Can I have a hand hold? Cancer may be back

[bringonyourwreckingball]

3 years ago this month I found out my husband of 17 years had been shagging escorts for at least 15 of those years. He moved out in September, in October I found a lump in my breast and 2 weeks later was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer. Treatment was long (about 18 months in total) and brutal and I had to go through a very unpleasant divorce at the same time. Exh was appalling to both me and the children. However, we got through and I was just starting to feel like me again and face a radical new future - one daughter at Uni, the other one will be going next year.
About a week ago I noticed that the breast I had cancer in had a large (maybe 2cm) dip/indent where it meets the chest wall. I went to the GP today and she has felt thickening of the tissue around the indentation which probably isn’t scar tissue because it isn’t near the lumpectomy site. I’ve been put on the 2 week pathway again.
I don’t think I can do this again.

You can do this @bringonyourwreckingball You have beaten this once and will do so again. I've been there with the whole shebang and kaboodle of breast cancer so willingly hold your hand for as long as you need it. Your future is bright - it might just need a little tweak to get you back on track!! Hugs!!

@bringonyourwreckingball It is very much easier to say than do but try not to catastrophise. You have my sympathy and empathy. I was diagnosed with TNBC a few months after you. The treatment is long and brutal, as you say, and I think that it’s only in the last six months that I feel ‘over it’ and ‘back to normal’, with recurrence anxiety receding, not gone, but not dominating. And I didn’t have a bitter divorce running concurrently.

The fear of recurrence is there, and any change in breast tissue will set alarm bells clanging loudly. My scar tissue is still changing, I have an indent, I think radiotherapy after effects are still happening. I also think there is insufficient information and discussion about the long term after effects of treatment.

You’ve done the right thing, the GP has done the right thing. IME GPs don’t have the knowledge or experience to either reassure or diagnose. The two week wait will feel long, try to keep occupied, not to spiral and be gentle to yourself. Do you have someone to talk to in real life?

It could be a recurrence; however it may not be. Try to hang on to the may not.

Available for hand holding along with Rainbow.

Thank you both. I have had an appointment through to be seen in clinic on 6 August. I am trying very hard not to panic. I don’t really have anyone to talk to and need to hold it together for my kids

I don't know what to say, @bringonyourwreckingball but offering you my hand to hold. You've really been through it, and the wait to be seen is so hard and stressful the first time round, let alone doing it again. I have everything crossed for you x

Dear @bringonyourwreckingball don't know what to say except to send best wishes and reassurance- you can do this! One day at a time. xx

Handhold from me. I had breast cancer treatment last year and the waiting is the absolute worst. Stay busy, surround yourself with loved ones who can distract you and use all your self care tools to see you through. Sending you strength, calm and comfort. Keep us posted xx

Another hand to hold here. I recognise your username. I had a TPBC in
June 2020 and a separate TNBC in August 2022. I had to dig in and do it all again and it was hard BUT it worked and I am still here. Like the wise ladies up thread I echo try not to think the worst and keep busy if you can. Once you know what is going on you can deal with it. I’ve had lots of lumpy bits since radiotherapy but they have all been harmless thankfully.
How are your DDs reacting? Have you told them?

Hope it turns out to be nothing. I did have similar to that and it was all clear. Try to distract yourself if you can and not think about it, worst case its best to know and get it treated but hopefully won't come to that.

You are most welcome to join us on our Great Recovery threads as we go through life after cancer.

Hi yes I remember you too and you are an inspiration for making it through a second time. I just don’t know how I’m going to do it alone again and without messing up my youngest who is doing a levels next year. The girls know, I will not hide anything from them. It still might be nothing of course but I don’t feel lucky

I am holding out both hands to you.
Of course you will be on high alert, cancer can knock your confidence, l was diagnosed last year with breast cancer and it is a worry, the fear of it returning.
You already know the drill, try not to over think, keep planning nice things for the future, hopefully it won't be anything to worry about

Op, I recognise your username. We posted on a particular thread at the time though my cancer was ovarian and caught early. I’m so sorry you’re going through this nightmare and if you have to go through anymore treatment there will be support and love here for you along the way. And you’re a wonderful mum, it’s very obvious because of how concerned you are for your girls. xx

You sound like a very strong woman that has been through so much. Use every single thing you have been through to give yourself the reassurance and confidence in yourself that you are a fighter. Try not to let your mind jump ahead and deal with each little moment as it arises. Sending so much love to you xx

Any tips on how I handle this with my kids if it is bad news? I can’t let this derail their futures and I also can’t leave them to deal with their father single handed

I found the best way to deal with stuff was if and when it happens. Try not to focus on the rough side of things even though it's very hard not to.. Kind of no news is good news!
If you have told your children that you have an appointment focus on the 'check up' kind of route and being checked over as part of the routine of your treatment and follow ups. But do be honest with them.
Speaking from experience I know that when are checked or followed up on something it is terrifying and worrying - then you go for a whole raft of tests - to be told it isn't anything to worry about. Nothing stops you worrying but try not to worry about it until you have something to worry about.
I don't think I've explained myself very well but still here for a hand hold. Hugs.

Hi @bringonyourwreckingball I've been thinking about you. I hope you are ok.

How did appointment go OP. Had fingers crossed for you. 🤞

Had a mammogram but it turned out that was just my post-50 screening one, got to go back this Friday for breast clinic.

Not too long to wait then @bringonyourwreckingball hopefully they will be able to put your mind at rest

Hope it all goes well on Friday.

Every day we learn more about this vile, bastard disease. We get better and better at treating it all the time. When you look at the advances being made in AI, and its role in drug discovery and drug development, not to mention medical nanobots and god knows what else, I'm sure an outright cure for breast cancer is on the horizon. Keep fighting.

You sound like a very brave person – far braver than me. I wish you well with all my heart. x

Thank you everyone who posted, it meant a lot. Breast clinic this morning and they are 99.9% sure it is NOT cancer. So relieved. I feel like I have just been handed my life back.

I am heading towards the end of treatment for tnbc. I had a mastectomy and removal of all lymph nodes. Grueling chemo and immunotherapy. I go for more tests in a few weeks. I and dreading recurrence so I totally understand how you feel. BUT it may not be that, and they are just sorting i's the waiting is the worst and if it is a reccurance then you are better placed now than you were then. You won't have a messy divorce to negotiate and you know the process and you'll get on with it and nail it !
If it is what you fear , just be honest with the children and you will support each other through it all

Ahhhh misses your update!!! So so happy for you ;)

I've only just seen your thread.

What a lot you've been through!

Brilliant news this morning!! though personally I'd be waiting until it's official to celebrate (the results shouldn't take long?!)

then I'd celebrate with the girls. A few days away if you can afford it? Or whatever you can afford.

then I'd be working on getting as much sorted in life as I could for the girls in case of any future event (getting hit by a bus), so they aren't reliant on your Ex for a home or to arrange anything. Do you have family/friends who would be there for them?

but bloody brilliant news!! 💕

Hi @Maddy70 and congratulations on getting through your TNBC treatment. You might like to pop over to the Cancer Recovery thread where we navigate the wild water and the lazy river of life after Cancer.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/general_health/5270506-the-great-recovery-part-4?page=12&reply=146100393