End of Life care question. Trigger warning

[Globetrote]

Trigger warning

I have a question about how a person receiving End of Life care in a hospice may be like in terms of communicating via a phone.

It is a difficult NC situation so I apologise if anyone finds this upsetting or insensitive to ask.

DM is to be transferred to a hospice for End of Life care for terminal cancer and it has been suggested to me by a relative to call her (cannot visit due to distance). I do not know anything yet about how she is in terms of being alert/lucid, or whether drowsy and sleeping a lot etc from the drugs, prognosis. I am waiting on further information from a relative.

Is there a differing level of alertness for people receiving End of Life care or do most have little awareness of what is happening around them? Does it change daily and there is no real pattern? I’m wondering about if I do call will she be aware and able to hold a conversation.

Again, apologies if this is seen as insensitive. Being NC adds a layer of difficulty to how I approach this.

Ring the hospice and ask them as it can vary considerably. They maybe able to arrange FaceTime.

You will need to phone the hospice to find out whether your DM is alert, and if so whether she will want to receive a phone call from you.

People do become much more sleepy at the end of life, and this usually progresses to unconsciousness at least in the final hours. Many will have sufficient alertness to be able to have a phone on speaker, and will know you are speaking to them, but whether they will be able to make sense of it / whether it will distress them etc is very individual

@Icanseethebeach @WaitingForMojo
Thanks for your replies. I don’t know yet where the hospice will be and it’s not in the UK either but I will consider contacting them when I do. I have thought it a bit odd to just ring DM’s mobile, as suggested by relative, because if she’s going into a hospice she might not be in a position to answer it for a number of reasons.

Practically this couldn’t work for me with DM as she lost the awareness that her phone needed charging and no one on the ward took charge of it, so even if she has the ability to take a call it’s something to check - who is making sure she can still access calls, would a family member / friend / staff member be with her to support. My DM could have physically taken a call up to the last 48 hours, with phone to hand and battery.

My relative in hospice could do absolutely nothing to communicate, either in person or via phone

I think its very hard to know tbh, and especially in your circumstance I would wait for information as to which hospice it is then talk directly to the staff so they can tell you how your DM is, and discuss with her if she wants to talk to you - and suggest a best time of day if she does.

I'd just ring the hospice and talk to them. You won't know if you don't ask. Many will have some time they can talk, for sure.

My mum could not have used a phone or Face Timed - she lost all speech but was also very tired and could not maintain focus. Seeing me and not being able to touch me or talk to me would have upset her more.

I was actually shocked when my dad was on end of life care because he called me every single morning at 9 am to tell me he was up and about getting ready for his busy day and that he loved me but was very busy so couldn’t chat long (the nurses told me the rest of the time he was asleep and that after the calls he was immediately sleeping again 😭