My DH may not have long to live. He was admitted to a small local hospital recently to get to grips with some medications and I hoped to have him home by now
visiting is from 8am to 8pm. (But I was told I could be there after this, only once have I been there much much later and it was his day from hell). I’ve never managed to get there before 10am, and most days manage to leave for a few hours as he sleeps a fair bit in the afternoon.
he’s very scared about his current situation, he’s very much aware of his medical state, and is definitely with it.
unfortunately he’s bed bound, can’t stand, can’t get to the loo, he could do all of this two weeks ago.
he’s in a lot of pain, and I do things with him to help with that pain, ie massage, chat and help him bathe etc. anything to distract him.
but I just get the feeling they think I’m there too much, but he wants me there, I am happy to be there, can be there, and I come home and get a good nights sleep. (Maybe not tonight). He’s in his own room so we are not inconveniencing others.
so much goes on where he misses meals because he’s asleep due to medication, things like he chose something that needs eating the moment it’s presented (have asked them not to give him things like that now), so knowing that I’ll take something in when perhaps I wasn’t going to go back. I’m lucky as it’s 7mins from our house.
daily random stuff happens and I don’t leave when I was expecting to because to leave at that point would be cruel, so I stay, I help, I make him comfortable.
there was a comment made tonight by one of the more senior staff about his anxiety and about needing me, but this is a man who is fully alert to his possible end of life,
I just need to ignore that comment don’t I?
plough on through and give my love the best I can in the circumstances.
using this post as somewhere to chat, because oddly I can’t sleep tonight and too late to speak to those that care about him. Thanks for reading.