My Mum has had a stroke....

[Lidlisthebusiness]

And I'm living in some sort of parallel hell world trying to figure it all out. 7 hours ago she was at my house, playing with my children. Now, she's in surgery trying to release some of the pressure and I don't understand what is happening.

She was perfectly fine, generally fit and well, and now she might not make it. My Dad has early alzeimers/dementia, and she takes care of everything. What do I do? I'm trying to hold it together for his sake, but I am broken. I recently found out I was pregnant, and haven't even told her yet.

She is the best of everything there is in a human, she spent every spare moment caring for others, it is her time to relax and live, and now this. I'm lost and confused, and I want my Mum so very badly. How do you live without your Mum? I just can't fathom what is happening right now.

I am sorry. Keeping fingers crossed.

I am so sorry for your mom. I pray she recovers from this. Take care of yourself, keep the hope, you will have your mom back home safe.

Oh sweetheart I'm so sorry. Life is very unfair sometimes. I know it feels impossible right now but you CAN do this. A step at a time, a breath at a time. Take moments to close your eyes and steady yourself. Deep breath in, and slowly out. On you go, with a virtual hug from a stranger xx

Hello Lidlisthebusiness

So sorry that you have had such an awful shock and that your mum is so unwell.

First of all, many congratulations on your pregnancy. 💐. I just wanted to say that first as it is something that should be acknowledged in the midst of all the worry that you are going through.

I hope your mum has come through the surgery ok.

And I hope you have had some sleep as you must feel exhausted.

Take a breath this morning, this situation must feel overwhelming, but try not to think too far ahead. Just take one hour, one day at a time.

Rally as much family support as you can. Do not try and do everything on your own. You need to look after yourself, your dc, and your baby too.

Wishing you strength going forward 💐

Thank you for your replies. This is all so awful, my poor Mum. I'm all over the place emotionally, don't know whether I'm coming or going and feel the panic rising at random times.

I am so sorry.. What an awful shock for you.

One day at a time. Focus now on breathing and eating a little for your baby. Look after you.

People can recover from strokes, sometimes remarkably well. Our 92 year old aunt had a major stroke at Christmas and lost the ability to speak (or move her left leg). By Easter she was astonishing the doctors by talking and walking again. Not everyone makes such a quick or total recovery but some do. Let the surgeons and hospital staff do their work, and that will also give you time to start to find out what needs to be done for your dad.

Ask for a social services assessment of your dad. You can self refer. It may take a while for them to get to him, so start the process sooner rather than later. Be honest with them about all of his needs on a bad day. Don't say that he manages X, sometimes, or with help from your mum. Say that he cannot do x for himself. And don't promise to help him any more than you are sure that you can, permanently, so that they are not relying on you. Let them judge what care he needs, whilst you concentrate on your baby and visiting your mum.

If your dad's dementia is not too severe yet he may still be able to sign a Power of Attorney consent form for you to help with his money. It's called power of attorney for Property and Finance and can be downloaded from gov.uk and filled in by you. All he needs is to understand that he is giving you the right to look after his money whilst mum is I'll. Could he do that? It becomes a bit more complicated if he can't.

Do you have a partner to support you, and siblings to help? Keep on posting here - you will get lots of good advice and support. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this now. Thinking of you.

Good advice here. You can start making enquiries for your dad tomorrow. Try and look after yourself too OP xx