How did you feel when relocating to another country became a real posibility?

[geraldinetheluckygoat]

My dh has been approaced by a company in Gibraltar, and is having an interview next week over the phone...this company has already "headhunted" a couple of other people from the company that DH currently works for and it all looks really good money wise and like its a good company to work for. We think that if he is offered the position for the money that they are talking about we will probably go for it.

I really feel in two minds. One day I love the idea, the next im nervous about uprooting the ds's (nearly six and nearly four), wondering how they (and I) will cope without seeing their extended family so much and how they will settle into new schools, and so on!
My mind is so busy with thoughts of how to find out where to live, what the school are like, how do we pack up all our stuff and get it over there, and so on. On the other hand dh might not even get the job, and then I will be dissappointed I think!! Its all driving me a bit crazy.

How did you all feel when you or your dp's started to apply for jobs abroad, did you have mixed emotions too? Did you start investigating schools/accommodation and all that before you even knew it was a certainty that you would move, or did you wait until you definitely knew? dh is so laid back an cool about the whole thing, that i think I am getting on his nerves with my "what ifs"!!

we're just going through this. At least, we've made the decision to go and everything is gathering pace.It was a really hard decision though, and even at the last minute we changed our minds against going , and then back again.

We finally realized that deep down we did want to give it a go, and felt we would be missing out on a exciting opportunity if we didn't. It's possibly best not to get too bogged down with the logistics when making the decision though - Half the appeal of staying at home for me, was that i wouldn't need to fill out all the forms, contact all the services etc which just make moving abroad such a faff.

I think you are going through exactly all the emotions and motions involved in this process.

Typically being ahead of the game is what we women do.
I think that it IS really helpful for your husband even though he may feel (secretly) overwhelmed by the fact that is may all amount to a big disappointment if it does not materialise.
By investigating all the aspects you mention, you actually do the groundwork for him and when its time to make a decision, then you would have laid it all neatly for him/all the family to make an informed decision.

Gibraltar is like to moving to another county for many of who have to deal with intra continental moves, year long school waiting lists and the prospect of another posting looming within a couple of years of settling.

So yes, the trepidation is normal, exhausting but productive. If it comes to nothing then at least you will have sent a good message: you are up to it, you do this together and and it is doable.

Admittedly, I am an happy serial expat!

I think you are going through exactly all the emotions and motions involved in this process.

Typically being ahead of the game is what we women do.
I think that it IS really helpful for your husband even though he may feel (secretly) overwhelmed by the fact that is may all amount to a big disappointment if it does not materialise.
By investigating all the aspects you mention, you actually do the groundwork for him and when its time to make a decision, then you would have laid it all neatly for him/all the family to make an informed decision.

Gibraltar is like to moving to another county for many of us who have to deal with inter continental moves, year long school waiting lists and the prospect of another posting looming within a couple of years of settling.

So yes, the trepidation is normal, exhausting but productive. If it comes to nothing then at least you will have sent a good message: you are up to it, you do this together and and it is doable.

Admittedly, I am an happy serial expat!

Excited and terrified in equal measure. When I did the sums and realised we would have to sell "my" house for not much "profit" as renting wasn't viable, I had sleepness nights.

I certainly started doing my homework early on, researching schools and nice areas to live, housing costs, tax rates and healthcare etc.

Tbh I cried because I didn't want to go.
Am now two months into expat life, the kids are loving it, and secretly I'm really enjoying it.

thanks for the advice everyone. it certainly is a lot to think about, I dont see how you CANT think about it really! I think if he does get the job we may end up moving accross the border to spain as property seems very expensive in Gib, but we'll see. It blows my mind how little I know about any of the areas. Although I have spent time away from my hometown here when I was younger at uni and on gap year and so on, I came back to an area I know very well to have the kids. moving somewhere with no frame of reference is certainly going to be a steep learning curve! HOw did you all find out about the areas you wanted to move to?

Slim22 are you in the forces/do you live in gibraltar? I would love to hear your experiences is so?
thanks all for listening to me witter on...

Good morning!
Not in gibraltar nor the forces. Am currently gmt +7 in Asia. In this country for 3 years and moving to another asian country in a couple of months.
Dont get me wrong, its hard being away from home, not having family around and seeing the children missing out on family reunions. But eventually you'll get that for the rest of your life so just make the most of the experience on hand.

And agreed its just impossible not thinking about it. I was/am googling expat forums & local estate agents constantly from the minute i hear about a possible move.

Once I knew we were going I was excited. The first thing we needed to do was arrange for our house to be rented out. Then arrange the packers and storage people then a big party.
I can't remember my DH doing anything TBH, his outlook was that he'd got the job, now it was my turn. He forgot that I was working full time.
When we initially left the UK we didn't have children. We now have one. It has been simple in terms of schooling for us, DD just goes to the school that DH teaches in.
Accomodation for the first two moves were provided, our last two have meant me finding us somewhere.

I literally arrived in my new country 3 weeks ago which is also a move for DH's job. I have to say my initial reaction was 'yes lets go for it!' I have a now 3.9yr old DS and a 2.3yr old DD and for a while it's hit me that DS starts school next september and the DD the following year and i even though i only worked 2 days a week they were 12.5 hr shifts and often nights and weekends and i felt like i just didn't spend enough time with them or when i did i was exhausted from work, so moving abroad seemed like the perfect opportunity to not have to work and spend more time with them and i just never really thought about anything negative. I thought perhaps the reality would sink in as we got closer to the move but it honestly never did.

The way i see it is it's an adventure for 2 years. I don't know if it's maybe because there are already people from Dh's company over here so i knew that right from the word go i would have contacts and we've been lucky that the company have sorted a lot of the essential things out for us and paid for a relocation company to help us find a house and preschool etc but it's not exactly an 'easy' country to live in (we're in Asia) and communication often involves a lot of pointing and shrugging of shoulders but we're getting there and picking up new words every day! The children are also enjoying it which i'm really happy about and so far so good.

I think all the questions you've got are perfectly natural when considering such a big step for your family. I think i'm just a bit odd that i never really had any concerns although i've no doubt i would if it was a permanent relocation. Both are sets of parents also live 2.5 hours drive away from where we live in the UK so while i'm very close to my mum it's really not like i see her every day so therefore don't miss her as much and she's coming out here for 2 weeks next month!

Good luck for your husband's interview next week. If he gets offered the job he should definately negotiate a good relocation package with them which should hopefully involve a trip out there for you and the children if you wish, to check out things like schools and houses.

Good luck and let us know how you get on

how exciting, Missymoon! Good to hear that the kids are enjoying their adventure! I hope that this company will be able to direct us to people who can help with advice on schools/ areas to live and so on. they say there is a "full relocation package"....I wonder what that means??!!

I am trying to be sensible and not get too carried away but the more I look at it the more I think it would be such a great opportunity for the whole family! Plus as Kreecher says, Im looking forward to the big party before we go!!

Thanks for the good luck wishes, I will let you know what happens! Will know more on thursday maybe after the phone interview....

I'm in the middle of this at the moment - and yes - excited and worried are the most prominent emotions!

DH works for an American company and there is the possibility of a transfer to an equivalent job over there with the good prospect of a promotion after a couple of years.

We have a DD who is 6 and a DS who is 17.

We are going over this half term for a visit to get a feel for the city (Akron, Ohio), and hopefully look at the type of house we could afford and at schools etc.

The transfer wouldn't be until late next summer as DD will have completed Year 1 and DS will have finished his A'Levels.

My biggest sadness is if DS decides to stay in the UK to go to University. He'll have his dad here (we're divorced) so won't be alone and I'm sure my mum and sisters will have him to stay often but realistically we'll only see him 3 or 4 times a year over the holidays.

good luck with the visit, dizzyday! Yes, that must be very difficult with DS, what a wrench it is very hard when you think about all the people you won't be able to see as much, and especially so for you. Although, realistically, I think I only saw my family in the holidays when I was at uni, so maybe it would be the same if he went away and you were to be in this country...? I did phone a LOT and wrote a lot too. these days you can email and use facebook, etc, which does make the world a much smaller place in a way......I am sure he will still find a way of getting his washing to you at the end of each term...

Lots of Forces people, my parents included have moved to Gib, so it is not half as scary as it seems, and there is no language barrier as they all speak English.

There is no monetary barrier, as they all use sterling.

Flying back from Gib to UK isn't hard or even that expensive, so that's not a problem either.

I can't drink the water there as I end up with the runs for three weeks afterwards, and if I have a fizzy drink it has to be from a can and not concentrate and no ice. Apart from that, no problems.

It can be cold and dank when the Levanta descends.

I lived in Gib but ages ago. For me it wasn't an easy place to settle as it's very cliquey - all the people my age had grown up together behind the closed border so were extremely close, and I wasn't a part of any particular group as wasn't in the forces. I was very happy to leave, it was extremely claustrophobic. But that was a long time ago and I didn't have children or a dh - I was on my own and lonely.

Anyway since then I have done loads of overseas moves. The most recently where I am now, but this followed on from another overseas move that was terminated abruptly after three months due to circumstances entirely beyond our control. For that reason, I did think VERY hard about moving here. In the end we went for it and on balance I am glad we did but it hasn't been easy.

IN terms of preparation, do as much as you can before making a final decision - including going to visit if you get the chance. Definitely go and look at schools, houses etc well in advance of the move. Also check out what is available in the shops to help you decide what to bring with you. As you are in Europe it will be easier for you to fly home but you might be suprised by what is or isn't available locally.

To prepare the dc's, look at youtube videos, pictures etc. Talk about what they will see there, the monkeys, the history of the Rock etc. I think the more they know about it in advance, the easier the move will be.

At their age, it's a fantastic experience and way beyond any educational experience they will get at home. Just learning about other cultures is so valuable and will help them throughout their lives. And from Gib you can spend loads of time in Spain (ah the food!) and Portugal, plus it's really easy to get to Morocco from there.

Good luck!

thanks for telling me your experience strandeadatsea! I have heard that Gib can be incredibly cliquey, particularly forthe kids going to the schools as they aren't local. It does worry me but I guess if we do go, it is good to be forewarned. I am fortunately quite good at forcing people to be friendly to me!!

I hope that as the kids are so young, they will have more chance of getting on ok at school.

Also we would be going over as part of a rapidly growing internet company, that is recruiting from various countries, and several from DH's present company. They hold social events for the employees and invite the kids and wives too, so I am hoping we wil lbe able to get to know people there besides the ones we already know.

Thanks Scareyteacher for your help too, didnt realise the water was dodgy - how do you get round that in every day life, do you have to buy all water, even for cooking? I would be utterly rubbish at remembering to have enough water....

So anyway dh has had his phone interview, and we think it went ok, but havent heard any more yet...he had it yesterday morning so we will see...

My mum had to boil water for me and keep it in the fridge. Not every one is affected, but it gets me every time.

Good luck for your DH, hope he hears soon.

We can't drink the water here so we have a water dispenser with a big water bottle on top of it. I'm sure you can get those in Gibralter.

Dizzy - have you considered taking your son with you? Community college is a great place to start the college experience and then he can transfer to a school such as Ohio State.

ahhh ok. Hadn't thought of a dispenser....good to know you can just boil it too...god I am such a rookie...maybe it's better for gibraltar if he doesn't get the job

Oh good luck.

We are on our second stint overseas. And loving it.

Yes, its very up and down.....but I figure we are all richer for it in terms of life experience. My kids have a breadth of understanding beyond England that is amazing.

Whats the worse that could happen....you come back after a while?

If you never try, you never know.

Good luck!

ps if you've got young kids its loads quicker & easier to make friends

My ex didn't tell me he was looking for jobs, he just told me he had got one and in no moment asked whether I liked the idea.

If I were to do everything again, the question that would be at the forefront of my mind would be "And what's in there for me?", children and a house with flowers it is sooooo not the right answer. That should be nice enough in the current setting but it may become unbearable if you feel isolated in a foreign area.

The children will be fine, he will be fine, but what would you be doing without your network of support? (close friends, family, things you are used to, etc).

Talk to other expats living in the same area, ask them how have they find it in terms of settling down, finding friends, getting jobs, etc. etc. Start looking into schools imediatly, you don't want to get there and find that there are not many children facilities in the area, or that the offer to entertain them is far less than attractive.

Hi Geraldine Dp and I moved to Gib for his work nearly 18 months ago. I do like it over here and don't find Gib as cliquey as ppl make out, you just need to put yourself out there. It is a small place so can seem like your first day at a new school.

But we are really happy over here, and it's not that far from the UK, I am still 2.5hours away from my Mum it's just a plane trip rather than the train!

We live in Spain as properties are a lot nicer and cheaper, also cost a living is lower, £2 for a cucmber in Gib Morrisons

If you have any more questions then just ask. We came over twice before we made the move, once for a general look about, then for a home search.

Thanks Fishym2b and everyone else for your replies! Looks like dh probably hasnt got the job...they said ten days and tomorrow is the last day ah well, life goes on and it was a nice dream while it lasted Looks like we go on living in our crumbly house with working our arses off instead . I will be back if things change, though its looking unlikely tbh! Thanks everyone for all the advice.