Worried how she will react 😕

[Sockmate123]

Loved one will be told tomorrow she has only weeks to live and will be moved to hospice ASAP.

I am terrified how she will react. Everyone else in the family feels it's for the best that she knows but I am in a panic about it 😕

She is talking about the future lots so I really don't think she suspects..

It’s so difficult. When mil went into hospice care we really didn’t except her to see the week out but she lasted 3 weeks and the first 10 days she talked nothing other than what she was going to do when she ‘got back home’. It was heartbreaking and no one in the family could bring themselves to tell her that she was dying. When she asked fil and bil they lied and said she wasn’t dying. It was down to my dh to do it in the end because she asked him and he just couldn’t bare to lie. It broke him to tell her this but she was grateful that he did, think it gave her peace.

Ask the hospice nurses for their advice, they are wonderful and will guide you.

I am sorry you are going through this, it’s a tough journey.

I'm so sorry to hear what you have been through.

Did your MIL not realise she was in a hospice? My loved one is fully aware of everything so they will tell her she's moving to a hospice so she will know what that means even if she asks no questions 💔💔

Maybe denial?

She knew she was in the hospice but had been in denial over her cancer for so long and was convinced she’d recover. She believed she was there for respite and for them to make her well enough to return home.

I really feel for you all. It will be tough but they are brilliant in the hospice. I suppose all you can do is be guided by them.

I hope the journey is a comfortable one for you all ❤️

Is she in pain?
If she is you could tell her that's she staying there until they get the pain controlled better.
Or just say it's for respite while x or y is sorted out eg home carers.

I don't understand why you've been told she's dying but she hasn't. Don't medical professionals have to tell the patient their diagnosis? Could a medical professional tell her? She might have questions you can't answer anyway.

If they are fully aware, why haven't they been told already by their doctor?

It depends on the patients wishes. Some ask not to be told. I had a friend earlier this year who bless her she just wanted to know treatments. It was her family and friends who knew the full diagnoses and how long she had etc. for some it scares them.

I've just re-read your op and it doesn't say you have to tell her just that she will be told so it may well be a medical professional doing the telling. When my Dad was told he had terminal cancer in hospital we were there with him. I'm glad I didn't know what the doctor was going to say beforehand (although we suspected). We just all cried together. Thinking of you op and I hope your loved one finds some peace.

Thanks for replies. I'm not sure why they told her son first. He s next of kin. He was very frustrated at lack of communication. Eventually got in to speak with the Consultant and just asked him what was going on. And while she is fully aware she is heavily medicated...when she first had stroke she wasn't aware really so maybe that's why. I'm not quite sure tbh.

Do hospices sometimes offer respite? I wasn't aware of that. That might be an angle alright...

Why does she have to be told? Lots of people go to a hospice for respite rather than end of life. Seems cruel to make a thing of telling her.

How will she be moving to a hospice if she has capacity and hasn’t agreed to it?

She will need to agree to it obviously, I think the team are just pre empting the options and her sons favouring hospice and think she will too but it depends on how the meeting goes

My mum was told in hospital that she was terminal and was moved to a hospice. They were marvellous, and she actually rallied a bit whilst there. However it was during covid times so visits were very restricted - not all her children could visit. When they stabilised her meds she came home for her final few weeks. So it is possible to go home after hospice care.
I'm so sorry you're all going through this, it's a terrible path. Love and strength to you all