End of life - A handhold and experiences please

[WhenRobinsAreNear]

My beloved grandmother is reaching the end of life stage now. Advanced dementia, multiple health issues, severe weightless, Bed bound, mostly sleeping, minimum fluid intake. We always knew this was coming but the deterioration has happened so fast.
We have had such a struggle to with DNS in terms of getting her the correct pain relief, a fight at every corner and her pain is still not controlled. It's heartbreaking and draining.

I don't know how long we have but I don't think it will be very long. I have found many of the end of life stories on here comforting and helpful for preparing me for all that is to come, so if anyone would like to share their story it would be really appreciated, I'm not asking you to sugar coat it, I know the experiences vary massively.

Thankyou

Her vicar did last rites for her again. It became very clear the second I saw her she's deteriorated massively, breathing so fast.
Nurses encouraged me to go get some food and they will ring with any changes.
I've just had the call to say her breathing has changed so I am on my way back there shortly

Sending you much love, strength and prayers at this time. 💜

My beautiful nan passed away shortly after my last message,sadly we didn't get there in time but she wasn't alone and a nurse was by her side, he said it was very peaceful 💐

Sorry for your loss. I’m glad it was very peaceful, sorry you weren’t there. Your Nan sounds very special. Best wishes to you and your family 💐

It sounds like a gentle, peaceful passing and that was entirely down to you. What a gift. Take care of yourself now xxx

I’m sorry for your loss @WhenRobinsAreNear. My grandmother was my person too. I think of her at least every day and she died nearly 20 years ago. She was so lucky to have such a loving granddaughter. Her suffering is over and you did this for her by fighting so hard. You can absolutely hold your head high. This probably wouldn’t have been so peaceful or dignified had you not been there for her.

I'm so glad to hear it was peaceful and she wasn't alone.

My deepest condolences.

Always remember what an amazing and incredible granddaughter you were.

🌷🤗

Sending you lots of love in your sad loss, @WhenRobinsAreNear

You did so much for your wonderful grandmother. I'm glad to read that her death was peaceful and that someone kind was with her at the very end.

Thankyou all ❤️

When I say we didn't make it in time, I mean by minutes, we were probably walking through the car park at the time, everything that could crop up to delay us did, but I keep just trying to day to myself it was meant to be this way.

Oh my love. I am so sorry she's no longer with you, and despite being a virtual stranger, I walk beside you in your grief. If it helps, would you like to tell us your favourite memory of your Nan? I understand if not but for me, being able to share in the wonderful memories people have of my Mum is my way of making sure she's not forgotten.

Massive hugs.

She's at peace now Op. Sorry for your loss but glad her pain is over. Take care

I am so sad tonight.
I've been trying to do normal things and fill my time with plans and it's mostly worked but now I have stopped for the evening I am just consumed by sadness.
I can't believe I am never going to hear her voice again. We registered her death yesterday and that was really hard. I found out something and it can't just be a coincidence.
My Nan and grandad got married on 19th November, that was the last night she was at home, the night she had the lovely nurse from Marie curie sit with her and then in the early hours it was clear she was actively dying from then on. Things like this keep happening.
Now I've got to sort funeral plans and pick things for that. This hurts, I just miss her so badly

Oh sweetheart 🤗🤗🤗

I know you miss your nan so so very much. A piece of you always will.

What a beautiful coincidence. This happened with a great aunt of mine also. Despite being widowed, she was desperately trying to hang on for her golden wedding anniversary. She died that day at a quarter past midnight.

Remember the good times and cut yourself some slack over what you have to arrange in the coming days.

Your nan would be so proud

My sister was sedated and intubated in her last three days (melanoma). I was so glad she wasn't struggling any more. On the last day they told us that her organs were failing - they would extubate her but didn't think she'd last long after that. In fact she didn't breathe at all once they extubated her. Not was very hard, but I wanted to be there is case she could sense that I was. It was quick and peaceful but very difficult for those of us by her side

I am so sorry you lost your lovely sister. Well done on being there in her final moments, I am sure she would have sensed you were there. It often is harder for this watching. I am so glad your sister is at peace now xx

I don't know if anyone still comes here but..

Oh what a day 💔
It was arranged to view nan in the chapel of rest today, something I wasn't sure I needed to do anyway but I said I would go with my dad.
We took a jacket in yesterday and asked for them to place the bible with her that her vicar had read to her from on the night she passed.
Today we got a call to say they reccomend that if we are coming that we do a closed coffin due to how she looks 😞.

I know they suggested this for a reason it's just all so extra sad. I wasn't expected them to rewind time 10 years don't get me wrong but I didn't think we would be in this sitaution either. I guess I thought she'd look like after she died or maybe a bit worse.
Needles to say we went with their advice.
I'm glad we went and in some ways glad it was the way it was, she wouldn't have wanted us to see her like that at all.

All the arrangements for the funeral are finalised, and we got the final order of service today, it's beautiful.

God I miss this woman so much but so glad she's at peace now ❤️

Thinking of you - a very hard day x

Thank you for the update, @WhenRobinsAreNear and I hope you find peace.

@TheShellBeach and @Run4it2
Thankyou both.
It just seems like none of this is ever easy or simple, it's all been the most difficult it possibly could be.

We have been lucky to get her funeral before Christmas as it didn't look likely at one point. And it's still not yet.

She's being buried with my grandad, turns out the year of his birth is wrong on the stone so that's a whole other thing

Some members of the 'family' and I use this term lightly have been heard discussing how much her house and her estate is worth.

I still haven't had a moment to stop and grieve

Thinking of you @WhenRobinsAreNear and sending strength for the funeral.

It's been a momentous struggle for you.

I'm glad the funeral will be soon. It'll help you to start to heal a bit.

Sending loads of love. Hope things get easier for you soon xx

I hope you have all had a lovely Christmas and new year. It's been a bit sombre this side but we have all tried to make the most of it.
Christmas was such a big love of my nans, known best for her Christmas eve parties and especially her mulled wine. I admit the one mulled wine I had I cried in to 😂.
Each day is an adjustmant and we are soon to start the mammoth task of solicitors and probate.
I managed to play a video of her voice yesterday and it was lovely, I am so grateful for the technology that allows me to have that forever memory.
I have pressed a couple of the roses from the funeral and intend to frame one, and the other is to go to her neices and nephew in Germany as they sadly couldn't be there.
I still need to write the thankyou card to the wonderful nurse from Marie curie who was with her on her final night at home.
New year was difficult, the realisation that she will never take a breath on 2024 was hard. I cling to her being at rest finally though and intend to focus on keeping her legacy and traditions, not mourning her.
Thankyou all for keeping me company through this, I think I would have gone mad without this thread