how to build a successful life as an expat (trailing?) wife...

[ExpatAgain]

any tips? no-nos? Used to work in the UK and miss it (not got right to work here), life v busy sorting house/kids/sch run etc but fairly lonely & boring. Mums mostly seem to work here (childcare so cheap) so not so many around.
thanks.

Depends on where you are and the age of your children.
I have trailed my DH to Oman (place of DD's borth), Thailand, Switzerland and now Belgium.
Is your DH/P employed by a large company or a small one? Is it a difficult country to live in or an easy one? Language issues? When you say help is cheap, I am thinking either ME or FE.

Sports club? I took up tennis, and have a lot of acquaintances through that, and one close friend. Having a couple of lessons booked each week gives you some structure and because you are there at the same time every week, you see the same faces over and over.

Voluntary work? A course at university? I know what you mean about needing some intellectual stimulation, but I think that's the same for mums, esp ones who have worked and enjoyed their work, wherever they are

OU

Also doing a lot of yoga....it's addictive.

Can you do internet based working?

Have you thought about teaching English?

unless you're in the USA, it's pretty straightforward for native English speakers to get a work permit to teach English anywhere in the world. (Usually you find the job first, and then your employer will sort your papers for you). It's actually very rewarding, great fun and a good way to meet people...

Whereabouts are you? Per your comment re. childcare, I'm guessing Asia somewhere.

My advice would be just to make the most of it and do the stuff you never get time for in "real life"

Stuff I have done

• Voluntary work using my "real job" skill set- basically providing free accountancy/ book keeping- I'm a CA (remotely for UK charity and "on the ground" in the Middle East). Most charities are up to their necks in expat cake bakers and tin shakers but if you have skills like finance/ marketing/ website maintainence/ legal etc, you will likely get snapped up as if you'll do it for nothing, you save them a lot of money.

• Yoga- did it 3 times per week and was quite satisfying to actually get fairly good at it.

• Tennis league/ Boot camp/ athletics club/ book club

• Language and Chinese history courses

• Online writing courses (Gotham Writers Institute)

I agree it all depends on where you are.

And if you have any skill/passion?

Some freinds paint (some ven sell), are taking parts in photo books publications (usually selling for charities), write, set up scottish dancing classes, baby singing, toddler groups, second hand shops in their huge house (profit goes to charities so no need for permits).... Organised parties, cooking lessons, flower arrangements...
If you are qulaified you can do hairdressing at home, massage, aromatherapy, yoga, pilates.... Be a doula?
support english students

Set up a blog: help for expats, you ups and down.... tips for living where you are, philosophy...
Do you like photography? you can aim at doing a small book of "wonders" of your new place.
Contact your ambassy or the british council, they usually have a list of libraries, charities, language lessons, expats groups,
Same with cultural centers or institutes.
I concur with the yoga!

Any kind of lessons you can take will help you meet people. (even if you don't speack the language for sports) I did aerobic in japanese not that difficult to follow

What about your children school? may be they need help (I know some mums who have a part time job through that route, teaching or admin)
You can google expat + your town (or country) and see if there is anythig already organised.

A huge number of them do help their husband at work though, PR... Not the best route (usually unpaid slave, some paid at the local rate, and it doesn't make them and their couple happy IYSWIM, but as a last resort..

Go to www.expatexpert.com a website set up by Robin Pascoe with lots of ideas and support for trailing spouses. she's written a number of books too.

I agree with all of the above. Have been an expat wife for a year now having worked all my life and found it necessary to fill my time to save my sanity!
Cooking courses, helping at school, getting fit, bookclub, helping new arrivals settle... The key thing I have found is to keep busy and I try to have something planned every day.

Trailing spouses round here do one or more of the following (am in Bangkok):

Small businesses, eg importing Christmas decorations and selling them, fancy dress rental, cake making

Voluntary work at one or more of the many many worthwhile organisations around

Studying through open university

Courses - cookery, language, photography, yoga, art

TBH, I haven't met that many women who don't do some form of work outside the home, even its voluntary, life is too boring I think otherwise given the cheapness of childcare and homehelp.

I'm learning to ski, have started golf lessons, have a personal trainer and go to a book club (and fail to read the book but drink coffee)

God I'm a walking talking cliche

You need to make some reason why you HAVE to get out of bed every day, get dressed, look respectable. It's not enough to have something to do, it has to be something that if you don't do it people will notice.

Me, I have young children and can't / don't work. I have worked quite hard at making a big, busy circle of friends. I'm not saying it is terribly cerebrally chalenging, but if I were to spend a day in my pajamas there would be people asking what was up. For me, that is what helps me to still feel like a member of the human race.

I have been doing the dumb expat wife stuff too - sewing lessons, cookery courses, tennis, running club, but that stuff is manufactured. It doesn't really need doing. If I never did a single bit of it again it would barely register. If I dropped out of my social circle though it would matter.

Its not easy at first. I've been a trailing wife for 5 years now having given up a good career to move abroad due to DH's work. At first I was at risk of going stir crazy as there was no chance of me working in my 'normal' profession. I spent a few years doing distance learning courses and gained a few qualifications and last year I set up a baby and toddler signing class which is now in its 4th term and getting quite successful. I also sell greetings cards and childrens books and other fundraising things for charity.

I very briefly tried the tennis lessons and that kind of thing but not really me. A lot of the wives here (we all live on a big expat compound) are more than happy to spend their days popping to the gym or doing coffee mornings but not for me.

Good luck

thanks, all for the good ideas. Am trying some - tennis, book group, running, helping a bit at school. I am meant to be studying also (UK online course) but not had proper access yet to get into it.
i'll check out the british council etc for expat links and voluntary work.

my time as a trailing spouse (horrible description!) is soon coming to an end and i now find myslef hugely enthusiastic about doing all the pottery lessons etc etc that i have avoided like the plague

i guess now i know i will re enter the 'real' world, all that stuff seems like a luxury. so am going to go mad on tennis lessons and music classes and coffee mornings! told DH that i was going to become a joiner and he was like seriously? after bitching for 10 years, NOW you are going to decide you LIKE being an expat wife???