How do you deal with what may be the last Christmas / birthday etc?

[LittleMy77]

We’ve come to the end of the line with treatment for my mum, and she’s been moved under the palliative care team

she’s ok atm (all relative..) but I don’t think we have longer than a few months left. Any tips on how to make what is likely the last Christmas / new year / next family birthday as enjoyable as it can be?

I just feel atm it’s hanging over me that she is v unlikely to be here next year and we’re all likely to try and cope by ignoring the elephant in the room and being quietly hysterical / maudlin drunk

Really just make a fuss of the relative and let them lead the way with whatever they want.

When my grandmother was dying we indulged in the old family traditions, ate favourite foods, used the best family china, listened to old records and made lots of lively, lovely memories for us all.

I'm sorry to hear that, must be a very difficult time for you. Obviously I don't know your Mum, but in the same situation I think my Mum would want us to just do whatever we'd always done when she's been with us.
So carry on as normal - on top of which think about her favourite foods/snacks/drinks / sweets etc. if she doesn't have much of an appetite, a slice of her favourite cake or a handful of her favourite snacks might be appreciated?

Definitely be led by her. She may not want to be too emotional about it. Or she may want to cry etc. My mum was very matter of fact about her last Christmas. She said life was like a party she wasn’t quite ready to leave but her taxi was waiting. We had a nice time and treated it like any other Christmas.

This article might be of interest to you

💐

I’m not sure it’s possible not to always have it in the back of your mind, but I do know that it definitely is possible to enjoy every occasion because it is a gift - I know that sounds really trite and I also know it could make you feel angry because I really hated hearing it when my mum was terminally ill. So I’m sorry if it has that effect. But you will never regret celebrating and being as joyful as you can be. Toast the good times, plan if you can but roll with the punches if things don’t go according to that plan.

Next year/next time will be something to deal with then. The present is all you have to think about - don’t let the anticipation ruin what’s happening right now. How would you usually make it special? Do that.

We had exactly this with DM last Christmas. Then against the odds she had her birthday too in the spring. She remained well until late August when she declined suddenly and died a week later. On both Christmas and her birthday we bought her lots of small things to unwrap so she felt special. Including food and drink items we thought she'd like (non alcoholic gin, biscuits, toffees etc). Also soft scarf/gloves, nighties, socks, warm blanket, a photo board of her life, a tray table so she could have breakfast in bed etc. She was well enough to be taken out for lunch on her birthday, with all the family, we had a cake with a huge sparkler which she loved! Best of luck with the next stage. Make lovely memories.