Hi everyone, just wanted to ask some questions on here about my Dad who has grade 4 bowel cancer. His treatment stopped working about 6 months ago and until recently he was doing ok ish but was hospitalised due to ascites and leg swelling resulting in him struggling to walk. He got meds for it and got out last week and has a hospital bed in the living room but is spending a lot of time in his chair and didn't change out of his pyjamas all weekend. I can tell he's in a bit of pain on and off from his facial expressions and he drops off to sleep often.
DM was going to ask a doctor about expected time left but never got the chance. Is there anyone we can ask now he's been discharged? I have a feeling it's very changeable and he could decline quickly or linger for some time. I don't know if they can guess at it.
I was also wondering about a Do Not Resuscitate. Dad told the hospital that he wants a DNR in place, he didn't speak to us before that and it's ok with me I get it, it sounds traumatic. But I told my friend about his wishes and she said she'd had a DNR in place prior to major surgery but had consulted a lawyer and given instructions to everyone in case someone else was on shift and didn't get the message. Is this something we need to do? We live in Scotland, not sure of any rules/legal requirements.
He'd also been told he can get a care package and the nurse urged him to take the full package at first as it can be difficult to sort things out later along if you'd originally said no. She said see how it goes and if you feel like you don't need certain things that's fine. So when he got home we thought everything was in place but we've heard nothing and we're wondering if Dad told them he doesn't need anything. Mum said he'd been quite evasive when asked about something. Should we have expected carers to show up the next day or can it take a while for them to come over?
I am also all over the place with worry and anxiety, I wake up feeling anxious and imagining scenarios. I feel sick knowing that he's going to die soon. Work is stressful just now (colleague is stressing me out) and my boss has been supportive about what's happening just now and I've got contacts that I can speak to for support but I'm just dreading work now because there's been so many changes lately.
Thanks for any advice. Life is so hard.