Is Dad Dying?

[CancerDad]

So dd was diagnosed with terminal cancer 18 months ago. He was given 18 months to three years.
He had responded well to chemo but recently had a short break from the chemo in the hopes of being able to enjoy life without constant hospital visits.
Trouble is during this break he has deteriorated massively. He is now very underweight, has no appetite and barely drinks any fluids. On a good day he will take in about 500 calories, other days nothing.
As he is on a chemo break he hasn’t seen anyone other than the gp for three months and is resistant to calling anyone.
I have read that patients in the final weeks start to not eat/drink as everything is shutting down. Does that sound what is happening here. No one has told us he is nearing the end but then he hasn’t seen anyone other than gp.
Would welcome anyone’s experience.

Has he had any scans recently? It's true that when you're dying you appetite and thirst shut down but it's impossible to say if this is your dad's cancer taking hold or if there's another reason. Has he said why he doesn't want to call anyone? My heart goes out to you, it is such a hard place to be

Scans were three months ago. He has always been reluctant to seek medical help which is why his cancer was terminal before it was diagnosed.

My mother in law had terminal cancer she lived with us for the last 9 months of her life. She decided against chemo as it was only going to prevent the inevitable a short time and didn't want to waste the short time she had feeling more ill, hospital visits etc. She stopped eating probably about 6-7 weeks before she died and in the last 2 weeks liquids via a sponge very minimal and she was in a deep sleep all that time. But she died peacefully at home with us which is all she wanted

Sometimes people we love die slowly in front of our eyes. It sounds like this is what your Dad is doing. He can't go on indefinitely on only 500 calories a day and little fluid. I'm so sorry, I know how it feels because my Mum died at home after barely eating for almost 4 monthis.

You or he ought to speak to someone at the GP or hospital. While it could be that he is approaching end of life, it might be something perfectly treatable.
My DH has terminal cancer and list a lot of weight recently but is much better now his gastritis has been treated.
Does he have something like Ensure to boost his calories?

Is anyone in the family in contact with the palliative care team? He should still be under their care even with the decision to have a break from chemo.
My dad passed away from cancer in January, chemo almost ended his life because he kept getting sepsis so he decided to stop it and have break before seeing if he wanted to try something else such as immunotherapy (although his cancer was also terminal at this point.) he passed away 8/9 months after his last chemo session, and in that time he also was unable to eat much and lost a lot of weight. But he had still been getting out and about enjoying himself so it was a shock when he did pass away, even though we knew it would happen at some stage. He went very downhill the 2 days before he passed away, struggling to walk to the toilet and struggling to stand.
Not being able to eat and losing weight is something that's very typical with terminal cancer, but that doesn't give a guideline on how long they have left.
In my experience too, the McMillan/palliative team wouldn't tend to offer information on how long he would have left, unless you specifically ask. But even then, it's a guideline/guess because no one really knows. And they usually stop doing scans once treatment has stopped because as they told us, it's not fair to the patient to keep being told it's spread/grown when there's no treatment being done to try keep it at bay.
All I can say is just make the most of every day and cherish this time you have, because even though you know that it will happen at some point, it will still be a shock when it happens and you'll still wish for more time.
Sending love to you and your family ♥️

When he was last seen they mentioned Macmillans and said they would refer him. Not heard anything though. He isn’t under the palliative care team yet as he was fairly well last time he saw the consultant.

It's definitely worth reaching out to his cancer doctor and asking about McMillan and palliative care. I'm surprised he's not under palliative care if they've classed his cancer as terminal.
They will be able to offer so much support and information to your dad and your family x