Moving to Oz with small children - advice in general welcomed

[lynniep]

Quick bit of background ? DH and I married 5 and a half years ago, and moved to a Sydney suburb a few months later. The deal was that I decide during that time (on sabbatical from job over here) whether I wanted to stay or not because I never really wanted to leave UK in the first place. Lived there 15 months, both working full time. DH loves it and wanted to stay. I liked it, but never really settled ? missed my dad and my friends a lot, but made a massive list of pros and cons of both and were it not for the family and friends aspect I think I would have stayed. I did enjoy the lifestyle even though I?m not a beach/sea person!! DH not sociable so family/friends aspect doesn?t affect him at all even though his mum and sister/nieces live here.

Decision was made for me when I found out I was pregnant. I really wanted the support of my family and wanted to go home. So I left and hubby reluctantly followed 3 months later. Ever since he has been pining to go back. He reads the Oz papers ever day online. He is doggedly determined to hate it here and wont make friends. My eldest is now 3 and a half and his brother is 8 months. DH wants to go back whilst we?re still young enough to resettle.

I don?t have the same pull of family I had before (the main reason was my dad whom I lost in April, but thank god we came back and he got to meet his two grandsons before he died) although I?m still fond of my step mum and mother in law. The friends I had when I left last time are still there, but we?ve all moved on and had families and I cant see them very often because of distance. I have a new set of ?mum? friends whom I?d be sad to leave, but I started again here - I can do the same somewhere else.

But I do love the town I live in. I find there?s always lots to do with the kids, the parks are great, there are lots of surestart activites and places to take them like soft play, farms etc etc. They are both at nursery now as I start back to work part time at the end of the month. Eldest is partially funded as he?s now 3. He will start school next September. Basically I find that I?m never lonely and never feel like I?m stuck with two littlies and no life, and there?s lots for them to do.

My experience of Sydney was obviously through the eyes of someone with no real responsibilies. I have no idea of childrens facilities, nurseries, school etc. All I did was go to the pub and the gym! I have no idea whether its feasible to work part time (I test software and I know theres plenty of that type of work about so probably would be)

DH keeps saying ?its not about us, its about them and whats best for them? Well, I partially agree, but this is my life too. I?m nearly 36 and I was settling nicely, but I think we could make a go of it, as long as I don?t end up friendless with two small children. I?m pretty sociable if the facilities are there to help, so I guess that?s what I?m asking. For the experiences of people who have done it with small children.

(I?m posting this on the britishexpats site too ? if I can remember my login!!)

This could have been written by me! My dh loves it here in Australia and I want to live in the UK. He keeps telling me that it is better for the dc and in a way it is, all the parks and all that jazz, but I am their mother and primary care giver as they say and I am unhappy.

Surely that must affect them? I am liable to burst into tears when someone tells me that they are going to IKEA with their sister, as I can't do that!

My dd's have NOBODY in their lives that loves them except for their parents. Nobody to show that they have gone across the monkey bars, nobody to show their new school shoes too and so on.

Today in an INSET day and almost everyone I know has gone to see their family. Obviously the holidays are hard but more for me than them.

There are many, many positives to living here, there is so much to do. Children really are children. For me it is pretty much my family that I miss. We have lived all over too, but it is different when you have children. You can't be moving them out of schools all the time.

I have made lots of friends here, and there are other immigrants here that are in the same situation so it is easier to make connections. You always have a story to tell people. You won't end up friendless!

Perhaps now would be a good time to come and live here for a year as your eldest is only three and it wouldn' affect school either here or there.

I moved out to Australia last August with DH (Aussie) and DS (then aged 20m). It was a slow start but by November I had found 2 playgroups to go to, one within walking distance. I have some friends in both playgroups - and DS is making friends too. We are 1.5h north of Sydney in a "country" town, and I have found it rather better than where I used to live in a similar sort of place in Surrey for making friends. Being English seems to have helped though!

We have it a bit different from Savoy because DH's mother is here - she lives 15mins away. There are other family members around too, varying from 40 mins to 11 hours away; and I have English friends living in Sydney, Brisbane and Cairns so we have links here too.

DH has always said that we give it until DS is 5 and then make a firm decision where to stay - but I know he would be gutted if I said "England" and I doubt he'd agree to it unless my mental health was at risk, or DS's health.

We are also lucky in that neither of us is that keen on "socialising" - we're quite happy with our own company to a large extent; but it's nice to have places to go and people to see as well (which we now have).

I think that it is largely what you make it - if you come with a negative attitude it will be very hard for you to cope as every little setback will be magnified enormously (I have had some very depressed times in the year so far).

There are people on here (and you can try other fora such as PomsinOz for more information) who can give you ideas of good family-oriented places to live, whether in Sydney or just outside.

Where we are is on a main train line, we have the Watagan Mountains within 20 mins drive, the Hunter Valley vineyards withing 40 mins, Lake Macquarie on our doorstep, the nearest beach is probably

we moved to perth when ds1 was 5.7 and ds2 was 3.7. we've been here for just over a year. for me life is pretty much the same, i go to toddlers and do the school run. what makes life easier is the weather and come the school holidays the free/ very cheap activties for the kids to do. my boys love being outside so if they are happy i'm happy.
i have made lots of friends and they have bbeen great and helped alot when ds2 had to go to hospital.
as for family my parents used to live 45minutes away from us and hardly ever helped out with child care. they expected me to drive and see them every week but it was hard work as i still had to entertain the bboys. my mil was crap and never baby sat ds2 and only ever babysat ds1 3 times ( this was because ds2 was in hospital!! so not like me and dh had a lovely time together!!)
my parents get to see the kids all the time on skype. they see pictures they have drawn, watched ds2 ride a bike without stablisers, see new shoes etc!
do what you feel is good for you but i'll not go back to life

hey ben5, how's your Dad doing now? Hope he is ok..

he had another funny spell on sunday, with the medicines but all is well thank you. he looked very well when i spoke to him on skype on saturday

oh taht is such a huge relief, isn't it! No emergency dashes home then.. or wouldn't you? I always assume that I would but I suppose it wouldn't always be possible or appropriate.