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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

Original poster

eek, we have to decide whether to move from scotland where we love, or copenhagen...

32 replies

twooter · 07/09/2010 20:42

dP has been offered a job in copenhagen. When it was just in the offing, i was very excited, thought it'd be good experience for the dc etc. now he's been offered it, i'm just wondering if we're mad to consider moving away from what we've got

OP posts:
moragsoverhereplease · 07/09/2010 20:51

It doesn't have to be a permanent move just treat it as an experience to enjoy. Copenhagen/Denmark is a great place by the way, it is not that far away and friends and family will enjoy to come and visit you. You regret what you don't do more than anything you ever do.

Original poster
twooter · 07/09/2010 22:05

yes, those were the main arguements for going - out of anywhere we could end up, copenhagen seemed like a good choice. trouble is, we don't HAVE to move anywhere, and the place where we are is lovely, if a little quiet, and we have good schools, and lovely friends.

now we've started looking at the schooling etc, it looks so much scarier - ie, will my dc ever cope slotting back into the scottish system if we do return.

i guess i feel really mean even considering it, because they're all so happy at the moment, and it's a real unknown as to where we're going.

OP posts:
BaggedandTagged · 08/09/2010 01:56

How old are your DC? If they're primary school age, I'm sure they'll slot back in pretty easily. If they're at GCSE or A-level stage then it's more of a consideration.

I'm of the opinion that we're going to live in an increasingly international world and that if children get the idea that it's totally normal to live overseas for periods of your life, and gives them the confidence to consider that, then that's a good thing to instill in them.

Mooos · 08/09/2010 02:56

Why not step outside of your comfort zone and have a wonderful family adventure. Denmark is a great country and the Danes have a very similar sense of humour to the Scots: very dry. What a great opportunity and Scotland will still be there for you to return to.

"May all my regrets be things I've done and not things I'd wished I'd done."

Original poster
twooter · 08/09/2010 15:02

they are primary age, and this is probably as good a time to move as there ever will be.

oh heck, i'm just scared Confused

OP posts:
BaggedandTagged · 09/09/2010 05:27

It's fine to be scared- it's a step into the unknown and a scan through this forum will show that it doesnt work out for everybody. It's better to acknowledge your doubts and deal with them than to be in denial about the challenges of moving overseas (and there are ALWAYS challenges- you'll laugh about them afterwards Grin)

That said, it's not an irreversible decision. You can move back if it doesn't work out and Scandanavia is so beautiful and so underrated IMO.

SlobbyBOB · 09/09/2010 05:35

Do it. I have worked overseas most of my working life. It really broadens ones outlook.

Taxes will be high though.

LongtimeinBrussels · 09/09/2010 11:54

Can understand your concerns but I think I'd give it a go. As BaggedandTagged says, it's not an irreversible decision. Scandinavia is beautiful though I wouldn't say Denmark is best example of that beauty. We spent a week on the beaches of southern Sweden this summer - just a bridge away from Copenhagen.

Also, the Danes are lovely people - very welcoming and friendly.

geraldinetheluckygoat · 09/09/2010 13:43

FWIW, when I was volunteering in Greece after uni, there were lots of Danes there, and they were fantastic! Great outlook on life, very confident, very independent, friendly and very very fun loving. A couple of year later I went and travelled round to visit a few of them with a friend and I loved Denmark. People there seem to have a similar sense of humour to the english, they had a great outlook on life. I think if those sorts of things rub off on your kids and they get the benefit of being in the Danish school system, I'll bet they will fit back in else where really easily. I say go for it, but I know how you feel, DH has a vague job offer abroad, and it is bloody terrifying!!

expatinscotland · 09/09/2010 13:45

I'd go to Copenhagen like a shot.

GetOrfMoiLand · 09/09/2010 13:48

Christ, I would go to Copenhagen without a backwards glance.

You can always come home again. Go for it.

Original poster
twooter · 09/09/2010 19:02

thanks for all your replies. I know that whatever we decide, i'll feel better for having made a decision. If i could leave next week, it'd be easy - i just hate being somewhere when i know i'm about to move on.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 09/09/2010 22:09

It is tough, two. I have done it all my life. There is no place I've never felt was permanent. So instead I've turned it around, to be a challenge. Treasure each and every day that we or I are there, for however long it is, always stop and smell the roses. Take note of the most inconsequential thing. Take nothing for granted. I wish this were whatever lesson I was supposed to learn in this life, for it's ever been innate to my very nature.

I've always thought if there were signatures on here mine would be the line from the Robert Frost poem: 'Nothing gold can stay.'

The good part is that just because you move away does not mean you have to let it go, because Copenhagen is not far, I can promise you from experience it is not, and you can come back.

BUT, it deserves to be treated well and accepted in its own right, so it will treat you well and accept it, too. Because it has much good to offer. Nearly every place does.

When you leave in good heart, and not in anger, it always bodes well, and the bittersweet becomes only the sweet.

Tarlia · 10/09/2010 16:45

Very tough decision, but it is a lovely country. The schooling 'may' be an issue as children do not start school until 6 years old, BUT there are English schools which follow the English curriculum, which isn't the same as Scottish but not much different.

I guess the factors to consider are if this will be a short term or long term move and if you can afford the international school or work will help with expenses.

However, if it could be longterm then I would encourage going into the Danish schooling system as language is fantastic for children.

I wish you the best of luck :-)

Original poster
twooter · 10/09/2010 23:03

hmm, just spoke to someone who has moved there from near us - everything seems so much more expensive than we'd thought.

i had just about got my head around going there, but i think we're going to have to go carefully over the finances and see if it works out.

And nice houses are hard to get in the right area, and the best schools are all full...

OP posts:
Mooos · 11/09/2010 08:12

twooter - sounds like you are trying to talk yourself out of it? I've spent a lot of time there and the prices are about the same as the UK. Tax is higher however I assume that would be taken into account by the employer you are going with.

Tarlia · 11/09/2010 09:46

If you are earning a Danish wage it's all relative really. Nice bonus when you go home and buy clothes etc in pounds transferred from Kr ;)

The nice thing about CPH is it is so easy and cheap to get flights to and from the UK.

Original poster
twooter · 11/09/2010 23:18

moos, - think you may be right. still going round in circles...

OP posts:
TheMysticMasseuse · 14/09/2010 10:01

I hate to put a dampener on everyone's enthusiasm but I would like to offer a bit of a word of caution. Moving away is a HUGE deal, well it has been for me, it's hard work (the move itself, organising it, the logistics etc), once you are there you can feel pretty isolated, and unless you are really really excited about going there's boudn to be days where you wonder why on earth you did it. Personally for me moving away from my friends has been really tough.

It takes a very long time to feel settled- years, imo, rather than months or weeks as many people tell you.

Otoh- yes, it can be a great experience, bring the family closer, expand your dcs' horizons etc. And as far as I know Denmark is a great country, very organised, with great schools etc.

If you do decide to go- one of my friends is a relocation agent in Copenhagen, so I can put you in touch!

QS · 14/09/2010 10:19

Will you be able to find work in Denmark? Or just your husband?

75% of women in Denmark work. Out of these, nearly 70% are working full time, 30% part time.

When we were living in London, there were plenty of things to do with children, primary age, and babies alike, as many women were sahms, or children were cared for by nannies/au pairs/childminders. There were parks and playgrounds, and plenty of classes such as crechendo, monkey music etc.
It is a bit different in Scandinavia, as most women work, children go go nursery from an early age, and fewer people avail themselves of nannies/aupairs etc. I dont know if it is also like this in Scotland.

I live in Norway, and there is nothing for children above 1 years of age (when maternity leave ends and kids go to nursery)

Unless you also plan to work, you may find that you are quite lonely in the day time, with few other women to get to know and spend time with.

It is not an easy decision to make, and I think you need to visit Copenhagen (it is a lovely city) and research a little what life in Denmark will be like for your family.

It is an adventure that is true, but you also need to find something for YOU, because you count. As well as thinking about whether your children will be happy and fit in (I am sure they do, children are very good to adapt) you need to think about what is in it for you, and if you are happy. If you are not, then it is not likely to be a successful move for your family.

I think it takes up to 2 years to be truly happy in a new place. I read it somewhere, I cant remember where. So if you do give it a go, you need to give it at least a few years. It took my husband 2 years to settle in and actually enjoy life beyond the arctic circle..... He has now joined the red cross mountain rescue team.

TheMysticMasseuse · 14/09/2010 11:28

Amen to everything QS says.

Original poster
twooter · 20/09/2010 22:20

Thanks QS, you've given me a lot to think about, (and expressed some of my fears). STill going round in circles...

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sunnydelight · 21/09/2010 07:56

Copenhagen is gorgeous, but I still remember my shock at the price of a beer and the ticket from the airport to the city when DH and I went for a friend's wedding some years back. Don't know if it's still the same but make sure you don't end up in an amazing place strugging to be able to afford to do what you want (bit like Sydney really Grin).

Mooos · 21/09/2010 09:16

Sunnydelight, Denmark and all the Scandinavian countries were historically known as expensive however after having lived in Australia, Middle East, UK, Scandanavia over the past 10 years I find surprisingly that Australia and the Middle East have proved the most expensive. (Remember you need to take your purchasing power ie your salary in to account).
Personally, I was most horrified at how expensive Australia was.

overthemill · 21/09/2010 10:11

fwiw, we recently met a Danish family at a big family party. I was fascinated by their lifestyle which sounded to me to be perfect. They lived just outside Copenhagen and had a house on a lake with a boat and all manner of cool things to do. Although well off (both doctors) they clearly didn't spend heaps of money on 'stuff' they have 4 kids and a 3 bed house and every sunday is family day - seemed to be the norm - i yearned for their life in a kind of nostalgic way - their kids were happy and with excellent language skills. they went to state schools.

we are moving to france soon - for reasons like wanting a different lifestyle and to get dd bilingual (like her dad). You can do it though scarey - look at expatica and see if their is a danish bit you will get help their.