Can anyone tell me how to show support without being a burden myself

[CreationNat1on]

Hello,

Thanks for reading.

An older relation appears to have been given a diagnosis of terminable cancer. I was shocked as I thought the treatment was working but apparently it has not been very effective.

A recently made friend is also undergoing treatment and I m not sure of the full diagnosis but it doesn't seem to be good.

Both men, older man early 70s, younger 40.

I ld like to show support, empathy, love, kindness, but I don't know how.

Should I visit and buy a gift, what would anyone recommend. Older man has diabetes, so no sweets etc.

I ld like to do something if practical value, any recommendations will be gladly received.

Too much empathy can perhaps be a burden and annoying. If there was any suggestion of something that lightened the patients spirits or gave them solace I ld like to hear it

Send a nicely worded card, text or letter expressing your sorrow over the situation. Visit if they're open to it. If they want to talk, listen.

Send flowers, perhaps, if you think they'd like them. Otherwise gifts are not needed, as it's not something to celebrate.

I have breast cancer in 40s. I would say listening is good and try to reflect that, if they are positive be positive, if they are negative be sympathetic. Avoid giving advice on cancer / food etc and leave that to oncologist.

Presents are fine - some don't like flowers due to association with death though would be fine with me. Otherwise sometimes people like something which isn't a cancer gift but just a general thinking of you gift - doesn't really matter what, something they would normally like so they don't just feel they are cancer. If they would like a visit then visit or do an activity together if they are up to that and would like it. The support I liked best was the people who checked after every treatment how I was feeling and wrote caring responses.

Silkie has it right, let your friends set the tone. I have stage 4 cancer and I have started to distance myself from friends who jolly me along or tell me about relatives/friends/their postman who recovered against all the odds. I don't want to hear it.

The best friends I have right now are the ones who text me and say they are free for a cuppa if I fancy it but don't put any pressure in me. You are very perceptive OP, there is a fine line between being supportive and actually being a burden. These friends are happy to chat about anything and go on this journey with me.

If you are able to, practical stuff like offering lifts to appointments or even offering to come round and do some cleaning can be helpful. Don't say "let me know if there's anything I can do" but offer to do specific things.

My Dad found gifts very welcome. They’re not just for a celebration. Thoughtful gifts such as a blanket, special toiletries or foods, warm socks & books were really appreciated.

Thank you all very the very valuable responses I found out last night that the elderly gentleman will spend 13 weeks on his back after surgery...... Surgery will be near his spinal cord, so maybe I can get him something soft or comforting that can help during that time.

Yes that's a good idea. I had lots of fleece cushions and fleece duvet cover, Dunelm do loads of those. Its just nice to know someone cares enough. Quite a few people don't have anyone. They are lucky to have you.

Its also useful to have everything set up easy to reach so like a little table with iPad or TV remote, drinks and food easy to get to, phone etc, may have that already but just things set up for being fairly immobile.