I'm struggling so much today

[HeyHoTheWindAndTheRain]

I’m struggling so much right now. We were due to have my darling dad over for Christmas this year, but four weeks ago he was diagnosed with terminal cancer (a complete surprise) and he’s currently laying a hospital bed over an hour away.

My parents are divorced so we have cancelled all our plans and come to my lovely mum’s house for Christmas. She is trying to make everything normal but I’m just so sad that I can’t be bothered with anything at all. The Christmas music is playing and the presents are ready to be unwrapped but I’m breaking inside. And the talking - so much talking about normal stuff - it’s unbearable. I’m trying to keep smiling and chatting but I feel as though I’m ruining Christmas for everyone.

We are driving over to see him later and have presents and do on - I’m looking forward to seeing him - but then we will have to leave him to return here and Christmas. I suffer from poor mental health anyway but I feel as though I’m underwater right now.

How the hell do I get through this?

[FutureUncertain]

It’s so hard. DH has terminal cancer. I look at DC and want to weep. They are happily looking at their gifts, and I’m holding back the tears knowing next year will be very different.
You are not alone

[Topee]

I’m so so sorry

[bloomingheather]

I’m so sorry @HeyHoTheWindAndTheRain
My mum is in intensive care on a ventilator in a hospital far from us at the moment and is very ill. Her prognosis is uncertain.
I have been really struggling to get excited about Christmas and feel like I am sleepwalking through it all. It’s so hard. I think you just have to take it one step at a time, as impossible as that feels sometimes.
As @FutureUncertain said, you are not alone - sending you lots of love ❤️

[pavementmutation]

I'm so very sorry 💐

I’m trying to keep smiling and chatting but I feel as though I’m ruining Christmas for everyone.

You're not ruining anything, it's the horrible uncontrollable situation responsible for this not you. Please don't blame yourself.

My last Christmas with my mum was in similar circumstances. It was hideous and we were all in pain - all you can do is take it one tiny step at a time and only think about the moment you're in.

You will get through this. I felt like I wouldn't survive but I did and so will you. 💐