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How to support dad through Chemo

5 replies

ChocolateCakeOverspill · 20/08/2023 20:49

Dad starts chemo next week. Us kids are driving him to and from and staying with him and mum for a couple of days after each treatment in case of ill effects.

He’s worried about losing his hair so I’m going to buy him a beanie (which is something he’s said he wants). Is there anything that people can recommend anything else which might be helpful?

Thinking of making a few meals for freezing but equally know that this is something that he and mum enjoy doing together.

OP posts:
Neverseenbefore · 20/08/2023 20:57

Are you sure your parents want to have you there? I’d find it a bit intrusive, or overwhelming. I’ve had chemo and was fine on my own and would have wanted to be left alone. I went to work etc. Another friend of mine is having chemo now and lives alone and is fine -as fine as you can be. The driving to hospital would be helpful, I suppose, but I just used public transport.

nether · 20/08/2023 20:58

How he will be during treatment is unknown, right now, to all of you.

Some thoughts:

a) be led by him - see what he wants and try to supply it. It might be TLC, it might be gallows humour, it might be overwhelming fatigue, it might be help in dealing with a horrible taste in his mouth or managing other side effects. Or it might be wanting to be left alone.

b) on chemo, your immune system is highly compromised and it's really important to keep away (and offer help remotely) if you might have infectious diseases. If you have a covid exposure, definitely keep away (stock up on LFTs)
c) depending on what chemo he is having, there might be lengthy times in hospital as it drips in. Can you give him things to help pass the time - things to watch/read on an iPad? Books? Magazines? Crosswords and other puzzles?
d) keep a close eye on your mum's well-being and make sure she feels well supported by you (in whatever form that takes)

ChocolateCakeOverspill · 20/08/2023 21:29

This is really helpful thank you. The offer has been made but we can always back off if needed. After previous surgery he had health crises which he and mum struggled to cope with alone so it’s for reassurance and support as much as anything.

We also know a few people who’ve recently had chemo and really struggled in the days following so it’s helpful to read some balanced views.

When he had radiotherapy and we spent a lot of time on waiting rooms we had a little quiz group going (tended to see the same people every day), so will download some quiz apps to his phone. He also listens to the radio a lot so will remind him to take headphones etc.

I just bought 2 boxes of Covid tests and some masks, and intending to limit contact with others before the treatment.

OP posts:
Silkiebunny · 22/08/2023 09:50

Sorry your Dad is going through chemo. Its very kind of you to want to help so much. I have been through chemo and struggled a lot on it. Chemo can vary and also people's reactions vary.

Generally it's advised to avoid infection so I was advised to use a digital thermometer once a day and if over 38C to call the 24/7 chemo line immediately or any any signs of illness. They said the earlier they are warned the more chance they can avoid hospitalisation. I think they will much prefer you not using public transport. If staying be careful re infections yourself, some people are hospitalised for 5 or 6 days with them during chemo. I was very careful and avoided but know lots who had this. I think if your parents want you there it would be lovely and kind of you to help. I would always ask if they want something and food can vary. Hair you can cold cap if really bothered, otherwise hats and wigs are an option. Drink plenty. There are a lot of meds to manage but sometimes they give you more than you need like I had 6 anti sickness tablets a week and needed one. I had chemo weekly. I had worst effects from steroids. It is worth keeping a symptom diary so you know patterns for future cycles. The odd day out can be nice if they feel up to it, somewhere outside and not busy is good like a not busy coastal walk. Hope your Dad isn't too ill.

Silkiebunny · 22/08/2023 09:52

If on a 3 week regime generally first week is worst, second is meh and third is normal I was told. I had weekly.

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