Oz/NZ and separation

[mrsspock]

This might make me recognisable but please don't out me. i am from UK, met my husband in london, he's antipodean.

we moved to Switzerland last year (his call, he got offered a job, i gave up my job, which i enjoyed) and moved here to be his hausfrau. things are ok now but last year was grim, really hated it and spend a lot of time fending off his criticism of my hausfrau skills (or lack thereof). when we met i made it clear that i would happily go to his country for a few years but didn't want to commit to a permanent move. i have repeated this over the years. the move here was based on the fact that it would be a) temporary 2-5 years and b) we could move back to london afterwards. he has now made it clear that he loves his job here so we won't move anywhere unless he finds an equivalent job and also that his intention was always to earn enough money to put down a deposit on a house in his country (i.e., no move back to uk). this is all reasonable, but i feel completely misled. i also feel that he has got me exactly where he wants me, no job, no money (just the 'allowance' he gives me..i used to be the breadwinner). So, my question is, if i move 'there' at what point am i 'stuck there' if we separate (ie because of children, dd and another one on way). i don't want to be trapped. our marriage is pretty rocky and i am worried that if i agree to a move i will be forced to stay in a country which is great but not where i nec want to be long term . obviously with dcs i don't want to divorce but i need to know what my legal rights/obligations would be ....sorry very long post.

Check out the legal situation in the country or countries concerned. ie what happens if you separate or divorce. See a family lawyer as soon as possible. Then at least you know what the scenario might be. Unfortunately if you are following breadwinner you may have little control in where you end up. You can only reiterate your preference to move back home. But I do know women who've moved abroad, separated from their partners and who've stayed on anyway because their lives are in the new country. Hope things improve for you.

Hi mrsspock. I'm in NZ. NZ (and I believe Australia) is a signatory to the Hague convention which means that one parent can not remove a child to another country which is not their "abode of habitual residence" without gaining the consent of the partner. If they do so the other partner can apply for the repatriation of those children. Although this can take 2 years to go through the process. The tricky bit therefore is to define what is the child's "place of habitual residence". My understanding is that this is not precisely defined in law but is based on specific circumstances - and not the nationality of the parents for example. It is also not necessarily the case that the child would be returned under the Hague convention - for example if it was shown that the parent applying for repatriation was not a fit parent.
I would suggest that you get hold of a family lawyer in NZ or Oz. If you want a name in NZ let me know. I have just gone through a process with a family lawyer here due to the fact that my ex-H has decided to move to the UK from NZ hence wanted to be clear what the situation would be if she was to visit him there and he decided not to return her.

Thanks buzzybee and mummer1. i was in a particularly grumpy/hormonal frame of mind when i posted but good to know what i need to do.

FWIW if he decided he wanted to move to Oz/NZ and you definitely did not want to and could not see how your relationship could last if you did then you would be better off moving back to the UK (from Switzerland) at that point and taking the kids with you. I think it would be quite hard for him to argue that their habitual place of residence was anything but the UK. Of course that's very easy to say in the abstract but would be difficult to follow through on if he said "just come out for a bit and see how you like it"!