ttc right now, aim to give birth here and join him asap. Though you still need to sort out the insurance issue. I would get married asap too. The certif of approval info says it is meant to take 4 weeks and if you marry in the church of engl you don't need one - could you do that?

Travel insurance packages only seem to cover up to a certain week; after that, you're on your own. I'm inclining towards the idea of staying put until any baby is born (assuming that I conceive without too much difficulty, which is a big assumption), except that I'm not sure I could afford to pay for our flat on my own, and paying for a flat in New York and half a flat in London is probably beyond the budget!

I've been an atheist since I was 8, but I'm tempted to risk being struck by a bolt of lightning and ask the local vicar if we can get hitched in that church...

HI DollyDimpleLdn - what's the latest, any further thoughts?

Know what you mean about travel insurance, my Mum's come out for a few months to stay with us in Canada, we ended up paying £3k to ensure she's fully covered as travel insurance just didn't cut it.

Sprinkly baby dust on you in the hope you get pregnant really quickly!

Is your DF aware of all of this?

Is he happy to take a job which is causing all these problems?

You are 35. It's now or never for your biological clock. Cant he wait 2 or 3 years for the sake of his whole family?

It will be cheaper and safer for you (and any potential baby) to stay in the UK for the time being. Could your relationship cope with being long-distance for a couple of years?

He can't really stay - he's only here on a work visa, and has time-limited funding for his next postdoc in the US (which he had lined up before he came to the UK). He could try and get a job here, but it's pretty crucial for him to get as much good work done as possible at this stage in his career, unfortunately, and the US opportunity will be great for him in the long term.

The plan at the moment is to try to get pg as soon as possible (thank you for the baby dust, HollyBolly ), then for me to stay put while my visa's being processed and have any kid here (assuming that I can conceive straight away, which I know is a big if), while he sublets for a while in New York. As soon as it seems possible (health-wise and legally), I'll go and join him, and he'll come over as often as possible in the meantime. Which, yeah: not ideal. But taking everything into account, there doesn't seem to be a better solution. Sigh.