Bloody bloody bloody Cancer.

[medianewbie]

Bloody bloody bloody Cancer.
My Mother died last May. Primary Ovarian stage 4 everywhere by the time she was properly scanned (it was missed, missed & missed again). Awful death.
Partner of 32 yrs last March. Primary Bladder stage 4 to bones. Dx prev Oct Good care but became terminal last Jan. Dead 6 weeks later. He chose to leave his remains to medical science. I was only able to have the cremation 2 weeks ago.
Now my best friend of 35 years has just been diagnosed with breast cancer.
Scans & biopsies over last 2 weeks. Surgery soon. Meeting re meds tomorrow.
I can't bloody stand it. Sorry. I've nowhere else to rant really. & I want to scream.

Scream away, get to a big open space and let rip, you'll be in excellent company.

This is the heartbreak of life, and I so sorry that people you love deeply and care about have suffered.

How are you with your self care (or do the words self care make you want to throw things, or have lost all meaning)?

Rant away. I was in ICU following major surgery when DH took a call at my bedside. It was my sister telling him DM had terminal ovarian cancer and was given weeks. (My sister didn't want me to know yet but I overheard.) When I went into hospital DM thought she had a sickness bug. It was that quick.
I was released early (from a different hospital) to be able to see DM. She never came home. Fuck cancer.

If you want to talk to someone, I've found the macmillan helpline really good in terms of just having someone who gets cancer talk to you without the platitudes.

0800 808 00 00

Cancer is such a cruel disease. I lost my Mum to pancreatic cancer 9 years ago and saw her go from well and always being busy with.life to bedridden within 5 months, because it was not diagnosed until too late to treat. Before that I never quite realised what a vicious nasty disease cancer is.

@Timeforabiscuit yes, it is the heartbreak of life / the price you pay for love.
'self - care'. Nope. I have two ASD teenagers & I'm their Carer. exH left last year.
It's been a bloody 24m. I can't bear to lose HER too.

@Anaemiafog I am so sorry. That's very hard. So quick. Fuck cancer indeed.

@caringcarer Yes. 'vicious' is the word. I lost two friends to breast cancer in the last 6 years. Both were in their early 40's with young children.
My Mum, My Partner, My best friend have at least lived their lives.
But I miss them just as much.

My Dad went from diagnosis to death from liver cancer in 5 months.
I never ever want to see someone I love go through that horror again. His last 2 months of life were brutal for him, and he really didn't deserve them. Sitting listening to him sob that he just wanted it to be over with will haunt me forever

He was supposed to have blood tests every 3 months but thanks to bastarding Covid hysteria by GP's, he didn't have one for 2 years and by the time he did, the cancer had already taken hold too far. His GP was spectularly useless and Dad's symptoms were dismissed like the breeze:
confusion (from hepatic encephalopathy) - cognitive decline, " he is 83, you know"
debilatating pain in shoulder (from portal vein into liver) - "he's diabetic, it's frozen shoulder"
weight loss (chronic malabsorption) - "he is getting older, appetite decreases"

I spent hours arguing with them that Dad wasn't well, and by the time someone listened, it was far far too late. I'm still raging.

I'm with you @medianewbie and have similar stories.

Fuck cancer.

@Bluebells1970 I'm so sorry. My Mother was told she had 'health anxiety due to covid'. she did. She also very obviously had cancer (lost 4st in 4m, looked 9m pregnant aged 82, & bowels etc stopped working). Test after test was cancelled.
She died in pain. My Partner, different NHS region, was very well looked after.
I hope that my best friend also receives good care. It makes SUCH a difference.

@IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads I'm sorry to hear that.
Yes, FUCK YOU, Cancer! (let's all shout together!) xx

When DM was diagnosed, DH bought me these socks. I run in them. They do take a pounding on occasion.

My Mum was repeatedly told by her doctor (who refused to see her) for over two years that the pain in her chest was a pulled muscle. It wasn’t. It was terminal lung cancer, which was diagnosed when she had a stroke and was admitted to hospital. She lasted a few weeks after diagnosis. Same practice also told my father, years ago, that his coughing up blood and weight loss were all in the mind. They finally agreed to blood tests and he was blue lighted to hospital when the results came out. Three weeks later he was dead, terminal lung cancer.

Rant away
Bloody cancer.
My dad died last year from oesophageal cancer which had spread to his liver. He was only 66.
Died a week after being officially confirmed as cancer.
It's so cruel
The not being able to swallow from the tumour in his throat was horrid
He died agitated and confused

Rant away. Unfortunately cancer is prolific in my family and it's a fucking shitbag of a thing. Fuck cancer. Fuck it off. Around the corner. Then it can fuck off some more .

My beautiful Mum is 74 but very youthful & until just recently very positive and full of life.
She looks 9 months pregnant with an evil peritoneal tumour & abdominal spread.
The cancer is nowhere else but I think the tumour is getting bigger and will cause a blockage at some point soon.
I feel like it's all unreal.
She's one of my best friends as well as my Mum, we're very close now although we had a more distant relationship in my teens & 20s.
Until recently she was supporting me through the symptoms of Schizoaffective Disorder which I have and now I'm struggling.
I'm not ready to lose her.

On Thursday I'm going to the breast clinic as I have an inverted nipple & a lump but for the first time I'm not confiding in my Mum..

And to all the p's who lost their mums and dads to medical negligence, I so hear you, loud and clear. The blasé HCPs can fuck right off too.

@DorisParchment I am so sorry. To lose both your parents after misdiagnosis is especially sad x

@lookingforMolly oh love. I'm sorry. Troubles never seem to come singly. To keep up with your meds & your appointments (I wish you luck x) whilst worrying about your Mum is hard. But she'd want you to take care of yourself x

@TheCyclingGorilla Yes to blasé HCPs (some, not all). Particularly my Mother's but also my GP who, when she agreed she could also feel my breast lump, didn't put me on the 2wk pathway but went on hols for 3 weeks. She then ignored it until I raised it. When my tests proved negative she blithely said: 'well, it didn't matter anyway then'. Yes it did. I needed investigation. I'd just lost my Mother and my Partner. I've 2 disabled children & my husband walked out. Staying alive is quite important to me.

Lost my lovely big sis seven years ago to stomach cancer she thought she had a bug. It came out of a clear blue sky. She went from diagnosis to dying in three months and it completely ravaged her body until there was hardly anything left of her. Saying goodbye to her in the hospice was the hardest thing ever. Fuck fuck fuck cancer.

Thanks @medianewbie

@lollipoprainbow I'm so sorry. I remember seeing going into the room my Mum was in & thinking she wasn't in the bed. She was, it was just that she was so skeletal that the covers were hardly disturbed. I'm so sorry re your sister x

My best friend now has a surgery date. End of this month.
I hope it gets the cancer right out of her body.
Fuck you, Cancer!

@medianewbie so sorry for your losses. I am just popping in from the cancer thread to say that your BF may well make a full recovery. Breast cancer is not a death sentence, particularly now there are so many new immunotherapy drugs around. I’ve had breast cancer twice in the last two years and despite interminable rounds of treatment I am cancer free and still optimistic I will collect my state pension. Your friend will need someone to rant to and she is lucky to have you.

@TopOfTheCliff Hello! Thank you for coming to say hello to me here. I remember your kindness when I had my own scans & biopsies a few months ago
My friend is 75. She had a malignant melanoma treated successfully around a decade ago. She is a very healthy living person so that is in her favour too.
She has been a second (really, emotionally a 'first') Mother to me so I'm scared. I've had SO much loss in the last 12m. Still, my main job is to be there for her.
I'm sending her cards, italian soaps, small bars of special chocolate at present.
I'm really happy that your treatment was so successful & that you can be here to educate & encourage others. It really helps. Thank you for your kind words too x