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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

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Original poster

living overseas when tragedy happens at home

11 replies

kiwibella · 13/08/2010 23:07

I just want to know how you cope with bad news when you are miles from home and it feels like a million miles away!! My grandfather's health has deteriorated over the last year however he was hospitalised last weekend and has been kept "comfortable" since. It is inevitable that he will pass away and it is likely to be in the next couple of days.

My father (in Oz) and his sisters have all arrived and most of my cousins are accessible. There is no possible way that I can get home and I'm finding it very sad and lonely not being there.

Any advice or how have you coped?

OP posts:

Portofino · 13/08/2010 23:19

for you!

It's hard isn't it! I have had a couple of family members hospitalised and then my Aunt died. You so WANT to be there and I felt terribly guilty that I didn't rush straight there. Money and practicalities get in the way which makes me feel even more guilty.

I would take comfort that your GF isn't alone - he is surrounded by people that love him. Can you get a message or something to him to give him a virtual hug or to let him know that you are thinking of him?

Original poster

kiwibella · 14/08/2010 12:03

thanks Portofino... thank goodness for email, text, and facebook! Oh, and the humble telephone :) It's awful. It's heartbreaking. It sucks big time!!!

I've been speaking to my Dad most days and therefore one of my aunts he is staying with. Hopefully my sister will go over and maybe I will feel a little better. Sometimes all of the good about being here diminishes and all you want is to be home.

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Weta · 14/08/2010 15:29

My grandfather (in NZ) died a year ago and it is very hard. I did think about rushing back but it just wasn't feasible because of the kids and everything.

The best thing for me was talking to my mum on the phone every day so that I felt I knew what was going on, and I think it also made her feel I cared. I also spoke to my grandmother a few times while it was all going on. The other thing I did was to write a few lines that my mum read out at the funeral.

Original poster

kiwibella · 14/08/2010 17:46

thanks Weta! My grandmother died last year so it's difficult going through this all again so soon... however, even more so as my grandfather wasn't expected.

That's a nice touch to contribute to the funeral. I feel very emotional even thinking about doing that! Last year, when I read my grandmother's eulogy it was beautiful because what my cousin had said was exactly my memories of her and our life. I couldn't have said things better - even though if I was there I would be up saying my two cents worth :)

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Portofino · 14/08/2010 22:01

My Grandmother is in poor health now too. I phoned tonight, like I always do on a weekend, and she has taken to her bed, as she feels "weary". I have a trip planned next month. It is a worry.

Original poster

kiwibella · 15/08/2010 03:45

oh dear, Portofino! I hope that your Grandma will be ok with some rest. It is amazing how quickly the body slows down.

My grandfather passed away today. I was amazed at how quickly my cousins were on facebook . Technology is wonderful!!!

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thelittlestkiwi · 15/08/2010 06:22

Kiwibella - So sorry to hear your news. My best wishes to your family.

It is hard being away at times like these. I left the UK knowing someone important to me was going to pass away. I'd spent some time with her beforehand, when her outlook was poor but not terminal. I missed being at her funeral- my parents went in my place.

I hope you get to spend some time with your family soon.

Weta · 15/08/2010 09:25

Sorry to hear about your grandfather, and I hope you find ways to get through this time and feel close to your family despite the distance.

Portofino · 15/08/2010 21:02

Oh Kiwibella - I'm so sorry to hear that news! Will you be able to go back for the funeral or impossible? ((((hugs))))

Original poster

kiwibella · 16/08/2010 15:28

thanks... it's bittersweet!

I'm not going back at this time. It would have been my grandfather's 90th in February and I was considering going then anyways so it will be more of a priority now. My husband is away in America and it was a long time until I could get hold of someone who could get hold of him. That was the hardest part.

My sister is in London too so we will probably do something together on the day of the funeral.

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mumoverseas · 17/08/2010 07:34

Kiwibella, so sorry for your loss. Its so awful being away.
My mum died last summer when I was abroad. I couldn't fly back immediately as DS was mid-way through exams and it was awful feeling so helpless and trying to organise her funeral from 3,000 miles away. I also felt so guilty as she hadn't met her new grandson who had been born abroad. I'd wanted to go home sooner but she told me to just come for the summer as planned and she'd get 12 weeks of us all. She died 2 weeks before we were due to return Don't think my guilt will ever go.

portofino, hope your grandmother recovers soon and you manage to spend some quality time with her

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