End of life night sits

[Dydhda]

My dad is terminally ill and has a nurse come in at night. He has a lot of anxiety at night, he is uncomfortable in the bed and is scared to be left alone so having someone watching him at night is reassuring for him and lets the rest of us get some sleep.
He is in a hospital bed and there is also a single bed in the room.
Two nights ago he woke in the early hours and the nurse was not in her chair, which is situated at the end of his bed.
He told me he thought she had left and wondered where everyone else was so he banged on the bed frame with his walking stick and called out hello. He said he heard a voice coming from the right of him say hello and when he looked over she was getting up from the other bed.
He relayed this to me after she left that morning, quite factually and he didn’t seem distressed.
Although he does have moments of confusion I don’t feel he’s confused or wrong about this.
I feel like this is a huge breach of trust, the nurses are not allowed to sleep during their shift. My dad is obviously frail and vulnerable, my mum who is deaf is also in the house. I don’t live with them but I’m close by.
If I report I guess there’s a chance she’ll lose her job, and honestly I wouldn’t want that to happen, I could confront directly next time she’s here but actually I’m not sure I want her back.
What would you do here?

She may have just been lying down, not asleep? Surely she’s not obliged to remain sitting in a chair in specific spot all night? She’s in the room with him, he’s not left alone and she responds when he needs her, that’s the key thing? Sympathy for the situation though, it sounds tough

I think that your expectation that she would sit at the end of your dad’s bed all night with nothing to do but watch him is a bit unrealistic and I am not surprised she fell asleep! I totally understand that you are disappointed that she fell asleep and you are right to think that this is not what you are paying for but put yourself in the nurses position. If there are no tasks to do at night and your dad is asleep then you will yourself feel sleepy. Can the nurse be given tasks to do to keep them alert at night - do they have a light where they sit to help keep them awake and can they read something to help pass the time? Does your dad need nursing care at night or would a sleep in carer with ‘waking nights’ where your dad can wake them by some method be better? If the nurse is from an agency it may be worth checking what is in the contract and perhaps discussing with them what you need versus what you are paying for.

I appreciate this is a difficult situation but I’m sure that nurses are entitled to breaks during their working time, like the rest of us. Rather than leaving the room she could just be managing it by having a stretch on the bed. If you don’t want them too, fair enough but I’d say it’s slso fair for them to ask for a break outside the room to use the loo, stretch, grab some food. My spine would not be happy if I spent hours sitting in a chair without moving.

If she responded “hello” as soon as your Dad called out, are you sure she was asleep? It sounds like she was just on the bed rather than in the chair (might have been comfier?).
I’d say give her the benefit of doubt and ask her.

Maybe, we were asked to supply a comfortable chair for her and of course he could have woken when she was in the bathroom or the kitchen making a drink.
I sleep in there myself if they can’t send anyone.
I do think if he got to the stage of locating his walking stick and calling out she must have at least had her eyes shut.
The idea is that they are alert and monitoring the situation, the company were clear about what should/should not happen overnight.
Both my parents are frail and vulnerable, their home suddenly has a stream of people in and out, it’s taking some adjustment at a distressing time.