MIL Bday Pancreatic Cancer

[Wingingit07]

Hi All

We are visiting MIL for her birthday, travelling 7 hours (me DH and DS). She's just been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer so I really want to give her an extra special birthday. She's doing well at the moment but quite tired to go out and do anything...she is eating still just not large amounts but appetite is still there. Therefore we will most likely be at their house for the day. Can anyone think of any little things that can be done throughout the day to make her birthday special as I am fully aware it could potentially be her last (hopefully not). In the past we have done silly little things such as decorating her chair she sits on and making her a fancy morning tea on mother's day ...anything like that, that you've done in the past? My brain is at 0 at the moment and other then being present and playing some board games I can't think of anything
Thankyou

My DH had pancreatic cancer and for his last birthday I made him a photo book including photos of his childhood, our children, grandchildren etc. He loved it and spent a long time looking through it over the next few months.
On his birthday we made him wear a birthday candle hat, sang his favourite songs, played a few games etc. I think he enjoyed just being with all his family as he was fully aware that it would be his final birthday.

@Sawitch that's a lovely idea re photobook and I hadn't thought of that. Thankyou, I am going to get on and do that. Also some props such as candle hats will make her laugh too, great idea. I really appreciate it, my brain is starting to flow again!
I'm sorry to hear pancreatic cancer was within your family too😔

My Mum had pancreatic cancer. Once it's diagnosed it progresses really quickly. My Mum was told she might have 3-4 months. She had wanted to see her great grandchild born. She died after 6 1/2 weeks. On her last birthday we made her a memory box. All of her 5 DC wrote out their 5 favourite memories of them with Mum and 17 dgc did 3 each. They were all folded up and put in a pretty box with roses on. Over her birthday week Mum pulled out and read them all. She cried because she loved them so much.

Gosh, that's a lovely idea. Made me well up though! 😓

My younger sister thought of it. I can't claim credit for that but it was a lovely day.

@caringcarer thank for your reply, that's so lovely and I'm going to copy that idea.

We are at the start of it, currently awaiting results to find out what stage. MIL is hopeful of whipple surgery but I have read that not many people are offered this treatment. We do know it is confined to just her pancreas at the moment. I hope you don't mind me asking what stage your mum was when diagnosed? I'm trying to understand and process it all, but it just seems that pancreatic cancer is very aggressive. I read little success stories of people going on for plenty more years :(

Another suggestion- record your mums voice. Ask her questions about youth, things you want to know.

Get a nice blanket done with family photos on it as she will need blanket alot.
My mum died of pancreatic cancer feel free to pm if you want any advice.
Ask her is there anything she would like or want to do.

My auntie had pancreatic cancer. She was given 4-6 months but lasted 12.

We waited for her to mention the child she had given up for adoption (meanwhile I was trying to find him) but she never did.

Just make sure that you say everything you need to and give her the opportunity to say anything she wants to say.

Hello, my mum died of pancreatic cancer last year, so I have some experience of this. It did progress very quickly - when my little one was born, she was to all appearances fit and healthy. She was diagnosed shortly after, and dead within a year. For her last birthday, like a pp, we also created a photo book, and we gave her lots of funny family photos in frames for when she was sitting and lying mostly in one place. My mum enjoyed home made mini treats - she found eating tiny bits throughout the day worked best for her, so I made mini jam tarts for her to snack on for her birthday. She lost weight quickly and got cold easily, and her feet swelled, so soft warm wrist warmers, and soft warm large socks were good gifts. We played some silly games, and she enjoyed watching her family having fun, even when she was too tired to do it. Do ask her what she wants as well. My mum wanted to keep things as normal as possible for as long as possible, which meant she didn't want a huge fuss for her birthday and things - obviously you know your MIL and what she would like. Wishing you all the best.

My Mum was diagnosed at beginning of stage 4 . This is the most common stage of diagnosis for pancreatic cancer. It's notoriously difficult to diagnose. My Mum went to the GP several times. The GP suggested indigestion initially and prescribed antacids. She went back to the GP and sent her for a camera down her throat. It didn't show anything. Things did not improve so she went back again. Then she was sent for an MRI scan and it showed cancer of pancreas. It never spread to other areas of her body. My Mum went to GP first in late March. She was diagnosed by mid August. She was in hospital for about 10 days. A consultant told us it was too advanced to operate on. Very few people have Whipple surgery. Very few people are diagnosed before late stage 3. She came home hoping for 3-4 months because she would have loved to have met her first great grandchild. Sadly she died in early October. The baby was born late November. My sister's and I cared for her at home in shifts of 2 sisters during the day, 2 sisters during night, 1 sister day off. We rotated around. A district nurse came every day and she was put on a morphine driver for the pain in her last month. She stopped eating before she went to the hospital. She had this tube down her throat that sucked gunk out of her stomach. She said she felt better afterwards. She did try to sip high calorie drinks for a week or 2 after she came home. Then just a few sips of water. She couldn't eat or drink at the end. We had to use a sponge lollipop to wet her mouth every hour. She wasn't in pain or afraid. She had a strong faith. Everyday we wondered if it would be her last day. I read her short stories from a magazine. My younger sister gave her a foot massage. We played her music we knew she liked and she had her favourite flowers to look at. She slept a lot in her last week. She died with all her 5 DD's around her. She did lose almost 6 stone in weight over about 8 months. I'm sorry your MiL is having to deal with PC. It really is one of the worst cancers in terms of survivor rate. Get your DH to spend special time with her whilst he still can.

Thank you all for the ideas and sharing your experiences. I cannot believe how kind you have been to comment and help support. I was unsure whether to post, as I never know how to write things but I am so glad I have. I feel a little bit more 'together' now then I have been for the last couple of weeks and we feel not so alone in all of this. You are all truly wonderful people to get through such experiences and to be able to help others such as myself going through the process with my family. Thank you all for the ideas x

Hi @Wingingit07 my father was just diagnosed today, so we are all processing this news which (probably the same for everyone) we hadn’t expected. It has been really help to read this thread this evening x

Just to offer my support to op and previous poster. I have started a thread about wipple surgery last summer, found it incredibly helpful and shared my experience there (it can be found somewhere in this section). If you mil is offered it, this can really affect the prognosis. My dad was diagnosed last june, had wipple in july and is currently undergoing chemo. We were told that without surgery he had about six months.