Liver cancer - some kind words please

[rosesformum]

Mum has been diagnosed with secondary liver cancer - she had breast cancer 4 years ago. She has significant metastatic deposits and not a good prognosis. She has already started to lose a lot of weight. She is already in some pain.

My mum has always been so, so strong. She's not had an easy life but has always held her head high and got on with it - she is the life and soul of the party. I'm not ready to see her decline and become so unwell - I can't think of my proud mum so fragile. I dread the day she has to feel terrible pain, and feel as if she's losing her dignity.

She still has so much she still wants to do - with the early pension payout because we've never had much money to do it before. I don't have it in me to tell her that we may not have the time. I couldn't stand to see the realization on her face.

I am scared to go to sleep every night because I worry the next day she will be worse - until one day I wake up and it will be obvious that it's time to go.

I don't have anywhere to go with this because I'm an only child, and I can't show her that I'm scared because it'll make her scared for me. When she was diagnosed she told the Macmillan nurse that she was ok - she just didn't want to leave me. I told her that I would be ok but I lied. She hasn't been perfect but I don't know who I am without her.

Im trying to be strong and take it day by day but I'm just not ready for my mum to be gone. I'm 27 and she is just 60. I am absolutely terrified of the months to come, and not sure how to put one foot in front of the other even today.

Some wisdom, advice, or even just support would be appreciated

[Limesodaagain]

I am so sorry. I haven’t got any advice but I am your dear mum’s age and I have children your age. You sound like such a loving and wonderful daughter and I’m sure your mum gets so much comfort and takes pride from knowing she raised such a lovely human being.
I hope there are others on here that can offer advice about support available etc . Take care of your needs ( you can’t support others if you’re not sleeping etc ) Go to the doctor if sleep continues to be difficult. Give yourself and your mum little treats each day - focus on the simple pleasures if possible. Xx

[Pancakeorcrepe]

OP, I couldn’t read and run. I’m also the daughter in this situation. It is an emotional rollercoaster. I’ve been through several states of mind through it all, including the darkest of fears, and have found the only thing that helps is to literally take it day by day. I’ve been spending time with my mum and following the lead as to what is possible or not for her on that day. We both focus on enjoying the moment and try to not think about the future because you could drive yourself nuts trying to predict what is going to happen, how and when. But no one knows because each case is different. I’m a bit of an organiser so spent lots of time doing research, planning for different scenarios etc but it scared me even more. Now we just focus on the day to day. I’m sorry you’re going through to this. You will be OK x

[Dewdilly]

Are you able to get a second opinion? Are there any trials she would be eligible for? It might buy her some time. Either way, get in touch with palliative care at your local hospice - and they should be able to help with pain and symptom management, and help for you too.

[Justanotherusername27]

I’ve lost my mum recently to cancer. It wasn’t the same situation as we thought it would be a long time until we lost her but it happened very quickly (completely different cancer/circumstances so please don’t let this scare you!)

Hopefully you won’t be in my position for a long long time but just reflecting back I tried to be strong for my mum and didn’t tell her how scared I was and tried to be really positive and act normal. One thing I didn’t do ,because I didn’t think she would go so quickly, is tell her how much I love her and what a great mum she is until the end where she couldn’t respond properly. I wish I told her how much I love her. She knows but she didn’t hear it it normal conversation, I wish she did. Message me if you need anything x