Just so sad and scared

[Devastatedmummy51]

I had breast cancer in 2018 and had the works - chemo, mastectomy and radio added to which I've been on various drugs since then to try and keep it away. I had Herceptin, which unfortunately caused heart failure, but I've been managing with that without too many problems.
Fast forward to now and I've found out a week ago that the cancer has returned and spread to my pericardium. I don't yet know if it's spread anywhere else, but I do know that metastatic breast cancer is incurable and that it's now a question of when, not if it's going to kill me and how long treatment can keep it at bay.
I have a lovely husband and two boys, aged 9 and 12. I am devastated to think I won't live to see them grow up - I may get a few years, or I may not even see my youngest start secondary school. Options, exams, driving tests, girl (or boy) friends etc etc etc. Their dad is great, but he'll be grieving too and I worry how he'll cope.
I'm scared for myself that I may die a lingering, painful death, but also horrified to think that they'll have to witness it.
We haven't told the boys yet, we're waiting until we have more info from oncology about treatments etc, but I look at them knowing I'm about to tear their worlds apart. I just want this not to be true.

@sandgrown @vipersnest1 thank you both for your kind words.

I'm so sorry. Don't give up hope. There are lots of new and effective treatments out there, especially for her-2 positive tumours.

I also recommend contacting your local hospice/palliative care team when you’re ready about managing pain, how to live in the best way possible for you. They will know what services are available in your area (how to get funding to provide these services before you need it) and will be available to chat to when you’re lonely/isolated/scared or need a hand managing family expectations. These nurses are absolute champions.

Wishing you the very best with your scans and treatment. Hoping you have many, many more years with your boys x

This. Lots of love to you facing what you are facing. Hopefully they can control it for a good long time for you.

Sending all the very best healing thoughts and wishes x

I'm so sorry to hear your news and I hope you defy the odds as long as possible for your boys.

I had breast cancer treatment all throughout 2022. The cancer support thread has several of us with breast cancer including some with stage 4, please come and join us if it would help, its in general health.

I would talk through your concerns with your oncologist / breast care nurse as there are often things they can do to ease parts of it.

Sending you huge hugs.
It's utter shit.
I'm 'lucky', I have a form of leukaemia that is slow but let's other cancers attack my body. I hate the planning for what happens to my children. I can cope with everything but that.
My heart goes out to you. There's loads of us with you.

How heartbreakingly sad and utterly terrifying. It's unbelievably unfair and almost impossible to accept.

If it is of any comfort, I have a close friend who was given 9-12months to live with secondary breast cancer - and that was 5 yrs ago! She still works FT and leads a very full life. She is extraordinarily positive and determined which may be coincidental but whatever it is, it sure stands her well.

Look, I have no great words of advice. I feel extremely sorry for you and I can only imagine having to face dying young and leaving two children behind. I think it's great that you are reaching out for support and encourage you to do more of this, and to focus on doing whatever you can. It's also completely fine to have very down patches and to feel rage, in fact it would be weird not to. Sending much love.