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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

Who pays when you visit the UK?

25 replies

googietheegg · 30/08/2010 07:57

I don't want this to sound like I think anyone should help pay when we visit the UK, but I'd like to know what you all think....

We're planning a trip back and will see various family members in different parts of the UK, my ill brother, a couple of clients....etc etc We're trying to work out how we can afford all the petrol, overnight stops, trekking around to see everyone without it being just dashing around and nothing of a break for us - just stressful motorway and coming home ?2k lighter.

Both my folks and my inlaws are comfortably off, and know that we're not but noone offers to help at all, and we probably wouldn't even take it (they can all be rather Trojan horse about it), but it seems like they winge about not seeing us but then wont help make it easier when they can very easily afford it.

So what happens with you?

OP posts:
belgo · 30/08/2010 07:59

If you are seeing a couple of clients, can you off set the cost against tax?

If you really can't afford it, and will find it all too stressful, then tell your parents that and don;t go.

Tootlesmummy · 30/08/2010 08:01

If I want to visit people I pay, if they want to visit me they pay.

BudaisintheZONE · 30/08/2010 08:06

We as we are they ones who decided to live overseas then we pay. We also sometimes pay for family to come and see us. For instance most Xmases we give MIL a return flight to see us. I have also given my sisters flights for birthdays.

I do know what you mean about traveling around to see everyone though. It is hard. But the price you pay for living overseas.

What some friends do is rent a house somewhere and invite various people to come visit them.

googietheegg · 30/08/2010 08:36

we can't set it off against tax as our tax regime doesn't allow us to have expenses (great!)

It's not that I expect anyone to pay, it's more that I feel like our families sit at home and wait for us to go and visit them, when they've got the time and the money to do it instead.

I know we're the ones that moved, so I guess we just have to suck it up!

OP posts:
mmmperuna · 30/08/2010 08:38

Can't you stay with relatives to reduce the cost of hotels - presumably if they are keen to see you all then they would be keen to accomodate?

belgo · 30/08/2010 08:39

If you can't afford it, then limit your trips, that's the only sensible option. You really cannot expect your family to pay for you. If you didn't visit as much, perhaps your family would come and visit you instead?

BikeRunSki · 30/08/2010 08:53

My sister lives in France. My mother pays for her and her family to visit about 3 times a year and my mother flies over several times a year too. I live 300 miles away in the UK. Mum refuses to do the drive and won't use the train (has to change at Birmingham New Street and Bristol Temple Meads, which she finds confusing and stressful; this is crazy, she is a young and capable 60something in every other area of her life) but expects to see me and DS several times a year. A return trip costs me £80 in fuel - which is a lot of my monthly disposable income of £200. She has never offered to pay.

As Belgo has sugguested, I have tried limiting my trips and get loads of grief about it.

Othersideofthechannel · 30/08/2010 08:56

We pay to get there and stay with family/friends.

When we visit parents, if we go out for a meal or to an attraction with them, they pay for us. They have always been better off than us and always did this, even when we lived in the same country.

It's not easy for my parents to travel because they have lots of animals. I am sure they would offer to pay if we couldn't afford to visit them around Christmas.

castille · 30/08/2010 09:04

We usually pay for our own travel. My parents paid or contributed a few times for us to come to big family events, or when they would have come to us but couldn't because my Dad was too unwell to travel.

These days we have a permanent travel fund set aside.

MmeLindt · 30/08/2010 09:13

We pay. Or rather at the moment the company pays travel costs, flight either to home country or to alternative destination.

I have lived abroad for 18 years and have now got to he stage that we go home, stay with parents and tell everyone that we are going to be in uk for X weeks. We arrange a BBQ or day out in a park and invite all relatives and friends.

Anyone who wants to see us can come to that, or do the traveling to us. If I am driving over 1000km then they can so the 20 miles.

Obviously this is not a hard and fast rule, some friends we visit as it is not possible for them to come to us.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 30/08/2010 12:04

We do the same as MmeLindt. Luckily for us though, we've moved the Belgium so I can be at my DS house in about three hours including the ferry crossingGrin. When we lived in both Oman and Bangkok, our flights were paid for by DHs company so we only had to pay for travel in the UK. In Switzerland, it was up to us. In neither case did we expect friends or relatives to subsidise us.

BaggedandTagged · 30/08/2010 12:10

We pay when we go home (but accommodation is mostly always either with one set of parents, hotel paid for by DH's company if he's working, or friends with spare bedrooms ), and then we pay accomodation for visitors when people come to visit us in Asia(as we don't have space at our apartment and I feel bad because our parents are all retired and siblings are skint).

In terms of meals out/ tickets etc when we have guests or go home, we all argue over who will pay ("no I insist", "no really" )and go to extraordinary lengths to intercept the bill. Think it probably ends up 50/50Grin.

nancydrewrocked · 30/08/2010 12:10

DH's company pays for flights and then we have either stayed at our house or rented somewhere else (depending on whether we have had tenants) and then we give everyone plenty of notice and say "please come and visit".

I have done the trips back where we have taken it upon ourselves to do all the visting and coordinating and it is one huuuuge headache.

BaggedandTagged · 30/08/2010 12:14

Very Envy about all you lot still on the good old expat packages with flights home. We are on local so have to skulk around on flightbookers looking for good deals!!

I quite like travelling around the UK to see people, but next time I go home I'll be taking my new son for the first time, so I imagine I'll change my tune!!

nancydrewrocked · 30/08/2010 12:25

Yes - we are fortunate to have two flights pp a year, although at the moment I am back in the UK and DH is still overseas (I am pregnant at moment we will return next year after safe arrival of baby) so we are both doing loads of extra visits which is proving to be frighteningly expensive!

TheButterflyEffect · 30/08/2010 12:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HermanTheGerman · 30/08/2010 12:47

We generally pay for the transport costs back (flights or ferry, and petrol), but if I fly in and hire a car my mum will go halves with us, because she doesn't have a car herself so she appreciates being driven round for the time we're with her.

However, we only fly or drive back once a year on average, and using Easyjet keeps the costs down. My mum visits us at least once a year, and pays for her own flight; we pay her food but she would take us all out for a meal.

Obviously if we're staying with family we don't pay accommodation, but if anybody apart from my mum is putting us up we always buy a really nice thank-you pressie and possibly slip them a few quid towards electricity etc in a thank-you card.

If we share a holiday cottage with my mum she will contribute towards the rental costs and some food.

strandedatsea · 30/08/2010 15:16

DH's office pays for the flights (1x per year), they pay for any associated costs with him going in to work while we are back - eg hotel, trains etc - but we pay for everything else. And it costs a fortune - car hire, accommodation, petrol etc. But we are on overseas allowances so can afford it - although people don't think about these things when they hear about our allowances, they think we are just pocketing a huge profit while we are away!

diddl · 31/08/2010 07:08

We pay when we go & as we have to rent a place to stay we haven´t been very often.

Dad pays for his flights here but stays with us for free.

ILs arses are stuck to the sofa & they have never been here[YES!]

mousymouse · 31/08/2010 07:31

as we travel, we pay for the flight. since we stay with my parents we dont pay for accomodation but pay one big supermarket shop and maybe one night out. we can use their car so keep it stocked up with petrol whilst there but dont use the car too often, as most family/friends are around the same area.

echt · 31/08/2010 08:33

We have no flight deals so pay for our own, but have stayed with friends. With rels, they have little space, so we use hotels. When with friends buy lots of booze, clean up and take them out for a meal.

When friends come they stay with us, but will often fly out to Sydney, Uluru or Tassie.

thirtyfivepence · 07/09/2010 08:10

If my mum pays she can have unlimited ds and also pick what we do.

If we pay then we will see other friends etc. and choose to have a little family only holiday in the middle.

Mum usually pays Smile

LarkinSky · 07/09/2010 13:11

We pay 90% of the time (about 5 - 6 trips back to the UK per year from where we live in central Europe). We have a flight package which covers half of this too.

My Mum chips in for the odd flight for me and DD, maybe once a year - she also visits us about 4-5 times a year, I'm very lucky I know!

I've paid for my younger brother to come out once, as he's a poor student, and DH has paid for a poor friend to visit too, who otherwise wouldn't have been able to come. I'm talking Easyjet flights for around £120 return.

Generally, we see it as a price you pay for living abroad: we moved away, we pay to come back.

Of course, when we do go back, our outgoings are the flights, hire car & petrol, and all the shopping we do stocking up on UK bargains.

Both sides of our families very generously put us up, pay for all of our food, lavish presents on the dc, give us lifts and lend us their car if it's available so we don't always need to hire a car.

And when people visit us, we try to be just as generous and look after them similarly, and keep their costs down, to ensure more future visits!

..... However, the stress, guilt and disruption of being on a plane every month, having lots of visitors every other month, trying to spread yourself and dc equally, takes another, non-financial toll on me. But that's a whole other thread.

tadjennyp · 09/09/2010 05:27

I've been back twice with my LOs (now 4 and almost 3) from the west coast of the US in the last 2 years. My parents picked us up but after a couple of days getting over the jetlag and travel I've hired a car and been to see the inlaws and various other friends. Accommodation has been free but it does cost a fortune to get there. I can't manage the travel more than once a year on my own and next year will have another baby so perhaps the airlines won't even let me? [hopeful emoticon]

Shanghai · 27/09/2010 08:28

We pay (except for one flight a year on our old fashioned expat package!) but we stay with our respective parents most of the time - we do end up spending a fortune though - between shopping (all those things that you can only get in UK!), travelling around and eating out etc. The way I figure it is that we choose to be the ones who live abroad (though I blame my expat parents for putting travelling in the blood!) so we have to pay - my parents can afford to fly out and see us so they pay for their flights but my in-laws would find it a real struggle so we generally pay for theirs.

We used to travel back a lot more though and spend all that time darting around to see everyone! Now we have a child we have a core group of people that we see every time we're back and others who we see every other time or so - it's impossible to see everyone every time.... which reminds me I really must get in touch with the people who I'm seeing this time as we're flying back on Thursday! ... organised as always!

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